The Burrow: Dumbledore’s Riddle, Round Two

Editor’s note: These editorials offer punchlines for the joke, “A troll, a hag and a leprechaun all go into a bar…”

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An original editorial by Various Authors

More Obviousness

A troll, a hag and a leprechaun all go into a bar. Everyone else ran out the back door.
-Submitted by Derrick

Below the Belt

A troll, a hag and a leprechaun walk into a bar. The leprechaun tells the bartender that he and his companions had just crossed through the desert and were dying of thirst. The bartender said, “I’m sorry, but our delivery truck is late and all I have left is one last bottle of water.”
The troll said, “I will give you my finest war club for it.”
The leprechan said, “I will give you a real lucky shamrock for it.”
The hag said, “I don’t have anything of value, all I own is this one tooth in my mouth.”
The bartender thought a moment and then said, “I will take the tooth.”
The troll and leprechaun were outraged!
“Why?” they yelled, “why would you choose a tooth over our fine gifts?”
The bartender said, “That’s easy, my girlfriend is from Arkansas. Now she can use the toothbrush I bought her last Christmas.”
-Submitted by Lara

Seen and Unforeseen

A troll, a hag and a leprechaun go into a bar. They order drinks and move off to find a table. From the corner of the room a glint of gold catches their attention and they see a large, dusty old mirror standing against a wall.
The troll looks into the mirror and says, “Grunt – me got big club – me bash brains!”
The hag glides in front of the mirror, looks in and gasps with pleasure, “I’m so beautiful!”
Then the leprechaun toddles across, stares hard into the glass, and laughs out loud with malicious glee.
“I can see Professor Snape standing at the bar,” he giggles squeakily, “and not only has he got a bald patch at the back of his head, but he’s come out with his robes tucked up into his underpants!”
-Submitted by Sholeigh

Last But Not Least

I heard a good one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all walk into a bar during a Quidditch tournament. A big sign on the door advertises free drinks for team mascots, players, and coaches.
The leprechaun gets his free drink, but the bartender starts laughing when the hag and the troll ask for one.
The troll gets angry and grunts “Me, coach! Teach Quigley!” and shows his club.
The bartender thinks it wise not to argue, and gives him a free drink.
The hag tells the bartender: “I’m a Veela!”
The bartender (who is Irish) starts laughing and says: “I see…So is the game over already?”

Bloopers:

a) The hag tells the bartender: “I’m Viktor Krum!” When the bartender laughs, the hag lowers her voice: “Look, I’m trying to fight off admirers…”

b) The hag tells the bartender: “I’m a seeker for the Braga Broomfleet.” The bartender gives her a drink and chuckles: “One thing is for sure, I can picture you on a broom!”

c) The hag tells the bartender: “I’m a Veela!” The bartender bursts out laughing and says: “It’s not pronounced ‘Veela.’ It’s pronounced ‘Villain.’”

-Submitted by Daniela Teo