Week of February 1, 2004
Harry: What the -?
Snape: Superbowl Sunday! *Headbutts Filch* Yeah!
Harry: *Reading on the board* ‘Win a date with Tad Hamilton’… who’s that?
Ron: And… and… Hermione signed up!
Ron: ‘It’s just a little…further…up my back, Harry…almost…aaah! Thanks for the scratch, pal!’
Harry: Ron, there’s a reason you’re crying… tell me?
Ron: *Cries even harder*
Ron: *Sobbing* I have my fingers stuck in the rear end of a statue of a hog!
Ron: Umm, Harry… I think… Snape’s mooning us!
Harry: Wow… I didn’t know they put Dark Marks in two places!
Ron: What the… gross!
Harry: I heard Fred and George say they were going to do something worthy of Hogwarts: A History, but sending 10,000 clones of themselves streaking through the Great Hall is going way too far!
Ron: …I just don’t understand it…
Harry: Me neither….
Ron: When did Aaron Carter start going to Hogwarts?
Harry: Orlando Bloom is wearing a skirt in his next movie…
Ron: And the girls still like him! How does he do it?
After mistakenly finding themselves in the Slytherin Girl’s dorm…
Ron: Pansy Parkinson starkers! I’ve gone blind! …No, I’m dying! It’s a killing curse!
Harry: I’d be too if the prop department had forgotten to put the lenses back in my glasses… so once again I’m the boy who lived!
Ron: ‘uosdwis i. Jawoh’? What kind of a name is that?
Harry: I think you’re reading it upside down – it says ‘Homer J. Simpson’.
At 10:56 p.m. Christmas night, Hermione came out of the closet. Ron was surprised, and Harry was shocked. She’s not gay or anything… just really good at Hide and Seek.
Harry: Well… I s’pose Fluffy had to go to the loo somewhere…
Ron: The bad thing is, this passage is the only way back…
Ron: Hey, Harry?
Ron: If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Ron: I think I need to borrow your glasses, Harry… Does that say ‘Enemies of Cher beware’?
Harry: She never fooled me for a minute. She was horrible at dressing like a Muggle…
-Jaime and Brannan
Ron: What the bloody hell was that?
Harry: I believe it was Janet and Justin pulling another one of those ‘wardrobe malfunction’ deals…
Ron: Harry, not to be rude or anything… but why have you got your hand down my robes?
Harry: Astronomy homework, Ron… mapping Uranus…
Ron: That’s supposed to be Sirius Black?
Harry: I’m not sure…
Ron: He kinda looks like he had a wardrobe malfunction…
*Snape walks by*
Harry: Good thing we’re under the Invisibility Cloak, otherwise that hook-nosed git would see us…
Ron: *Squints* We’re not wearing it, Harry…
*Snape walks back*
Snape: Even if you were wearing it, it doesn’t stop sound…
Harry and Ron: *Silence*
Snape: 67 points from Gryffindor, Potter, for lack of common sense… *trots off*
Ron: ‘Er… Harry? Don’t you think that floating handguns are a little too blatant, even for them?‘
Harry: Ron, watch it!
Ron: Sorry, Harry… I guess I’m allergic to synthetic silk undergarments afterall…
Ron: Harry? Do you think… maybe we should tell Hermione?
arry: No… by the time she believes us they’d’ve already succeeded!
House-Elf: Aren’t we tired of having to question our loyal job?
Other Elves: Yeah!
House-Elf: Aren’t we tired of opening drawers, folding clothes, pushing in chairs, flossing the students’ teeth, cleaning their toes, making the beds, and picking up after them only to find that that Mudblood Hermione Granger has left us a little surprise to set us free from our favorite pass-time?
Other Elves: Yeah!
House-Elf: – And what are we gonna do about it?
Other Elves: Get’er!