Week of May 1, 2005
Aunt Petunia: ‘Vernon, we really must trim that Octupus plant. It’s taking over again.’
A Ministry of Magic Muggle Relations Film…
Arthur Weasley: *Voice Over* Many Muggles will go to any lengths to ignore magic, even when it’s staring them in the face…
Harry: Can I ask you a serious question?
Doc Ock: Yeah, go ahead.
Harry: In a fight between me and Spi-
Doc Ock: He’d snatch your wand away from you with his webs in a heartbeat.
Doctor Octopus: I’ll be back…
Dudley: Wait… isn’t that from The Terminator?
Doctor Octopus: -And I could have been Governor of California too, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!
Dudley: Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
Petunia: That’s not Auntie Em, Dinky Dums, that’s Peter Pettigrew’s Aunt!
Dudley: Peter Pettigrew? Who’s that?
Petunia: Oh… Hmm… I don’t know. Maybe it was Peter Piper?
Dudley: Mum… Mummy! What’s that?!
Petunia: Just close your eyes, Diddykins, and it’ll go away. It’s just another one trying out for the role of ‘Giant Squid’.
‘Hi, we spoke on the phone…I’m from Mary Poppins’ Nanny Agency…’
‘Thank you very much, but we said ‘’Aunt Marge”, not ‘’Aunt May”!’
Petunia: ‘Harry?! Have you been practicing the ‘M’ word again?!’
‘HA! With this new machine, I’ll be able to lick ALL of my elbows!’
Petunia: ‘Vernon! You know better than to go out in public in your Doc Ock PJs! Now come down from there and put down poor Mrs. Figg!’
Harry: Hmm…seems like Aragog’s been getting frisky with the Muggles again
Aunt Petunia: Oh dear
Dudley: ‘Mum! Make it stop! They’re screwing up the TV reception and it’s almost time for The Great Humberto!‘
Salesman: ‘Now, the Supervac 3000 has great special features, including a super-jet booster pack, multiple hoses to allow for a more efficient clean, as well as enough power to lift dear old Aunt May right off her feet. And just for you I’ll throw in a pair of super villain sports goggles, free of charge!’
Dr Octavius begins using his powers for good, deflating Aunt Marge and returning her back to the Dursleys.
-Jake A Ralphing
‘Are you the judges here to see our lawn?’
Bird watching can be a somewhat peculiar affair – with a wizard in the neighborhood…
The Dursleys quickly decided that Mad-Eye Moody wasn’t so disturbing after all.
Uncle Vernon: ‘Get your blasted tentacles off my house! We just finished remodeling it!’
Dudley: Holy cow!
Doc Ock: I think the proper term would be ‘Holy Octopus’.
Voldemort: Where does it say I can’t?
Dudley: *holds up a purple book entitled ‘Da Rules’* Right here!
Voldemort: *Picks up book and reads the passage about evil villains and phony implants* Well, I’m keeping them!!!
Flying Mad Scientist Mystifies Muggles.
Doc Ock: *Maniacal laugh* Soon my aunt farm will be complete. First Aunt May, now Aunt Petunia! Hey, fatso, which way to Kansas – Auntie Em is next!
Uncle Vernon: ‘This is what happens when you get a roofer from the yellow pages…’
Member of the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad: Harry Potter! You put Mrs. Figg down right now, and no more casting spells on yourself! You’re already breaking the Statute of Secrecy!
Harry: Cat lover!
Dudley: Sir, you missed a spot on that window over there.
Petunia: Honestly, you would think with 8 arms he would be better at this!
Harry: *Shouts from flying car* ‘TOLD YOU I HAD FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES!’
Left House:I think Doc Ock is trying to separate us…
Right House: I just want you to know…I love you.
Left House: Psh, forget that!
Harry Potter and the Order of the Octopus.
Dr. Octopus: This is what happens when you refuse to buy my Girl Scout cookies! Don’t let it happen to you!
Dudley: Did you say cookies? GIMMIE!
Doc Ock became extremely offended when Mrs. Figg asked if she could use one of his many ‘can-openers’ to open some cat food.
When the last of Marge’s buttons popped off, it became clear that Harry wasn’t the only one keeping a secret from the general public.
Few knew that when the giant squid accidentally swam through nuclear waste, the future of the entire world was at stake.
‘Did somebody say ”Gazebo Party”?’