Week of July 10, 2005
Harry: ‘Hurry, Ron! If we don’t find Mackenzie, Jo will never ask us to baby sit again!’
Harry: See?! This is what happens when you mess around with Shrinking Charms! *Stares pointingly at Ron*
Ron: Well how was I supposed to know we’d end up crawling around inside You-Know-Who’s nose?!
Ron: Harry… what’s this?
Harry: I think it’s J.K.’s new plot…
‘Ron, I’ve got a confession to make…. I’ve read Lord of the Rings, and this isn’t very comforting…’
Who knew Malfoy was a gopher Animagus?!
Ron: Harry, do you think Hagrid’s still mad at us for dropping Care of Magical Creatures…?
Hagrid: *Dropping boulder over cave entrance, muttering* That aught ter teach’em…
Harry: …Ron, what do you think…?
Harry: Draco?! This is what you wanted Mr. Borgin to fix – a Barbie doll?!
Malfoy: Well I couldn’t fix it with magic so I took it to him!
Harry: But what does that have to do with the Dark Arts?!
Ron: Are you kidding, Harry? Look! Her pants are one shade of pink lighter than her shirt. That’s just evil!
Ron: *Panting* After 28 chapters of searching, we’ve finally found the location of the last Horcrux!
Harry: Yes. It’s a stick that Salazar Slytherin once touched… look carefully!
Having reached the bottom of the title page, Harry and Ron picked up Arthur Levine’s Lantern Logo and then peered nervously around the corner. While Ron spotted only the dedication page, Harry saw what he had been dreading most about his sixth year at Hogwarts: The Table of Contents.
Ron: ‘”Follow the dark spooky tunnel”? Why couldn’t it have been ‘’follow the well-lit pink hall”?!’
Harry: Yes, Ron?
Ron: That lantern you’re carrying… it doesn’t seem to be giving out much light…
Harry: Oh, well yeah – that’s because it’s plastic! It’s only here for dramatic effect.
Harry: What is this place… and who are they?
Gepetto: Ooh, look, Pinnochio! We have company! How nice!
Harry: Ron! Stop admiring the dirt clumps on the wall and get over here!
Ron: But Harry, the clumps are exactly the shape of Gwyneth Paltrow, look!
Ron: …Spiders… and dragons… and skrewts…
Harry: Oh, my!
Ron: *Muttering* ‘First it was follow the spiders, now it’s follow the Chosen One!’
Harry: ‘I never would have imagined Voldemort hiding a Horcrux inside Moby Dick!’
Ron: I-I-I don’t like spiders!
Harry: Sure you do! I put some in your breakfast this morning, remember?!
Harry: Why am I holding a giant lantern when I could just say ‘lumos‘?
Ron: Why don’t you ask the director?
A peek inside the ear canal of Professor Severus Snape.
Harry Potter and the Lantern That’s as Big as He Is.
Ron: Harry, what kind of earthworm made this tunnel…?
Harry: The kind that would catch a really big fish!
Ron: I knew we should have taken a left at Albuquerque!
Harry: Wrong WB franchise, Ron…
Ron: You’re despicable!
Ron: *Grabs Harry’s arm* Oh my gosh – what’s that?!
Harry: No – it can’t be – a basilisk?!
Ron: No… it’s the big scaly monster from inside your chest – RUN!
Harry: Ron, come check this out!
Ron: I know that you’ve seen something exciting, Harry, just don’t grab me there in excitement!
‘Ron, you’ve got to believe me! I had been meaning to tell you about my feelings for your sister… but with MuggleNet’s new spoiler policy it just wasn’t allowed!’
Harry: OK, so I’ve got a great theory… Snape is not evil!
Ron: Wait a second, Harry. When Snape does the smallest thing, you’re all ‘He’s evil’! But now, he goes and kills Dumbledore and you think that he’s just fine and dandy?
Ron: ‘Harry, is that a Starbucks…?’
Being the Chosen One has its advantages; being able to hold and over-sized lamp is one of the lesser known.
Harry: Wow, Ron… this darkness is blacker than your Draught of Peace!
‘Here, basilisk, basilisk, basilisk!’
Harry: …It’s just, I had no idea when you called it ‘the Burrow’ that it was actually a –
Ron: -A burrow?! What else do you think it could be? I had no idea the Boy-Who-Lived could be so dumb!
Bravely, Harry and Ron set out into the Forbidden Forest in search of Aragog who, they had been told, was able to answer the age old question, ”Why is there Braille on drive-thru ATM machines?”
‘I told you we should have headed back when we saw the centaur giving us the New York salute!’
Ron: Hey… Harry? Where do you suppose we are?
Harry: …If I had to make a guess, I’d say we were on the set of Spielberg’s new alien blockbuster film…
Ron- …I was thinking ‘in a tunnel’, but that sounds cooler…
*Continuation of last week’s captions*
Tinkerbelle: *In lantern, frantically* ‘LET ME OUT! I have to get a good place in line for Book Six!’
Harry and Ron travel through the escape tunnel they dug in the new movie, ‘The Crookshanks Redemption.’
Harry: Hey, Ron, what’s the difference between Uranus and Neptune?
Ron: …Neptune’s a planet.
Harry: What is it, Ron?
Ron: …I have the sudden urge to tap-dance…
Documenter: ‘…And once again we find Harry and Ron on an epic adventure that will most likely end in a death or a detention…’
Harry: This is Yoda’s new hut? It’s so dirty!
Yoda: When 900 years old YOU age, find a better hut, you will not!
Harry: Wait, Ron. We can’t leave the ‘winding’ plot of book six behind us yet…what was the huge thing revealed about Lily Potter?!
Ron: Um, she was good at potions…?
Rupert: What exactly are we looking for?
Dan: My birthday presents – it was MuggleNet’s idea to hide them in the Forbidden Forest!
Harry: ‘…Okay, Ron, the coast is clear. No spoilers around this corner…’
Harry: What’s all this silly string for?
Ron: All of the Harry/Ginny shippers had a party, from the looks of it…
Ron: Whoa! This ancient cave man drawing looks like Donald Trumps face!
Harry: Maybe he has a Horcrux too!
Scenes from Survivor: Underground.
Ron: ‘But… isn’t there’s an easier way to get to the Caption Contest? …A link, maybe?’