Week of May 29, 2005
Harry: I don’t get it – where’s the famous witch or wizard on my Chocolate Frog card?!
Ron: Didn’t you hear? They’re afraid they might give away spoilers about the sixth book.
Harry: ‘What’s this say? Dumbledore has gone to lick his elbow?!’
‘Michael Jackson?! This media coverage is getting ridiculous…’
Ron: Who’d you get?
Harry: ‘President George Bush’…
Ron: Throw it away, throw it away!
Harry: ‘Oh, no! The Caption Contest stole my wizard card!’
Simon Cowell: *Walks into frame* You call that a scar?
Simon Cowell: *On Card* You are the worst wizard on the planet!
Ron: Aw, rotten luck. They’ve only got one good insult in them!
Introducing the new Chocolate Frog Fortune Telling Cards! Ask a question, shake the card and your answer is revealed!
Harry: ‘What does Dumbledore mean by ”Ask me again when you’re older”?!
Harry: Hmm… who’s in this card?
Ron: *Reads* ‘Exclusive images of what’s happening inside Crabbe and Goyle’s head’…
Harry: Imagine that…
Harry: *Gasp* Dumbledore’s Gone!
Guy on Left Pillar: *Sigh* Thank Goodness!
Guy on Right Pillar: I know! He always smells like a lemon drop factory!
Harry: ‘Mini-mirror in my hand, who’s the fairest in the land?!’
Harry: Look! I’ve got the Invisible Man!
Ron: Really? I’ve never seen him.
Harry: I got Pamela Anderson!
Ron: Really? I’ve got about a dozen of her – all under my mattress…
Cornelius Fudge: 1943 to Present
One time Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge is remembered for being the most incompetent official ever to hold this office. Known for not seeing what’s right in front of him, he was chased from the Ministry of Magic by a very irate poltergeist and a pair of red-headed wizards. He now spends his time hiding in Albania and writing his memoirs ‘Why I was Right’ and ‘Harry is a Liar’.
Born: Along time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
Died: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
Darth Vader (Time Uncertain)
Best known for the creation of Luke and Leia Skywalker; Darkest wizard of his time. Apprentice of Dart Sidious.
Little known fact: A large fan of the color magenta.
Wizard Card: Reply hazy; try again.
‘Bugger! Sorry, Ron, I can’t show you my President Bush card, he’s busy giving tax cuts to the rich over in America!’
‘It says here, ”Michael Jackson was the first Muggle to successfully transfigure himself from a human being to a different species without using magic”!’
Front: George Lucas
Back: ‘Sneaking Industrial Light and Magic into Muggle films for 40 years!’
Harry: Ron! Look!
Harry: It was Eric, but he’s gone!
Ron: Oh, yeah, the CC fans voted him off the cards because he did something ‘different’ without asking them.
Harry: Geez, they really are quite pushy sometimes…
Snape: *From behind the picture frame of the card* I’m too sexy for your card, too sexy for your card, the way I’m disco dancing…
Harry: See, Ron, it’s one of those two-way mirrors like my dad and Sirius had.
Ron: Hey, how come I don’t have the other one?!
Harry: I gave it to Justin Finch-Fletchley. He promised to let us know when the Hufflepuff common room is having one of… ‘those’ parties…
Inventor of the Invisibility Cloak
Considered one of the shyest witches of this age, Evanesca is best known for having the most boring Chocolate Frog card known to Wizard kind.
Chocolate Frog Card: ‘…He was a dark wizard; Very dark; just take a look at his picture!’
‘I guess this is what happens when MuggleNet takes so many Caption Contest pictures…eventually, the people just start…disappearing…’
Harry: ‘AAAAAAAARRRGH! A close-up of that furry creature residing on Lupin’s upper lip!
Next Week’s caption is delayed due to Eric being overwhelmed by the amount of captions sent in about the two golden statue-men conversing on how happy they are to have beaten the other golden statue-men who auditioned for the part…
Harry: Wow! I got Daniel Radcliffe! He’s such a good actor…
Perfected the Save-the-world-in-24-hours Charm
Hermione: Look at you two. Obsessing over these stupid pieces of paper! It’s absolutely pathetic!
Ron: I just got the Victor Krum card.
Hermione: *gasp* MINE! *grabs it*
Harry and Ron: One… Two… Three… Peek-a-Boo!
*Picture slides into frame*
Harry: *Laughing* I never get tired of that.
Mini-Mirror of Erised (2 Sickles): One glance into the tiny glass will reveal your heart’s smallest desire. Great gift for Father’s Day!
Ron: What’s wrong Harry?
Man on Card: Can you hear me now? Good!
Harry: I guess Cingular gave him a promotion…
-Wolf of West
*Image of Mufasa Appears*
Mufasa: Sorry, wrong plane of existence. *Disappears*
Harry: I think I’ve eaten too much candy.
Hermione: ‘Well Harry, ”the Golden Arch” was known for it’s complete mystery. Though one may travel around it, no one should ever venture through it, because if they dared…well, they may just end up in this caption picture, now won’t they?!’
A recent shortage in Death Eaters has forced Lord Voldemort to try a new recruiting method: Chocolate Frog promotion cards.
‘Apparently, Dumbledore’s on an ”Away Message”…
Harry: Hey, he’s not there!
Ron: Well of course he’s not – he’s seeing Star Wars for the tenth time like everyone else!
Voldemort: ‘Finally! I now have both the Ministry of Magic AND the Muggle Pentagon in the palm of my hand!’
Hallmark’s latest attempt to attract young customers…
Card: *Flashes and blinks* PUNCH THE MONKEY! WIN A FREE IPOD!
Harry: Ruddy pop-ups…
Mark Felt AKA Deep Throat
Became the person to reveal the Watergate Scandal
Newest Chocolate Frog Card:
‘Weird Al’ Yankovic
The all-new Gringott’s Express credit card was a hit with witches and wizards everywhere.