Week of March 28, 2004
Brendan Fraser: ‘I’ve come to rid the world of all evil, starting with your pajamas…’
Neville: I want my mummy!
Rick: ‘Mummy’? Where?
Neville: Not that kind of mummy!
Man: …Please move?
Neville: Y-y-you don’t scare me! I-I-I’ll fight you!
Man: Look kid – I’ve fought mummies, mud gnomes, sacred spirits, scorpion kings, and man-eating dung beetles. What makes you think I’m scared of a thirteen-year-old kid like you?
So, it was the Ancient Egyptians who invented teleportation!
Teacher: Okay, Neville… just remember this: If you ever get nervous and would like to tell me something, first count backwards from ten to calm yourself down, okay?
Neville: *shrieks* teacher, teacher! Oh gosh, ten-nine-eight-seven-six-five-four-three-two-one – your pants are on fire!
Rick: Hey, this isn’t so bad…
Imhotep: Ah, it may seem like that now, but I have put you in a place even worse than the Underworld – for you’ll eternally be stuck in a castle filled with teenage kids who have raging hormones! *laughs evilly*
Brendan Fraser: ‘Hey, kid, out of the way. Who do you think I am – Gilderoy Lockhart?’
Man: You called for a mummy exterminator?
Neville: What are you playing at, my mum was already ext- *cries* mummy!
Man: …Must be a wizard thing… *walks over to Harry* you called for-
O’Connell: Keeta mi pharos, aja nilo
Hermione: You idiot, you’ve just said ‘come with me, my princess, it’s time to make you mine for all eternity’!
Neville: *appalled* I’m never wearing my grandmother’s nightdress again – never!
Neville’s gran sends him a really cool new nightlight… which he quickly learns to fear as it starts channeling Brendan Fraser…
Neville: Hey, you shouldn’t be here! You’re not even in this story – so get out! I-I’ll fight you!
Rick: Hey, kid, life’s a caption – we just live in it!
Brendan: Muhammad! I’ve got the secret documents – Hogwarts is ours!
Neville: Harry, why are playing dress-up in the middle of the night?!
Rick: Hi, I’m looking for a mummy?
Neville: You’re looking for your mummy?
Rick: No, a mummy. Have you seen one?
Neville: You’re a grown man – what do you need your mummy for?
Man: Yes, Neville, what is your unanswered question?
Neville: Well, if Pringles are so good that ‘once you pop, you just can’t stop’, then why do they come with a re-sealable lid?
Brendan Fraser: Are you Eric?
Neville: No – why, do you want him?
Brendan: Aarushi sent me to make sure this caption is posted on her birthday!
Neville: You can’t be real, you must be CG!
Rick: No, you’re CG!
Neville: If that’s true, then how can you have a flaming torch that close to your…
Man: Did you know that if you wave this thing around fast enough, you can almost write your name?
Neville: *Pulls out wand and writes I AM NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM*.
Both: Rock, paper, wand, shoot!
Neville: For the last time, ‘torch’ is not an option!
Big brother appreciation day…
‘I am the ghost of the day after Christmas – Mwahaha!’
O’Connell: Dude, teddy bears?
Neville: Dude, a night light?
Brendan: Hey, kid – you didn’t by chance see a rabbit and a duck run by here, did you?
Neville: No… why?
Brendan: They’ve been jumping through portraits all day, but ever since they entered a world where that sort of thing is actually possible, they’ve decided to try their luck with brooms and re-enact The Sorcerer’s Apprentice…
Neville: Hmm – come to think of it, the girls’ bathroom on the second floor was pretty leaky…
Brendan: Thanks! *Runs off*