Week of April 24, 2005
Goblin: *Breaking into song* I’ve been workin’ on the raaaail-rooad, aaaall the live-long daaaay… I’ve been workin’ on the raaaail-rooad, just to pass the time awaaay!
Harry: Is it really that boring down here?
Goblin: It’s worse.
Harry: How could it be worse?
Goblin: We’ve finished the railroad.
Harry: Hagrid, what’s the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite?
Hagrid: Stalagmite’s got an ‘m’ in it.
Harry: That’s it?
Hagrid: There could be more, but I think JKR was feeling particularly uninspired the day she wrote this chapter…
Harry: Nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun-nun BAT-MAN!
Griphook: Bloody muggleborns…
Hagrid: Bats? Where?! Are they monster size?
‘Where’s ‘’Pimp My Ride” when you need them?!’
After Gandalf got rid of the Balrog, the dwarves made a fortune giving tours through the mines of Moria.
Hagrid: ‘An’ now for my ‘’Cousin It” impression…’
Hagrid: Try not ter go so fast next time!
Griphook: I need to go fast! I’ve always wanted to be a racecar driver for NASCAR!
Harry: It looks like Disneyland!
Hagrid: It would be best not ter say anything, Harry. Griphook here’s been rejected from that cause he’s too short…
Harry: Rejected from… what?
Hagrid: Portraying Grumpy, of course!
What happens when Harry Potter meets the Little Engine That Could?
‘I Think I can, I think I can, CONSTANT VIGILANCE!’
Goblin: ‘Please keep all arms, wands, legs, noses, tentacles, tongues and feet inside the car at all times.’
A tribute to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
Goblin: Welcome, brave Mr. Potter. Welcome to Castle Anthrax.
Harry: The Castle Anthrax?
Goblin: Yes – it’s not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we’ll attend to your every need.
Goblin: ‘…and if you look to your right, you can see Frodo Baggins’ hobbit-hole…’
Goblin: ‘Cell 239 was once the home of Martha Stewart. You can easily see that some of her more artistic touches remain.’
Goblin: Vault 713. Stand back! *Opens vault*
Gollum: *Bursts out* Precious! Where’s my precious?!
Goblin: Ah, Mr. Gollum. You’re here for vault 712, over there.
‘…And right here you’ll see the MuggleNet home offices…’
Sydney train commuters felt that the transportation crisis had entered a new low.
Harry Potter and the Journey to the Center of the Earth.
Hagrid: Do I know you?
Griphook: Why yes. I also play Professor Flitwick, R2D2, and an array of creatures ranging from Elves to Ewoks in various other movies.
Goblin- ‘…and these are the vaults where we keep the people who have driven themselves to insanity by trying to lick their own elbows after reading last week’s Caption Contest…’
–Courtesy of Eb’s Caption Last Week–
Harry: Hey, Hagrid, do you know it’s physically impossible to lick your elbow?
Hagrid: I don’ believe that. *Secretly Tries and then Falls Over*
Harry: Gets ‘em everytime.
–Continuation of Eb’s caption last week–
Hagrid: ‘I’m just afraid that after a ride in this bloody thing, I WILL be able to lick my elbow…’
Goblin: *monotonous voice* Welcome to Eric Land. You are about to experience Caption Catastrophe. Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle, especially as we approach ‘Maniacal May’….
Harry: I’m scared, Hagrid… can’t we just yell ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!!!’ instead of going through this…?
Stoplight: ‘It’s red! Red, you idiot! Eh, what’s the use, goblins are colorblind anyway…’
Goblin: …and on your right is the lovely and very special Secret Door!
Harry: What’s so special about it?
Goblin: It only opens once every few months, and always from the other side.
Hagrid: Wot IS on the other side?
Goblin: JKR’s website
The all new Bathtub 2000: travel while you paddle!
Harry Potter in the Mines of Moria
(and you thought Maniacal May didn’t start until next week)
Stalactite and Stalagmite shippers were disappointed when the romance abruptly broke off… Apparently, ‘tite and ‘mite felt things were heading in the wrong direction…
Hagrid: Harry, why are you looking like that? I thought I was the one who get’s carsick
Harry: I’m not carsick, Hagrid, I’m what-are-they-gonna-do-to-me-when-Maniacal-May-comes-next-week sick…
Harry couldn’t help but feel that Dumbledore’s new stair-lift was a little over the top.
‘Welcome to Grand Central Station. Please proceed carefully to the exits on your right. Our next destination is the Renaissance Center.’