CC #058: Week of November 23, 2003
⬇️⬇️ Scroll down in the below area to read all captions from this week! ⬇️⬇️
Neville: I don’t believe it…
Dean: Well, this is certainly unusual…
Fred: If you’d have told me twenty-four hours ago this would happen…
George: I don’t think I would have believed you!
Lee: How can it be?
Ginny: This defies the laws of physics!
Angelina: I never thought I’d live to see the day…
Oliver: This is one for the record books!
Seamus: Who could have seen this coming?
Colin: Am I dreaming?
Hermione: Is it even possible?
Harry: Ron is the center of attention!
Ron: Hey, guys! I got a love letter from Christina Aguilera! And she sent a picture! *Whistles*
Harry: Whoa, She’s in a bikini!
All the Gryffindor Boys: Let me see!
Hermione: *Rolls her eyes* Slut…
‘Pucker up, you adorable letter you!’
Ron: Aw man!
Harry: What is it?
Ron: It’s an AOL 9.0 disk!
Hermione: Hmm… it says you have 450 free hours!
Ron: Yeah, but look! It says I only have 15 days to use them!
Ron: Well, 15 times 24 is 360! It would be impossible to finish them all!
Harry: Ron, how do you know Muggle math?
Neville: An even bigger question – How did Hermione not know that?!
*Everyone turns and stares at her*
Hermione: Oh no, you all caught me! *The Polyjuice Potion wears off revealing that she’s really Pansy Parkinson*
Pansy: I can deny it no longer! I love you, Ronald Weasley!
Harry: Is it from… You know who?
Ron: Yes! Yes! It is!
Colin: Well, what does it say?
*Ron opens the letter and reads*
Harry: *Reading over Ron’s shoulder* ‘Dear Ron’… ‘I have read your letter and this is all I have to say: I’ll never tell you what happens in Book Six! Bwa ha ha ha ha!’… ‘Your friend, J.K. Rowling’…
Hermione: How we all sprang from her head I’ll never understand… *Shakes her head*
‘You will give me that Creevey boy’s camera if you ever want to see your precious chip bowl ever again!
Your soon to be lord and ruler, Thomas M. Riddle Lord Voldemort He Who Must Not Be Named
The Really Really Bad Guy’
Seamus: Look, everyone! Weasley’s got himself a Howler!
Hermione: I’ve read about those! When the smoke turns red it means you’ve forgo-
Colin: No, Hermione! That’s the wrong line!
Hermione: Oh, right… Mandrake, or Mandragora, is used to-
Colin: No! You’re supposed to say –
Hermione: Oh, I got it! *Takes out her wand* Avada Kadevra!
Harry: Oooh, Ron has a love letter!
Hermione: Well? Who’s it from? Open it, open it!
Colin: *Thinks* Oops, maybe I should’ve sent it more privately…
Hermione: What is it, Ron?
Ron: The article in the Daily Prophet!
Harry: What does it say?
Ron: ‘Red-Haired Men Make Best Lovers’!
Ron: I got in! I got in to Harvard!
Harry: *Reads letter* Dear Mr Weasley, you have been accepted at Hogwarts Sch…
Ron: Well, it was close…
Ron: *Looking down at the red paper in his hands* I…it’s…it’s… *begins sobbing out of horror*
Hermione: A Howler from your mother for stealing that flying car?
Ron: N-no…worse… so much worse…
Harry: Voldemort is sending you death threats?
Ron: *Barely contains his hysteria* So much worse…
Hermione: Well, what is it?
Ron: An invitation to one of Michael Jackson’s sleepovers! *Begins sobbing again*
Everyone: *Gasps of shock and horror*
Howler: How Dare you steal Christopher Lloyd’s Delorean!
Harry: What’s that, Ron?
Colin: It can’t be, can it?
Ron: I’ve got a golden ticket, ’cause I’ve got a golden ticket. *Keeps singing the song*
Umbridge: *Walks up* What’s that, Weasley?
Ron: *Whispers disbelievingly* I’ve got a golden ticket, professor!
Umbridge: Well, I’ll just have to confiscate that. It’s direct contact with the Muggle world. *Walks away singing and shuffle-stepping* ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket, I’ve got a golden ticket…
Harry: Well, at least you’ve got a chocolate bar out of it!
Ron: Wicked! I finally got back my fortune application!
Harry: What’s it say?
Ron: ‘Your future shall be foretold: Height – 6’2”, Occupation – Employee at Leaky Cauldron, Residence – Small cottage in Bristol, Children – 3; Maria, John, Tabitha, Wife – Herm…’ *Looks up bewildered* !
Hermione: …What is it, Ron?
Ron: It can’t be…
Fleur’s voice from Howler: Stop writing me! Stop sending me pictures! I have a boyfriend! You make me sick, trying to steal your brother’s girlfriend! I will never like you! *Sticks tongue out*
Hermione: How dare you try to cheat on me! We are over! *Slams book and walks away*
Harry: …Sucks to be you, mate…
Ron: Look! I could win ten million dollars with Publisher’s Clearing House!
-Kristen M. (and Kim!)
Ron: Wow! I knew that being 16 had its brilliance! *Scribbles on parchment* Thanks, Dad! I’ll use these tonight! *Turns to Hermione* What are you doing tonight, hun?
Hermione: *Blushes furiously* um, well, nothing except my homework…
Ron: Well, how do you fancy me and my bed?
Hermione: *Blushing* Well, I’d have to look up a few things first…
Harry: *Turns to camera* And now you can see that Hermione uses a book for everything – even working out Mother Nature…
Ron: *Reading card* ‘If you want to take the dumby test, flip this card over‘… *flip* ‘If you want to take the dumby test, flip this card over‘… *flip*
Hermione: Ron, are you looking at the picture of Brittney and Madonna kissing at the VMA’s again?
Ron: *Snigger* No… *thinking* I wish I could be in the middle of them…
Ron: Oh No!
Ron: I get killed off in Book Six and guess who replaces me?!
Michael Jackson: Hey, guys!
Harry: Why’s everyone looking at Ron?! This is my movie, damnit! Mine! Pay attention to me!
Ron: Shut up, Harry. I’m fed up with being a sidekick. With this little red thingy I will rule the world!
Hermione: Ron, that’s completely impractical… but if you ever need a pretty female companion to assist you in your plot…
Ron: Don’t worry… I have Scabbers!
Harry: Look! Look at me! I’m looking so angsty! Jeez, what does a guy have to do to get some attention in his own movie these days? *Sighs*
Seamus: Look, everyone! Weasley’s got himself a Howler!
Ron: No, it’s okay! I had Subway for lunch!
Ron: I don’t believe it!
Ron: Colin Creevey made it into two captions in a row!
*Everybody turns to stare at Ron*
Hermione: You’re joking, right?
Colin: I’d like to thank all of the little people…
Ron: Oh no! It’s a Howler!
Neville: No it’s not!
Ron: But it’s red!
Harry: He’s right, Ron… It’s from your mom, but to your dad…
Ron: *Opens it*
Letter: *Molly in a soft voice* Hello, my little snuggle bunny! Meet me in the Hufflepuff Common Room like we used to in school…
Ron, Fred, George, Percy, and Harry: Aaaah! It BURNS!
Harry: Okay, Ron. This is the five thousand, seven hundred and forty-fifth fortune cookie. What does it say?
Ron: ‘That’ – ‘wasn’t’ – ‘chicken’…
Everyone: Not again!
Ron: *Reading* ‘Ronald… I know you don’t know who I am but you will… I’ve written a poem for you: Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don’t like me, I’ll put a spell on you.’…
Hermione: Hmm, I wonder who could have written that!
Ron: Oh yeah! After four years of playing this game, I’m finally at the final level!
Ron: Oh, wow! I’m almost to the magic key!
Ron: I don’t believe it! I’m gonna get to see what happens to the Star Princess! I’m closing in, I’m –
Hermione: Ron! For the last time, Electronics don’t work at Hogwarts!
*Game Boy self-destructs*
Ron: *Looking at slip of paper* Oh my gosh! I found a Golden Ticket! I’m going to the Wonka Factory! Yeah!
Hermione: Let me see that, Ron…
Ron: Okay, *Hands paper over*
Hermione: *Studies paper closely* Ron, you idiot! It’s not a Golden Ticket, it’s a letter requesting you to join the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!
*Everyone at the Gryffindor table laughs hysterically*
Ron: *Pauses* But I’m not gay!
Harry: What does it say?
Ron: Nothing… it’s blank…
Hermione: No… it says something on the back! This…letter…will…self…-des…truct…inBOOM!
Ron: *Singed face* …That was extremely helpful, Hermione…
*Gryffindor Common Room: 2:30 AM*
Hermione: All right, I’ll take, uh, truth!
Ron: Okay! *Grins* Who do you have a crush on?
Hermione: *Dreamily* Well, he’s got round black glasses…
Ron: *Turns red and looks at Harry*
Hermione: And messy, dark hair…
Ron: *Turns redder*
Hermione: And he’s got the most adorable smile…
Harry: Herm –
Ron: *Punches Harry in the nose*
Hermione: That Waldo, he’s a dreamboat!
Ron: Okay, okay, I’ll go… Does anybody have any 4’s?
Entire Great Hall: Go Fish…
Colin: Hey, look! Ron’s got a howler!
Ron: I’m so dead…
The Howler: *Mrs. Weasley’s voice* Ron! What you did was so punk rock! You are so gnarly! That was one of my personal top ten most rebellious things I’ve seen since your dad burned down his parents house!
*Ron and Harry high five*
*Ron opens the Howler*
Howler: Ron! What is the matter with you? I’m bringing you home right now! You’ll never see this school again! You will be locked in your room from now until I say so! AND, you will not be allowed to use Magic! *Calms down* But we do have good news… your father and I have just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico…
Ron: I’ve found the Sorcerer’s Stone!
Hermione: *Exasperated* Ron! How many times do I have to tell you? It’s the Philosopher’s Stone! That’s the proper name!
Harry: Not that it’s even the Philosopher‘s Stone…
Harry: Ron, you pulled it out of the packet of chips…
Dumbledore: One of my more ingenious ideas…
Everyone Watching: What?!
Ron: ‘Everyone thinks I’m scared of the Howler… but I’m actually puzzled… Where did my mum get the money to buy the Howler?!’
Hermione: ‘Was it really worth spilling those Corn Flakes everywhere just to get that free piece of plastic?‘
I am going to take a picture of you!
P.S. Make a funny face!’
Ron: *Makes a funny face*
Ron: Hey, there’s a note here next to my apple!
Harry: What’s it say?
Ron: *Opens it, stares fixated*
Ron: …It’s a letter from the House-elves…
Ron: They say I eat too much – they can’t feed their young!
Ron: Harry! Sirius’s Mirror!
Harry: …what about it?
Ron: He may be gone – but the him inside here isn’t!
Ron: Look! *Hands it over*
Sirius: *In a steamy shower* Oooh, Life could be a dream! *Sh-boom* If I could take you up in paradise up above! *Sh-boom* And you would tell me I’m the only one that you love! Life could be dream, Swweeeet-heeeaaarrrrtttt…