Week of May 30, 2004
Dumbledore: Professor Flitwick, have you seen my index cards for this year’s speech? I can’t see them from way up here.
Flitwick: I don’t know sir. Try to retrace your steps.
Dumbledore: Oh yes, I went to the bathroom earlier and well, er…
Dumbledore: Well, there was no more toilet paper, and well…
-Sara, Elsa, and Dilara
Dumbledore: And one last announcement, yes, I do use Pantene Pro-V conditioner.
The teachers were all shocked at Dumbledore’s infuriated outburst one night at dinner. ‘Dratted house elves! They gave me regular coke when I wanted diet!’
Dumbledore: We would like to welcome back Professor Flitwick, who had gone missing for a week, but was found in my beard late this afternoon.
Flitwick:*thinking* Wow, i wanna be like him when i grow up!
Dumbledore: Attention! At the moment there is 1 day, 7 hours, 50 minutes and 20 seconds until Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban! *Students and teachers erupt into cheers* Settle down, settle down! I do however, have some very disappointing news. Tina’s caption was once again not chosen for the caption contest on the wonderful website called ‘Mugglenet’ *Entire hall starts shouting*
Fred: It can’t be!
George: You must be kidding!
Malfoy: I’ll be talking to my father about this!
Snape: Who cares? There’s only 1 day, 7 hours, 46 minutes, and 32 seconds until PoA! *Notices odd looks* What? I get to yell at you, wear a dress, and tell you to turn to page 394! Who wouldn’t be excited?
Dumbledore: And I would like to announce that my summer cloning project was a complete sucess…Students meet my MINY ME!!
Flitwick: That’s it I’m shaving my beard.
Dumbledore: I have exceptionally great news….Voldemort is invading, we dont have any defenses, and all the toilets are overflowing…..
McGonnagal: That’s good news?!
Dumbledore: Well, that isn’t but I just saved a bunch of money on my broom insurance by switching to Geico.
Dumbledore: Hey everyone, let’s go bother Snape!
Harry: Bother, bother!
Ron: Bother, bother!
Dumbledore: Pupils of Hogwarts, something terrible has happened, a great tragedy indeed – My razor has been stolen!
Dumbledore: Troll in the dungeon!
Professor Quirrel: Hey! That’s my line!
Dumbledore: We need to unite to overcome the hardships our world will be facing in the very near future. I think it is time we all ask ourselves a very important quesion….
Flitwick: And what would that be, Albus?
Dumbledore: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Purple robes from Madam Malkin’s: 5 galleons
Half-Moon Spectacles: 2 galleons
Realizing your beard is starting to catch fire: PRICELESS
Dumbledore: If you would look to my right, you will find that I have been cloned. He is exactly like me in all aspects, but 1/6 my size. I shall call him Mini-D.
Dumbledore: And finally, the owner of a green ford focus, licence-plate XL3 78W5, it is blocking the entrance to Hagrids hut. Please move it emmidiatly, or Hagrid will for you.
Dumbledore: I have an announcement! The London Bridge-is FALLING DOWN!
Snape: Falling down?
Dumbledore: Falling down.
Flitwick: The London Bridge is falling down?!?!
Ron: My fair lady!
Dumbledore: May I have your attention please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Dumbledore: Now my students and collegues, I must ask you a burning question… Pepsi or Coke?