Week of February 9, 2003
Harry: This must be Book Five! It says I’m tall, and handsome! And Malfoy’s got bad acne and I’m the youngest Seeker to be placed on the England National Quidditch Team! And Voldemort is afraid of me! Even here it…
Book: Don’t get too excited, dear… Have you even looked at my title?
Harry: The.. Book.. of.. Erised.. …… Curse Dumbledore!
Harry: My name is Harry Potter.
Riddle: Hello, Harry Potter. My name is Tom Riddle. Can you do me a favor?
Harry: Sure, what is it?
Riddle: Kill Chris Columbus! He won’t give double salary for playing TWO parts!
Harry: Hey, I didn’t know I was Hermione’s boyfriend!
Hermione: You’re not! That’s just Rita Skeeter making stuff up..
Harry: I didn’t know she started rumors.. ‘Think she can make one up about me and Cho?!?
‘Wow, a Hermione centerfold!!!’
…The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside number four…
Daniel: ‘WHAT?? I’m definitely not going to lie on my back in a flowerbed! What does Rowling think I am? A girl with pigtails?! Chris! I don’t want to be in the fifth movie! Find someone else!‘
Harry: My name is Harry Potter.
Diary: Hello, Harry Potter, my name is tom Riddle.
Harry: Do you know anything about the Chamber of Secrets?
Diary: No, but even if I did I wouldn’t tell you!
Harry: Okay, who’s messed with the props again!?
‘Ok, so, first.. Insert Part A into Part B. Then add..’
*two hours later*
‘Screw the directions.. it shouldn’t be that hard…’
*another hour later*
‘FORGET IT! STUPID OWL CAGES!’
Harry: Snape’s Diary! With all his future plans!
Ron: what are they!?!?
May 6th – Give Potter Detention
May 7th – Give Detention to Potter
May 8th – Give Potter Detention
May 9th – Act in Muggle play ‘Oz’
Ron: Let me see that!
Riddle: Let me take you back.. Fifty years.
Harry: Woah! Is that McGonagall?
Riddle: *dreamily* yeah..
‘Ron, did you change my scrapbook into a swimsuit album? Woah, lookin good, Mum!‘
*gasp* ‘Harry, I’m pretty sure that Playwiz isn’t on the Hogwarts booklist!‘
Harry: Ron, where’d you get this magazine?!?
Ron: *blushes* Hufflepuff Common Room..
‘Ginny’s diary! Who does she like? Let’s see.. has to be here somewhere.. Hermione!?
‘It can’t’ve been the butler, he was in the wine celler.. Must have been the mistress of the Colonel! But..He was having an affair with the housekeeper so.. Hang on, this is getting too complicated!’
‘Wow, JK wasn’t kidding! Instead of raging hippogriffs, Book Five has raging hormones!‘
‘I can’t believe it! A diary that writes back! I wonder how much I could get for it on eBay?!?’
‘Dear Diary: I must confess that I am a little worried. There are rumours that say we’re not going to star in the next few movies because we’re going to get too old. However, I’ve heard that Rupert already signed for Goblet of Fire. I wonder what’s going to happen to me.. Anyway if this doesn’t work and they kick me off, I can always try writing to MuggleNet’s Crazy Caption Contest….’
Harry: So the rumors ARE true! Snape does look at PlayWitch!
Snape: 80 points from Gryffindor! And give me back MY magazine!
‘I don’t believe it! Book Five! Wait…Harry Potter and a quarter’s worth of Flea-Mix: A Musical?!?!?!?’
‘Hey, being nearly headless DOES add three chapters to the Kama Sutra!’
‘I didn’t know I had my own book series!‘
‘That’s who dies in Book Five! Nooooo!‘
Harry: So you’re Voldemort, eh?
Tom: Yes, Indeed. And I’m even more powerful with bachelorette #3 by my side!
‘Ron, look… It’s the latest issue of BroomChicks and they look great in black! Why couldn’t girls like them come to Hogwarts? It would make flying lessons much easier!’
‘These pictures move too!?!’
‘Chapter One Introduction: The Psychology of Dating…’
‘Malfoy’s real name is Merriwether! Hahaha!’
‘This Potter character in this book is truly brilliant!‘
‘So that‘s the difference between boys and girls!’
‘How did Colin get a picture of THAT?!?’
Electronic Gaming Monthly…….$4.99
Curse Scars for Dummies………Priceless
Harry: Tom! You did that with the Hufflepuff?!?
Book: Ahh! Wrong memory!