CC #129: Week of April 10, 2005

CC #129: Week of April 10, 2005

Week of April 10, 2005

Vernon: *Throws the letter aside* Bills! Bills, taxes, more bills!
Harry: Hey, that was mine!
Vernon: …What an excellent idea! From now on, Harry should pay all our bills!
Harry: …
-Kekelina

Vernon: *Reading return address* ‘Publisher’s Clearing House… hmmm…’
-Sephone Vega

Dudley: Is it… true?
Mr. Dursley: Yes… We’re being cut from the 4th movie!
Mrs. Dursley: Hmph! I told you two to lose some weight! Hollywood prefers slim actors…
-Tina

Vernon: *Reading* ‘Mr. Tea Pot, Table in the Kitchen, 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey.’ …
Teapot: Woohoo! I’ve just been accepted to play ‘Prop 21,356′ in Movie 5!
-Anyana

‘What do you mean I have to send more money to ensure next-day delivery of HBP?!’
-Sidra

Petunia: I wonder who it’s from…?
Dudley: I don’t know – all that’s listed are the letters ‘I’, ‘R’, and ‘S’…
Vernon: Oh… great. Lock the doors – we’re not coming out ‘til May.
-Anthony

Teapot: Are you tired? Cause you’ve been running through my mind all day!
Teacup: *Giggles* Oh, stop! You are such a TEAse!
-Anyana

Dear Mr. Dursley,
     After much research and with the help of a fingerprint, we have been able to conclude that you took the cookies from the cookie jar. Your hearing will be on July 31.
  Thanks,
  -CJM (Cookie Jar Ministry)

-Erica R.

Teacup: ‘You know, Kettle… if you continue to face that way, we’re going to have some problems…’
-Rina

Uncle Vernon: ‘Oh, look! They’ve accepted me to kindergarten!’
-Cathryn

Uncle Vernon: What’s this?
Dudley: It’s my French citizenship application. They sent me the hat last week.
-KitKat

Vernon: Hmm, so does this mean that Harry’s finally getting the death sentence?
Dudley: If it does, can I get my old room back? I’d like to have his owl tomorrow, too, Mom… for dinner…
-Jennifer

‘Look, dear! It’s our invitation to Charles’ and Camilla’s wedding!’
-Shalimer

‘We’ve been nominated for the Witches’ and Wizards’ Choice Awards… for ‘’Meanest Muggles”…’
-Angel

Vernon: This is totally flippin’ sweet! We may have just been awarded $1 million!
Petunia: No, Vernon, it says we’ve just been audited $1 million…
HAPPY TAX SEASON!
-Lola

Dumbledore sends Uncle Vernon an honorary invitation to Hogwarts upon discovering that all these years of malice and prejudice against wizards stemmed from the fact that he was deprived of having a unicorn as a little boy.
-Ariel

Vernon: ‘You must be kidding me – SPEW? What kind of an organization is that? Petunia, chuck it – I’m not spending a dime on them.’
-Carden

‘…The Campaign to Find Snape’s Clothes?! What sort of rubbish are these new-fangled politicians up to?!’
-Hawkeye

Vernon: Oh, look! A letter from Warner Brothers Studios!
Dudley: It must be about filming GoF!
Petunia: I bet they gave us a pay raise!
*Vernon opens the letter; a loud voice erupts*
Donald Trump: You’re fired!
-Megan J.

Teacup/Kettle Shippers: They’re baack!
The Rest of Us: Not again!
-Inylan

Teapot: I’m a little teapot, short and stout…
JK Rowling: No, no, no! That’s Dudley’s description, not yours!
Teapot: Oh, sorry…
-Valleria

‘What’s this? Someone wrote this letter in green ink… Normal people don’t use green ink?!’
-Katie

Teapot: I think we’re in the wrong movie – this doesn’t look like ‘Beauty and the Beast’?
Teacup: Yeah. It’s more like ‘No Beauty but Three Beasts’!
-Noodle

‘Son! You’ve been accepted to the National Boy’s Barbershop Chorus!’
-Corrie

Uncle Vernon: ‘It’s another postcard from Marge… seems she’s floating over the Himalayas now, and she’s only been mistaken for a spy plane twice!
-Erica

Vernon: ‘Petunia – you entered the Best Hollowed Cheeks Contest? Why didn’t you tell me?!’
-M.K.S.

Tea Kettle: Oh no, I’m out of focus again!
Tea Cup: Yeah, tell me about it. This is horrible – I get all shined up for nothing.
Orange Juice: Well you can’t even see me. Thanks a lot, kettle… How do we go about getting a new director around here?
-Jess

Vernon: It’s a poll that’s being sent out asking which month you’d like MuggleNet to have the caption pictures Photo-shopped…
Jolly January
Fabulous February
Maniacal March
Atomic April
Maniacal May
Jumpin’ June
Jittering July
Awesome August
Skewed September
Oggling October
Nutty November
Daring December

-Gillian

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,
     We are pleased to inform you that Dudley has been accepeted to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of a necessary books and equipment. Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.
  Yours Sincerely,
  Proffessor M. McGonagall
  Deputy Headmistress
Dudley: Really? Oh-that’s wonderful! Maybe I’ll finaly be able to catch Harry.
Petunia: Oh, look! There’s more!
P.S. Misters Monny, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, would like to congratulate the Dursley’s on being so incrediously thick and guilable that they would believe their boar of a boy would have any amount of magic at all. This message will self-destruct into vibrantly ornate colours and annoying noises in 5-4-*BANG*
-Beth W

*When J.K. Rowling makes a Typo*
Vernon: ‘Oh, look! It’s a letter for the boy from… Harvard…?’
-Kim

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