Week of June 6, 2004
Hermione: I never knew Dementors had a playful side to them – just look at the way they’re all dancing around Professor Snape!
Harry: I don’t think they’re playing, Hermione; Dementors don’t have very well-defined hearing, and when that one kid complimented Snape on how well he wore a green frock, I think I heard him reply, ‘Seriously, I’m in Black!‘…
Harry: ‘Stop smiling, Hermione – it’s not your baby picture being flashed across the station Jumbo-tron!’
Hermione: Harry, we’re in 2001! The Time-Turner shouldn’t have taken us back this far!
Harry: Cheap plastic…
Announcer: Aaaannnd behind Door #1, we have the lovely bachelorette, Hermione Granger!
Harry: *Gulp* [slams door]-Doyle
Harry: Hurry, Ron, or the train may leave without us!
Hermione: I’ve never seen him run so fast! *Starting to cheer* Come on, Ron! You can make it!
Harry: He’s nearly made it!
*They both stair horrified as a large black dog grabs Ron by the leg and drags him under the Whomping Willow*
Harry: And he trips on the home stretch…
Hermione: Oh, Harry! You’re such a gentleman!
Harry: Just hurry up and get in before anyone sees!
Should I tell Hermione how bad her hair looks from the back? Nah, she’ll find out sooner or later…
Harry: ‘…are you suggesting coconuts migrate?’
Harry: And so, if you touch the train while it’s moving, it massages your hand!
Hermione: Hey, it does!
To board or not to board, that is the question…
Hermione: ‘That’s right, Harry, copy me. Push the door away from you… good. Now, let go of the handle, and then step into the train. Honestly, hasn’t anyone read ”The Art of Boarding the Hogwarts Express”?!’
Hermione: Bye, Parvati! See you next year at the Official Gilderoy Lockhart Club!
Harry: *Terrified* Of-Official Gi-Gilderoy L-Lockhart C-Club?!
Harry: *Thinking* Wow, Hermione’s a fox!
Hermione: *Thinking* Wow, Hagrid’s a fox – or at least I can turn him into one!
Ron: Hey, guys, look! A new article about Sirius Black in the Daily Prophet!
Hermione and Harry: *Reading* …Black’s black bike’s back brake bracket block broke…
-Ines, Pau, and Mari
Hermione: Look, Harry! Your future in-laws – my parents!
Hermione: We did make a comeback in 2004! I can’t wait until The Day After Tomorrow to see if we’re still #1 at the box office!
Harry: Yeah! If we’re not, I might just Kill Bill!
Hermione: Those Mean Girls finally gave in to watching Harry Potter, didn’t they? If it weren’t for them, we wouldn’t have been Saved!
Hermione: *In awe* Oh Harry, you shouldn’t have!
Harry: …I shouldn’t have what?
Hermione: We’re eloping and honeymooning in Paris! It’s a dream come true!
Harry: *Gulps* I knew I shouldn’t have switched my tea with Ron’s!
Ron: *Off-screen* Where are you going?
Hermione: We’re off to see the Wizard – the wonderful Wizard of Oz!
Harry: Yeah… that crazy fairy lady told us to ride the Yellow-Lined Train.
Harry: Okay – so, we’ve had Spiderman, a green chicken, Gandalf and Saruman, Wolverine, Jack Sparrow, Legolas and Aragorn, a T-Rex, and Rick O’Connell… who’s next?!
Hermione: First of all, it’s Captain Jack Sparrow, and – oh my gosh – it’s N’sync!
Harry: Hermione, you’re not frowning – aren’t you sad we’re leaving Hogwarts?
Hermione: It’s the botox – I can’t show emotion for another hour.
Harry: What’s going on, why are we stopped? Oh, no! The Hogwarts Express is being robbed by Butch Cassidy and the Hole-in-the-Wall Gang!
Hermione: Oh yes, and the Sundance Kid is soo dreamy!
Hermione: *Singing* Conjunction Junction – what’s your function?!
Harry: Hermione, shut up and get on the train!
Hermione: Hey, look, it’s Fang!
Harry: Hey, Fa – Why isn’t he slowing down?!
Hermione: *Runs by* Gentlemannius!
Harry: Ladies first…
Hermione: Harry, look! Up in the sky – it’s a bird!
Harry: It’s a plane! No…no, you were right the first time, it’s a bird.
An Evil Voice: Harry…. Haaaarryyy….
Harry: *In his mind* Who are you? What do you want?!
Evil Voice: Me? Why, I want what you want, Harry, and what you want is to concentrate… do you see that train door in front of you? Grasp it…. That know-it-all Hermione Granger is just on the other side. You must wait for the opportune moment, Harry – when nobody is watching and she herself is looking the other way… And once that moment dawns, you SLAM it closed!