Week of April 13, 2003
Percy: Hey, Everybody! I’ve won the Humongous Idiot Award and… …FRED! GEORGE!
Percy: Oh look, Mother! It’s an Easter card from our American cousin Carrot Top!
Mrs. Weasley: What does it say, Dear?
Percy: ‘Dear family, Have a wonderful Easter and don’t forget to dial down the center with C-A-L-L A-T-T!’
Mrs. Weasley: That boy… so dedicated to his work!
Percy: Yes, an example to us all…
Twins: We think he’s a fruit…
Ron: Completely mental…
Mrs. Weasley: You could learn something from that boy!
Ron: Like how to make a collect call with a Muggle Phone? When are we going to use that?!?
A Stupid Owl That Doesn’t Work Properly: $50
Personalized Stationary: $20
Getting a Letter from Severus Snape Calling You His ‘wittle fluffy bunny wabbit': Priceless
Percy: *Looks at address* ‘Stupid bird! You brought us Lucius Malfoy‘s mail! *opens it, eyes light up, sniggers* Oh..’
Dear Mr. P. Weasley,
I regret to inform you that you are not included in the 3rd movie… so pack your things and LEAVE!
‘Err… it’s a gift certificate to Madam Malkin’s… the Sleepwear Department.. Somebody obviously wants me to get new pajamas!‘
Percy: Let’s see what’s in the mail today.. hmm.. ‘Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!‘?
Harry: Tell me about it…
*While Percy is reading*
Hermione: Who are you?
Tea Kettle: I’m Mrs. Potts, dear, why don’t you have a spot of tea?
Chip: See? I told you she was pretty, didn’t I, Mama?
Wardrobe: Pretty? Is this kid blind or something?
Molly: What is it, Son?
Percy: Errol just wrote us a letter…
Molly: What’s it say?
Percy: ‘I hate all of you, Weasleys! And Chris can get another owl for the job because I quit! P.S. I hope you all enjoy the business I did on your beds!’….
*Errol hoots menacingly*
Percy: *reading* ‘Is your refridgerator running?‘ hmm.. well.. yeah.. it is..?
Letter: *shouts* Well you better go catch it!
Percy: *mouths silence*
Ron: We can’t hear what Percy is saying because Eric didn’t supply him with a bubble!
Percy: ‘If you’d like to take the idiot test, please flip this letter over.‘ hmm.. *flips letter and reads* ‘If you’d like to take the idiot test, please flip this letter over.‘ … *flips* ‘if you’d like to take the idiot test please flip this letter over.‘ … *flips*
‘What?!?! I’m not an insufferable git!! …Oh…now I see, this letter is directed to Professor Snape…wonder how it got here…’
Percy: It’s our letters from Rowling! Hey, she’s sent us the first chapter of the fifth book! *reads beginning* a teenage boy in a flowerbed.. is that supposed to be you, Harry?!?
Harry: Yeah… so?
Percy: What were you doing in there?!?!?
Harry: Well.. erm… *blushes* Dudley was using the bathroom…
To Whom It May Concern
Due to upcoming world events, blurry caption pics, and the increasing amount of Lord of the Rings fans, there will only be one speech bubble to every twenty Caption Pics….
Percy: Oh my, it’s a letter from Penelope… she’s had a peak at Book Five and she’s going to…DIE?!
Arthur: Well, it’s a good job and all… we don’t want any blondies in our family!
Percy: Oh, look, a notice from Eric at MuggleNet.com. It says.. er…
Fred: What’s it say?
George: It can’t be that bad…
*They take a look and gasp*
Ron: What is it?!? *reads* he can’t do this to us!!!
Harry: What did he say?
Percy: ‘No more Hufflepuff Common Room Jokes, Please!‘!!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have just won Lord Voldemort’s Clearing House Sweepstakes. You are now eligible for a prize of one million Galleons! All you must do is fill out the following form, accept the Dark Mark and a life of servitude, and this fortune could be yours!
‘Mum, we’ve got another one…’
Percy: *reading* You have been invite to the Hufflepuff Common Room…
Eric: *apparates and rips letter up* NOOOOO!!!! I ended that saga WEEKS AGO!!!
Percy: You’re mistaken! That was for Penny’s surprise birthday party!
‘Wow, hey! It says I get to be in the Caption Contest! Hey! I don’t get a speech bubble?!? Alan gets one.. not me? Chris! I want to talk to you about my contract! Put in something about speech bubbles!‘
‘Yes! Yes! My Oprah magazine is here! Smaller butt and tighter thighs, here I come!‘
‘Your Seventeen subscription has ended again, Fred.‘
‘Oh no! PlayWitch has rejected my pictures AGAIN!‘
hmm… I wonder what my caption for the contest should be… *falls asleep at the keyboard* eafjeifoajksakdkl…
‘NO! I DONT WANT TO APPLY FOR A STUPID MUGGLE CREDIT CARD!!!’
‘Gosh Darnit! Another fan owl for you, Harry! I wish those people at MuggleNet would stop giving out our addresses!’
‘Harry, it’s a letter from Professor Snape! ‘Dear Harry, 200 points from Gryffindor, have a nice summer!‘
Percy: Richard Harris died!
Arthur: He’s been dead for a while, now, Son…
Percy: How comes.. we’ve only been informed now..
Percy: Hey, look, it’s our Hogwarts letters… They’ve sent us Har…
*flash of camera*
Percy: What was that?
Harry: The.. mystery Picture Taker just took your picture for MuggleNet.com!
Percy: This is the last straw! My first Caption Picture and I’m in my pajamas! What if Penelope Sees me like this? I’ll get you this time, Eric! ILL GET YOU THIS TIME!!!
‘It’s from the Ministry of Magic! THEY FOUND WALDO!‘
‘Fred, George, more letters from those bloody Olsen Twins…’
Dear Mr. Weasley,
We are pleased to inform you that we have located your Prefect Badge. It had been placed at the U-Bend of Moaning Myrtle’s toilet.
Percy: ‘Dear Ron, it is time we sort out our differences:
I’m beautiful, you’re not.
I’m French, you’re not.
I’m smart, you’re not.
Sincerely, Fleur Delacour‘!
Ron: Percy! Stop reading my mail!
Dear Mr. Hunt,
Your mission is simple: FIX YOUR HAIR!
(this message will self-destruct unless you do so)