Week of January 2, 2005
And it was in anticipation of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince that Dumbledore’s arms finally had enough, and decided to fall off to search for the book themselves.
Dumbledore: *Singing* Slowly, deftly, night unfurls its splendor. Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender. Open up your mind! Let your fantasies unwind!
Snape: *Thinking* I knew getting him the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack for Christmas was a bad idea… but did the others listen? Nooo, don’t listen to Snape!
-May and Leatah S
Today’s episode of Twilight Zone: Is there magic really out there?
Snape: Sir… one of the members of the DA has released a feeble patronus aimed at me, but it obviously missed.
Dumbledore: Harry, at the next meeting please make sure you remind everyone that Professor Snape is not a Dementor.
Harry: *Offscreen* Umm… Sure…
Sirius: *Under Invisibility Cloak* Bloody hell!
Dumbledore: ‘Enchanting the ceiling was just a clever ruse to escape ever having to clean it.’
Dumbledore: ‘Alas, once again Professor Snape wins the staff’s annual ‘Blend In with the Night Sky’ competition.
After reading ‘A Brief History of Time’, the Death Eaters thought that a black hole would be a quite original way to get rid of Dumbledore. He didn’t even see it coming.
Dumbledore: May the Force be with you…
Snape: Do you feel that? A disturbance? In the Force?
Alfonso: Cut! This is Harry Potter, not Star Wars! Remember – you’re training a wizard, Dumbledore, not a Jedi!
Harry: *Mutters* Make cuts from book to make a movie, angry the viewers will be… mmm….
The album cover from Dumbledore and Snape’s neopsychadelic musical collaboration as ‘The Dukes of the Stratosphere’.
Dumbledore: ‘First Harry’s body, then my arms, what’s next? Eric, you must sell that car and replenish MuggleNet’s funding immediately.’
Dumbledore: ‘Caption gizmo thingy’? How old is he, like four?
Dumbledore models a new line of maternity clothes from Gladrags Wizardwear.
Snape and Dumbledore’s role as investigators for the Apparation Licensing Board had never seen such a botched attempt as this.
Dumbledore: ‘I’m afraid that apparating into another galaxy entirely means that you have not passed your test.’
Eric: *Reading an email left in the comment box* ‘I think ur contest wud be da bomb if you had da caption ppl doing da robot.’
Snape: *Watches as the Geico Gecko walks by doing the robot*
Eric: O…kay… That one will just go in the trash…
Albus: *Nods slowly*
Dumbledore: Tut, tut. Looks like he’s knocked out.
Snape: Give him some chocolate; I’ve got some right here.
Dumbledore: Got any Milky Way?
Snape: ‘How can I take someone with a beard-tie seriously? Leaving Voldemort was a big mistake…
-Kristen and Lauren
After 300 angry emails, the toy company realized their mistake.
Email: ‘I was very disturbed to find that the Snape body seems to be attached to Hagrid’s hands and the Dumbledore Doll doesn’t have hands at all. After the incident with the Headless Harry Doll, I do not think I will be buying from your store any longer.’
Snape: Professor, the night sky is behaving most strangely tonight…
Dumbledore: Yes, it means Voldemort has indeed returned.
Snape: But… what happened to the Dark Mark?
Dumbledore: Voldemort has gotten over that whole death phase. Now he’s into disco.
Dumbledore: *Reading the news scroller (the part about Eric claiming full responsibility for the Oct., Nov., and Dec. malfunctions in the archives)* As he should! I was one of those 237 people!’
Snape: ‘Potter! What is your head doing out of bed? Fifty points from Gryffindor!’
Dumbledore: With all these cosmic and wondrous bodies spinning peacefully about us and the little ones sleeping ever so soundly, why do you look so distraught, Severus?
Snape: I’m just worried, Headmaster, what if Miss Rowling is one of those people that never take their Christmas decorations down?
Dumbledore: Come Severus, she’s been very busy lately. We’ll give her till February… then I’ll send some house elves.
*Continuation to Kluthra’s Caption last week*
Dumbledore: Well, if he gets to be Completely Bodiless Harry, I want to be Armless Albus!
Snape: *Thinking* And to think I swore loyalty to this man…
Long ago, in a magic school far, far away…
Van Gough’s newest painting: Starry Nightgown.
Dumbledore: ‘I believe I had a different intention for the statement ‘’Severus is my right hand man”…’
Harry: *Looking up at the sky* ‘What’s going on here? MuggleNet can’t afford my body but it can afford the entire galaxy?’
Book Seven: Harry Potter Goes to Mars
‘We want YOU for the Order of the Phoenix!’
Dumbledore: ‘That’s how Black got in! Through the giant hole in the roof!’
‘…For in dreams we enter a magical world that’s entirely our own – well, except JKR ‘cause she owns this magical world…’
Dumbledore: What was in that potion again, Severus?
Snape; Quiet, Albus, and just enjoy the rest of the Pink Floyd laser light show.
Dumbledore: Bilbo Baggins! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap tricks!
Snape: Oh please, not his blessed identity crisis again…
‘Is this Heaven? What’s Snape doing here?’
Snape: ‘This is what Patrick Stewart would look like with long, black hair…’
Dumbledore: And when we dream, we enter a world entirely our own.
Snape: In Potter’s case, he’d be king of the world, no doubt.
Dumbledore: Yes, Professor, and this movie would be called ‘Titanic’.
Dumbledore and Snape try the ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop’ routine during their interrogation of J.K. Rowling’s publisher.