Week of December 22, 2002
JK: I’ve been reading some fanfics out there on the internet about you three, and have decided to make some rather interesting changes based upon these young writers’ works. Over the extended two years since the due-date of book five, I have turned out with the following:
• Harry, you and Draco will ‘discover’ each other.
• Hermione, you will pair up with Snape.
• Ron, you will develop feelings for Draco also and become jealous.
Harry: Look you guys- we’re down to #9 in the US box office this week. How could this happen?!
Hermione: With two weeks notice, I’ll try to analyze that question, Harry. What a nemesis! This is worse than the time I got mugged by the gangs of New York near those two towers! Maybe if our movie had been maid in Manhattan it would have done better…
Ron: The 3rd film will do better! The Harry Potter craze isn’t going to die with this film, no siree, It’ll die another day! In 2004, the other movies will just have to catch us if they can!
Harry: Professor Dumbledore! Is this the Order of the Phoenix?
Albus: No, Harry. This is merely our weekly poker game.We only become the Order when Voldemort is strong again.
Ron: But Professor, Voldemort is strong again.
Albus: Oh.. Alright then. But could you please do me a favor and not mention this to Arabella? No matter how many spells we place upon her, we cannot rid her of that awful cat odor!
Hermione: People are saying Malfoy beat my test score!
Harry: Yeah, right. That’ll happen when 4 boys named Emerson, Eric, Jamie and Damon have a Harry Potter website together called MuggleNet…
Ron: Replaced? What do you mean replaced!
Alfonso: I’m sorry, but the audience agrees that you’re getting too old too fast. I have to expel you from Hogwarts.
Hermoine: Expelled? I’m still young! I KNEW YOU TWO WOULD DO ME IN!
Harry: What? Fifty points each!
Ron: What are you thinking?
Hermione: That is totally unwise…
Minerva: I’m sorry, you’re right.
Hermione: We are?
Minerva: Yes, 70 points each
Harry: *belch* Errr..
McGonagall: I’m sorry Miss Granger, those robes are just too short for regulation.
Hermione: But Professor!
Harry: I don’t mind…
Hermione: I didn’t know Hogwarts had a strip club!
Ron: Er… Hermione?
Harry: That’s not a strip club, that’s the Hufflepuff common room…
Ron: Book Five still isn’t finished?
Hermione: We’ll all be in our forties before we graduate from Hogwarts!
Harry: Maybe I’ll have time to see a surgeon about this scar…
Harry: And to think.. We weren’t supposed to learn contraceptive charms until the seventh year!
Harry: Where’d the caption bubble go?
Ron: I think it went that way!
Hermione: There it is! Oh, that’s just a ghost…
Hermione: I didn’t know you could milk a cat…
Hagrid: Oh yeah, you can milk anything with nipples.
Harry: Poor Mrs. Norris
Harry: Malfoy… Neville.. We had no idea!
Ron: *slugs come back*
Hermione: Look at those action figures! They don’t even look like us!
Ron: And the video game, We never did half that stuff!
Harry: What amazes me most is the ‘Slime Chamber’ playset. There’s… no… slime