Week of July 27, 2003
Harry: *whispers* Don’t worry, Ron, he won’t see us under the Invisibility Cloak.
Ron: *whispers* You left the Invisibility Cloak back in the common room.
Ron: Why are you holding Professor McGonagall like that?
Filch: *screams* PROFESSOR McGONAGALL??? *drops the cat*
Filch: You boys are in BIG trouble now!!!
Harry: What did we do this time?..
Filch: You didn’t bring me a birthday present!! Ten-hundred Points From Gryffindor!!
Filch: Oh, dear, we are in trouble now, aren’t we?
Ron: Erm… well we didn’t mean to be late for the first night of school…
Harry: That’s a lovely cat you have, Sir…
Mrs. Norris: *HISSSSSSSS*
Harry: …And a great sense of aggression too!
Filch: Why did you put Mrs. Norris in that Vanishing Cabinet?!
Ron: We didn’t know she’d get stuck in a toilet?!
Filch: Oh, dear, are we in trouble…
Harry: I know Ron and I are, but what did you do?!
‘…And by the power invested in me… and this cat… I now pronounce you: Wizard, and Wizard.’
Filch: I’ll let you off this time, I was just on my way to the Room of Requirement to get some soap.
Ron: *whispers to Harry* about time…!
Ron: I swear it wasn’t us who put Mrs. Norris through the washing machine, Professor!
Filch: Then you must’ve been the ones who put her through the dryer after the washer!
Harry: *muttering* Don’t move! Maybe he can’t see us!
Filch: *singsong voice* Oh yes I can!
Ron: *shocked and appalled* It’s not true!
Harry: It can’t be!
Filch: -Yes, Harry Potter has been bought by Disney!
Filch: You two are going to get expelled, boys!
*Harry and Ron are silent*
Filch: Well? Don’t you have a word to say to me?
Harry: Two: Tooth–Brush
Filch: …You want to know why I’m so mean to you, do you? Well, wouldn’t you be a bit grumpy if they cut your only good scene out of the movie?!’
Mrs. Norris: Meow?
Harry: And that’s supposed to scare us?
Mr. Filch: …Well…. Yes…
Filch: Well, well, it’s Mr. Potter, and his partner in crime, Ronald Weasley!
Harry: And look, it’s Frankenstein…
Ron: *interrupts* And his sidekick who’s more powerful than him, his cat!
Mr. Filch: Now I will ask you boys just one more time. Whose idea was it to stick my beloved Miss Norris in that Movie Reel and owl her to Antarctica?!
Filch: Now, boys, that is how you strangle Mrs. Norris. Want to see it again?
Harry: I’ll pass! She can’t die again, not even in the Wizarding world!
Filch: ‘So you two think I can’t do magic? Pull my finger then!’
Filch: ‘Eenie meenie miney mo… One gets tortured, one can go!’
No, Mr. Filch, it’s Hermione’s parents you need to talk to!
Filch: Oh, dear, we are in trouble!
Harry: No we aren’t! We’re at Hogwarts!
Filch: Since when does my cat speak Snake tongue?
Harry: No! That’s not what I said?! Okay… let’s go over this again. I heard…
Filch: ‘Hey Potter, Weasley! Look at the kitty I just got for Christmas! Isn’t she cute?!’
Filch: *eyes dart around* So… umm… you guys wanna go hang in the dungeons? If you… uh… catch my drift…
Ron: Er… Mr. Filch, could we… borrow… Mrs. Norris?
Harry: Yeah, please?
Filch: What for? How do you borrow a cat?!
Harry: Well you see… er… we lost the Quaffle…
‘Now drop and give me twenty! Or the kitty gets it!’
Filch: ‘Here we are in a big stone corridor. Please do not touch anything, and no flash photography, please.’
Harry: What are you doing here?!
Filch: We couldn’t find a proper substitute while the Fat Lady’s on vacation…
Filch: Hey, Harry, Ron… I was just wondering if you thought that the replacement cat for this movie was better than the last?
‘Once again, boys, this is a cat, not a hall pass!’
Filch: What are you two doing up this late at night?!
Harry: We just got back from the Great Hall, Sir!
Ron: Yeah! *Laughing like a mad man* We were doing the Chicken Dance with Snape! You should’ve been there!
Filch: Well… I would have been if somebody *points to Harry* invited me!
‘Kissing in the corridors–DETENTION!‘
Mr. Filch: But I want to be a superhero too!
Harry: Alas, dear Roman-Catholic Monk holding the kitten, we mean you no harm.
Ron: We are but fellow journeymen on a quest to save the queen!
Harry: That didn’t work out, did it?
Filch: Not really…
Ron: Harry, look! So this is where they keep the actor who played Blofeld!