Week of June 1, 2003
Hagrid walks to the trio, they turn, and looks of fright and being startled soon turn to frantic giggles. Perplexed at this reaction to his arrival Hagrid glances up and down himself, blushes, and zips his pants…
Harry: Ron, let’s play a game called ‘1,2,3 I Love You.’ You count to 3, and the next person you see, you have to tell them you love them! I’ll give you 50 chocolate frogs if you do it!
Ron: Hey, easy! You’re on! Okay…1,2,3….
Hagrid: Hey Ron!
Ron: *turns around* Oh darn.
Harry: *laughing* Hagrid, Ron has something to tell you.
Hagrid: Oh yeah, wha’s that?
Ron: Uh…I…I owe Harry 50 chocolate frogs.
Ron: Honest, Hagrid! We didn’t submit our caption for the Caption Contest into the Suggestion Box!
Ron: Last night I went for a walk on the grounds and kissed a tall girl! Her face was fuzzy and it was dark…
Harry: As long as the kiss was good, right?
Hagrid: Guess wha’! I just had the best kiss of my life last night!
Harry: Is it a bird?
Ron: Is it a plane?
Hermione: No, it’s Hagrid!
Hermione: Hagrid, I – *gasp*
Ron: *Sniggering uncontrollably*
Harry: Lets find you a hat without flowers on it, okay?
Hermione: Hagrid…your fly is open…did you know?
Ron: *nervously* Not that we were looking…honest!
Harry: *thinking* Ron was right… Hagrid is half-giant!
Robbie: All right, Rupert, the jig is up! I know it was you who slipped the alcohol into those drinks at Emma’s party!
Rupert: *looks at Robbie nervously*
Emma: *turns to Rupert furiously* So it was you! Do you know how much trouble I’m in because of that ‘scandal’?! I now have reporters living in my garage because of you!
Ron: Oh no… it’s the make-up man! He’s going to dye my hair orange again – it should be red!
Ron: Ahh… big hairy monster!
Hermione: It’s only Hagrid!?Harry: Same thing!
Hagrid: ‘Something big an hairy!? I hope you weren’t talking about me…’
Trio: ‘Uh, yes, we were actually…’
Ron: Wow Hagrid! You have huge feet!
Hermione: And you know what they say about big feet *wink*….
Harry: Big shoes!
Harry: Hey look guys, its Rubeus Hagrid!
Ron: And he’s drinking a Pepsi!
Hagrid: Yes’ its good to see you all, but I’m not drinking a Pepsi…
Hagrid: I’m drinking a Pepsi Twist! And I’m not Rubeus Hagrid!
Hermione: You’re not?
Hagrid: Nope, *zip* I’m Professor Severus Snape 60 points from Gryffindor!
Hagrid: Harry, Ron, Hermione, were you the ones that attacked Malfoy last week? I know you know better than to do something like that!
Ron: Hey, don’t look at me! It was Hermione with that wicked, life-sucking power of hers!
Hagrid: Hermione! You were the last I expected to do something like that to him!
Hermione: *looks down*
Harry: Hey, I would have tried to stop her but my hands were frozen to my ears!
Hermione: Please! Don’t hurt Ron, Hagrid! He’s even pure-blood!
Harry: Hagrid, we know you’re the heir of Slytherin, but you wouldn’t hurt your friends, would you?!
Hagrid: No I was just saying Ron had some dirt on his robes… What about me being the heir of Slytherin?!
Ron: Uh oh….
Harry: We’re in trouble!
Hermione: *says from out of the corner of her mouth* Don’t move… maybe he can’t see us…
Hagrid: So, do you want to come with me to the Ravenclaw Common Room?
Harry: Ravenclaw? But I thought it was…
Hagrid: You know what Eric said…
All: It’s just not the same.
Ron: That’s completely disgusting!
Hermione: That’s repulsive!
Harry: Ummmmmm, that’s Hagrid!
Hagrid: Somethin’ wrong with Ron?
Hermione: Oh, nothing really…
Harry: He just saw his ‘grown up’ picture in Vanity Fair.
‘But what do you mean ‘we’re not cast in the 4th movie’?!’
Hermione: Honestly Ron, do you want to get rid of those slugs or not?
Ron: But Hermione, flesh-eating slug repellant?!
Hagrid: Come on now, don’t be a wimp. Just guzzle some down, you won’t feel a thing! This stuff will dry up and shrivel anything that even looks like a slug or a worm!
Ron: Well, there’s one thing I can think of that I definitely don’t want shriveled…
Harry: Oh yeah…I don’t think Madame Pomfrey could fix that.
Hagrid: Mad and hairy? you weren’t talkin’ ’bout me, now were yeh? *chuckles*
Ron: we were talking about…er-
Harry: Professor Dumbledore!
Hagrid: Great man, Dumbledore, great man…
Ron: Um, of course not, Hagrid! We weren’t talking about how we think you opened the Chamber of Secrets, and let a monster out, that ended up killing a little girl, and that somehow your the heir of Slytherin! Nope, we’re not talking about any of that stuff!
Ron: ‘What do you mean ‘Fang ate Scabbers‘?!’
Ron and Harry: Hagrid, what’s wrong?
Hagrid: That Muggle, Eric, hasn’t picked a single one of Andrea’s captions since she started entering the caption contest…
Hermione: Why do the hot guys always have to be so mean?!
Hermione: Oh, my!
Harry: I don’t believe it!
Ron: Hagrid, that’s who dies in Book Five?!
Hagrid: Er… I shouldn’t have told you that.
Hagrid: Darn, yeh found meh…