The U-Bend #2: Alt.Mugglenet.Chat.Com

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by Andrew Lee and Robert Lanto

“Look out for ‘Squidward’.”

-J.K. Rowling (J.K. Rowling’s Official Website)

According to a not too recent post on the revamped J.K. Rowling Official Site (it was dated March 15, 2004) she was in the MuggleNet chatroom in disguise. While that was interesting news in itself, the more impressive part is that she was willing to talk about book seven theories. What really gets us is that apparently no one was interested in any of her theories. NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! That’s all Robert would say for five minutes when he found out. Let’s just say that I took a different approach by banging my head on the keyboard for a few moments… okay until I passed out. Look, we understand that not everyone is interested in talking about Harry Potter all the time, but at least give everyone a chance to share their opinions, no matter how crazy they may seem.

In all fairness we weren’t in the chatroom at the time so, what really happened there will forever be a mystery to us. Although, we think it went something like this:

[Not J.K. Rowling]: Hello everyone!

[MuggleNet User 1]: LOL!

[MuggleNet Admin]: That’s why Slytherin will always be the best house in Hogwarts.

[MuggleNet User 2]: I’m bored!

[Not J.K Rowling]: So, who wants to talk about some Harry Potter theories?

[MuggleNet User 1]: Like how Voldie will reform himself and work at Saint Mungos?

[MuggleNet Admin]: Nah, we did that last week, let’s talk about Spongebob Squarepants.

[MuggleNet User 2]: Who’s going to see the Spongebob Movie?

[Not J.K. Rowling]: *sigh* Do you think that Mr. Plankton will ever get the Mr. Krabby Patty recipe?

So, where does that leave us? We missed a golden opportunity to hear wisdom from master Rowling and instead got a discussion about how the residents of Bikini Bottom would be better off without Squidward. That’s all great for all the Spongebob fans out their, but for people like us (ie. obsessed) who need every single hint and clue we can get about the upcoming Harry Potter novels, let’s just say it was quite a blow. To quote Robert “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”

At any rate, we’ve slowly recovered from the shock. To be fair, no one should obsess over Harry Potter all the time, nor should the MuggleNet chatroom be limited to Harry Potter topics only. So while the opportunity has come and gone, it did make an interesting story on J.K. Rowling’s site, didn’t it? Plus, it probably will generate a lot more interest in the MuggleNet chatroom and interesting stories (“Dude, I was there when we talked about Spongebob.”) across the Potter Internet community. Also, what are the odds of J.K. Rowling sneaking in again and pulling a fast one over us all again… right? Right?