Week of September 19, 2004
Headline: Major Plot Point Escapes from Azkaban Prison.
I’m serious! My middle name is not Lee!
Ron: ‘Look, Harry, I think he’s trying to flip us the bird!’
‘In your face, screaming book of doom! Look who got your job!’
Wizard For Sale: Slightly used, a little dirty. 10 Galleons – best offer. Flea collar not included.
Sirius: ‘Aah! Do you know how painful bowtruckles in your pockets can be?!’
Headline: How to Get Teeth Whiter than the Paper!
OLDMAN NOT TO SHOW IN ‘OLD BOY’ SHOCKER!
Full Story, Pg. 2
SHOCKING PICTURES, Pg. 3
Rambling Commentary, Pg. 4
EXCLUSIVE interview, Pg. 8
‘What?! Was I supposed to lather, rinse, and then repeat?!’
‘And I want you to buy this product now, or I’ll hunt you down and kill you!’
(After seeing so many faces, Sirius had to scream…)
Prophet Reader: He really is a ragged fellow, isn’t he?
Sirius’ Photo: *Makes rude sign*
Unfortunately, Gary Oldman was unable to accept a cameo role in Gothika… or One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest… or Girl, Interrupted…
Sirius: Help me!
Hermione: Oh no! It’s worse than I thought!
Sirius: Yes! Now please help me out of this wretched piece of paper!
Hermione: Now remember, Sirius, goosfrabaa….
Sirius: Goosfrabaa – now get me out!
‘Help! They’re after me Lucky Charms!’
Sirius: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH… *takes deep breath* …AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
‘I deserve to be on a Chocolate Frog Card!’
It’s 10 O’clock. Do you know where your hairstylist is?
Sirius: What? I’m in the paper? No! I’d rather be in Azkaban!
Dementors: THAT can be arranged!
‘Yes! I finally got the Malibu Barbie Vacation House!‘
Sirius: *Looking at newspaper around him* ‘A3kaban? Stupid editors…’
Alfonso: *Clicking with cameras* That’s it, Gary, be a tiger! Be a tiger!
This Week in the Daily Prophet: Stubby Boardman gives it all up to join the Muggle rock band Metallica.
Mrs. Black: ‘I told him his face would stick like that!’
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE SPICE CHANNEL STOPPED WORKING AGAIN?!
(continuation to Sara’s caption last week)
Mortisha Addams: ‘Oh, look, Gomez! Thing’s taken a liking to the nice crazy man!’
Sirius: ‘Professor’s Lupin’s mustache is NOT stupid!’
Gary Oldman: I knew I should have listened to my agent when he told me to read the fine print. I never thought I’d actually be the fine print!
The Quibbler reports: Sirius Black, the first man to give birth ever. It’s a girl!!
Class pictures at their worst…
Upon hearing ‘Something Wicked This Way Comes’ for the 857th time, Sirius Black went a bit over the edge…
Sirius: ‘Is there some reason why I’m screaming in EVERY, SINGLE picture? It’s not the kind of publicity I would like to have. What am I – a Mandrake? Speaking of looking like a Mandrake, have you seen Eloise Midgen lately?’
Sid & Nancy 2: Just Sid