Week of April 4, 2004
Harry: I’m really becoming concerned about the amount of homework we might be given this term…
Hermione: How so?
Harry: For starters, the size of the pencils we’ve been issued…
Harry: *thinking* Why am I smelling Hermione’s finger?
Hermione: *thinking* Why is Harry smelling my finger?
Ron: *thinking* Why is Harry smelling Hermione’s finger?
Slytherin Kid: Hey look, everyone, Harry’s smelling Hermione’s finger!
*Everybody leans in to look*
Madam Hooch: ‘Okay, children, welcome to Camp Green Lake. I see that you all have your abnormally large shovels with you, so please step forward and each dig one hole five feet deep and five feet across!’
Hermione: ‘Ugh, my mum was right! ”Hermione,” she said, ”You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose!” Why didn’t I ever listen?’
Hermione: *thinking* ‘Maybe if I tried hard enough, I could see through the back of my head…’
Hermione: You know, for a clownfish he really isn’t that funny…
Hermione: My supersonic hearing – it’s detecting something! Two Slytherins… talking about… flying!
Ron: *Whispers to Harry* Do you think we should tell her that they’re only two feet behind her and that it’s hardly ‘supersonic’?
Hermione: I heard that!
–Thoughts of the Students-
Ron: Why do they chain the pens down at banks but leave the doors wide open?
Harry: I wonder what they do when they have to modify someone’s memory and then the person goes wishing everyone a merry Christmas in the middle of April…
Hermione: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction – so how did I end up with these two?
Harry: No fair, Hermione! Your giant pretzel stick is longer than mine!
Hermione: Of course it is, you dolt! Everyone knows that girls need to consume more carbs than boys!
Snape: Could those be the miners?
Lockhart: Well sure – they’ve got to be what, nine years old?
Snape: Miners, not minors!
-Amy and Sam
Hermione: Oh dear…
Ron: Well, we’ve found Sirius Black…
Harry: Maybe we should come back another time – I mean, when he’s not giving birth to puppies…
Ron: What’s that?
Harry: It looks dangerous…
*Johnny Depp, Yoda, Legolas, Aragorn, the big-purple-dinosaur-that’s-not-Barney, and Brendan Fraser bang on the bars of a cage*
Hermione: It clearly states in Hogwarts: A History that all Maniacal March characters are to be kept in a cage in the dungeons for all eternity, so that they cannot reveal the magical world to Muggles.
Boy: Did you hear about Neville? Nearly wet himself when that maniac with a torch showed up in his room…
Ron: Blimey! That crater has to be 5ft wide and 8 feet deep! Draco must’ve been doing 100 kilometers an hour when he hit…
Harry: I’d guess 200…
Hermione: 237.894 kilometers per hour, considering the top speed of a Cleansweep 5 is only 37 kilometers per hour factored in with the gravitational pull of 9.8 meters per second and diving from an altitude of 145 meters…
Crabbe: …Does this mean I get Draco’s coconut pie tonight?
Ron: Hey, Hermione, I have a question that I know you don’t have an answer for!
Hermione: Ha – that’s humorous, just try…
Ron: Why do they call apartments ‘apartments’ if they’re stuck together?!
Harry: Haha, and why does sour cream have an expiration date?!
Ron: And if infants enjoy infancy, why don’t adults enjoy adultery?!
Hermione’s less-than-inspiring pep talk…
Hermione: All right, Gryffindor, let this team walk!
All: Let us walk!
Hermione: We won’t just walk, we’ll run!
All: Let us run!
Hermione: We won’t just run, we’ll fly! But if we’re going to fly, we’re going to need some real skill!
Ron: Let us walk!
Ron: Maybe we should get the nurse…
Hermione: That Bludger must have hit him harder than we thought…
Draco: *Singing from ground* Sunshine, lollipops and – rainbows everything…
Hermione: ‘Guys! You can’t all hide behind my back – playing hide and go seek is so totally not fun!’
In the Muggle Studies class…
Hermione: I find the Native Americans of North America absolutely fascinating…
Harry: Yes, but do we have to build a teepee to scale?
Ron: *Blankly* What’s a ‘peetee’?
Harry: *thinking* One good thing I inherited from my father was certainly the ability to see through clothes…
Hermione: *thinking* That ability I inherited from my grandmother, to realize when someone is seeing through your clothes, is starting to kick in…
-Ricea and Tring
Hermione: Harry, why are you examining my fingernails?
Harry: Because they’re so beautiful with the rainbow nail polish that you put on them. Where’d you get that nail polish anyway?
Hermione: I used magic – but don’t tell Snape. The last time I had some, he said that the pink in the rainbow clashed with the scarlet on my tie…
Harry: Hermione, what was the color of George Washington’s white horse?
Hermione: Well it was, uh… wait! Is that on the test?!
Hermione: Is that Neville on the ground?
Harry: Yeah, but I’ve no idea what that green stuff is…
Ron: We didn’t have anything green for lunch, did we?
Neville: *Wakes up* Hey, where’s Trevor?
Hermione: Sorry, Harry, but my broom just seems to be drawn to your head by some mysterious force… *snickers*