Week of November 14, 2004
Hagrid: Who wrote ‘She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain’?
Hagrid: Who invented cursive?
Hagrid: How do you say ‘cat’ in Cambodian?
Harry: Here’s a question – why didn’t Voldemort die?
Hagrid: What was that?
Harry: It was Hermione not commenting on the back of her head because ‘The Management’ pulled the plug on it.
Harry: There’s Dumbledore, Hagrid.
Hagrid: Oh, good. Maybe he can help me change this teacup back into my hand.
Hagrid: Look over the land, Harry. Everything that the light touches will some day be your kingdom.
Harry: What about the shadow past?
Hagrid: That is David Thewlis’ mustache, Harry. You must never go there.
The Magical variation of ‘Little House on the Prairie’.
Hagrid: What are ‘ermione and Ron doing in me pumpkin patch?!
Harry: They’re moving about three or four movies ahead, that’s what they’re doing…
Harry: Thanks for being such a good sport, Hagrid.
Harry: Now I’ll just whip this stool sample back to the lab for a DNA test and we can cross you off the list for suspects to the identity of the Half Blood Prince!
Harry: Hagrid, what are Dumbledore and Buckbeak doing?
Hagrid: He’s been wanting to experiment, ever since he read a thing called ‘fan fiction’.
Hagrid: I guess I should’ve warned the Slytherins that it was Hippogriff mating season.
Harry: They should’ve realized that that was the reason why your hut was moved…
Photographer: ‘Don’t they make a cute couple? This photo will be a Christmas card, it will…’
Hagrid: Is that Hermione and Ron walking down to the beach there?!
Harry: Oh my gosh! What are they doing with that Jell-O?!
Harry: Hi, I’m Harry Potter.
Hagrid: And my name is Rubeus Hagrid.
Together: And we’re here to give your house an Extreme Makeover!
Hagrid attempts to earn some fame by putting on a ventriloquist act with Harry as the dummy.
-Mac and Cheese
Hagrid: Harry, you really need a growth spurt, I could have sworn you were taller in Chamber of Secrets.
Harry: Yeah, well, Alfonso didn’t like me taller. Go figure.
Hagrid: So, in what would’ve been my fifth year, I fell in love with a blond girl from Ravenclaw. I still remember. She liked long walks on the beach, romantic candlelit dinners, Jell-O…
Harry: *Gasp* Hagrid! You dated The Management?!
Hagrid: Is something wrong with Ron?
Harry: Yes! Ron has been referring to himself as ‘The Ron’ ever since he read the MuggleNet Caption Scroller with all the ‘The Management’ references!
Hagrid: Look at Madam Maxime in the lake…
Harry: It’s times like this when you wish you were an octopus… *sighs*
This is the result of having no girlfriend. You end up living with a giant.
Delighted, the teacup that did not make it to the final cut of Beauty and the Beast makes its big film debut.
Harry: You know, Hagrid, if the viewers stare at you long enough, you seem to disappear. Just like that cat in Alice in Wonderland!
Hagrid: Disappearing… like the actors in the Order of the Phoenix movie.
Harry: ‘Yes, Hagrid, I do believe that teacup on the windowsill completes the whole ArtDeco theme you’ve got going on in your hut.’
Hagrid: ‘Why does Dumbledore always declare that it’s ‘’Naked Time” at the most inappropriate times of the day?’
Cuaron: Uh, Hagrid, you’re in the picture too much. We want to get both of you in it.
Hagrid: I knew this was a bad idea.
Harry: We have to please the *shippers*
Harry: ‘Quick, Hagrid. Grab a pitchfork and we’ll look like ‘’American Gothic”.’
Harry: Wow! I really like what you’ve done to the garden! I didn’t know you were so creative!
Hagrid: Well, just a trick I learnt in Azkaban from some woman named Martha…
‘As you can see, it’s a spacious one-bedroomed property with magnificent views of both Hogwarts and the Forbidden Forest’.
Hagrid/Harry Shippers: Yay!
Kettle/Teacup Shippers: Yay!
Hagrid and Harry wake up to find the Peanuts gang and Charlie Brown rejoicing over finally finding the great pumpkin. It’s unfortunate that they didn’t see Buckbeak first.
Harry: What’s that thing in the forest?
Hagrid: Oh, don’t worry, that’s just Professor Lupin turning into a werewolf. Whoops, shouldn’t have said that!
Hagrid: Hello, and welcome to ‘Hagrid’s Kitchen’. Today I’ll be using my friend Harry here to help me make rock cakes!
Harry: *Mouths* Turn it off! Don’t do it!
-Sarah and Emily
‘Why does that Smurf have an ice pack on its head?’
Hagrid: Some day, Harry, all this will be yours.
Harry: What, the curtains?
(Continuation to M.L.’s this week)
Ron: *Outside, running around* The Ron! The Ron! It’s all about the Ron!
Ron: *Running frantically, hands over head* The Ron! The Ron! It’s all about the Ron!
Ron: The Ron! The Ron! It’s all about the – *trips over pumpkin, falls flat on face* oomph…
Harry: Phew, glad that’s over.
Ron: *Head pops up* The Ron!