Week of April 3, 2005
Lockhart: Hmm – reminds me of the time I single-handedly fought off the Girlie Ghost of Vietnam! Nobody knew who to turn to, then, WAM! I killed it with my bare hands!
Harry: Ghost’s can’t be killed because they’re already dead – and your hand would’ve gone straight through th-
Myrtle: *Wailing* That was my cousin!
–Inspired by Harris’s caption last week—
Myrtle: *Giggles* Just wait till you see! It’s so funny!
Ron: Hermione…? Are you alright…?
Hermione: *Sobs* Yes – just go away!
Harry: *Opens door* What?!
Ron: Hermione! Why didn’t you tell us you had a Spock costume to match your impersonations?!
Myrtle was delighted that Ron, Harry, and Professor Lockhart happened to stumble in on Saddiehawkins Day.
Myrtle: ‘Don’t just stand there like you can see right through me!’
Myrtle: I’m blue…
Lockhart: Yes, I can see that. Maybe, with the help of MuggleNet, we can give you a new background color?
Gilderoy: Amazing! Hologram technology in a castle!
Harry: That’s a ghost, professor. Honestly, are you even a wizard at all?!
Ron: We should have seen that one coming…
Harry: Oh yeah.
Myrtle: ‘You would moan too if you still had pimples fifty years after you died!’
Ron: Oh, no, this is Atomic April, isn’t it?!
Harry: *Sighs* Ron, ghosts are real. Myrtle isn’t edited.
Ron: No, not that, I was talking about how we turned into the Blue Man Group.
Myrtle: Hey, guys, look at my new pet! Can I keep him? I taught him to do tricks, watch! *Throws a bit of pipe* Fetch, Gildy!
Lockhart: *Runs, trips, and falls down the entrance to CoS*
Myrtle: Oh, bugger. I lose more pets that way…
Harry and Ron: *Slowly back away*
-May and Leatah S.
Harry: I feel so unmotivated to live after this fight. I mean, if I DO live I get to find out that Sirius Black is my godfather but I won’t be able to prove it, and then I find out my life has to include or end in murder and that Dumbledore’s going to be different in the next movie! What’s there to live for?
Myrtle: Oh, Harry! If you die down there, you’re welcome to share my toilet.
Harry: Right! New motivation found!
Harry: So, you say you know who the Half-Blood Prince is?
Lockhart: It’s me! I bet it’s me! I mean, come on, look at my hair!
Harry: How did you die, Myrtle?
Myrtle: I had a heart attack because of MuggleNet’s April Fool’s prank…
Lockhart: Isn’t that the girl from The Ring?
Ron: No, it’s a girl from The Grudge!
Harry: No, it’s just Myrtle – Maniacal March ended last week!
Lockhart was terrified to conclude that he would have to change his book ‘Gadding with Ghouls’ to ‘Sharing Bathrooms with Spooks’.
She thought she could lead them astray, but her motives were completely transparent!
Harry: ‘I thought you said she was colorfast…’