Week of August 21, 2005
Harry: I can explain!
Harry: Please, sir – I was only trying to save-
Dumbledore: -You… really need a haircut.
Dumbledore: Harry, what have I told you? When you go to your aunt’s house, you are supposed to bring back lemon drops!
Moody: Yeah, what has gotten into you, boy?!
Harry: I-I can explain!
And so, the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors continued…
Dumbledore: Harry, I understand that you do not like Mr. Malfoy, but you can’t just go around turning people into ferrets!
Harry: I swear, sir, it wasn’t me!
Moody: *Starts whistling and looks up at the ceiling*
Harry: Who… me?
Harry: Professor, you look shorter in person than in the books. What happened?
Dumbledore: *Thinking* I need to change the subject. Think of a transitional joke, quick like Merlin!
Dumbledore: *Speaking awkwardly* Pull my finger!
Karkaroff and Moody: …
Dumbledore: …And that is why you should never hop on one foot, spin three times, clap to 12, say ‘Oyohiobuybetilitacks,’ bounce like a lost eye, drink from a bottle, lick up your nose, crack your glasses and examine your toes.
Mike Newell: ‘Okay, Radcliffe, Gleeson, and Poesy, act like you’ll be alive three years from now. Gambon, Pattinson, Bjelic, Lloyd-Pack, um, not so much. Wow, this room has a high mortality rate!’
‘Really Professor, I didn’t pick this sweater, it was the director!’
Dan: Why is Professor Moody holding a staff that looks suspiciously like Lucius Malfoy’s staff/wand?
Newell: Do you have any idea how much new props cost?!
Harry: Sir, are you the imprint of a departed soul?
Dumbledore: Are YOU the imprint of a departed soul?
All: Clap, snap, clap, snap, clap, snap, clap, snap
Dumbledore: Harry put his name in the Goblet of Fire…
Harry: Who me?
Dumbledore: Yes you!
Harry: Couldn’t be!
Dumbledore: Then who?
Harry: Karkaroff put my name in the Goblet of Fire…
Karkaroff: Who me?
Harry: Yes you!
Karkaroff: Couldn’t be!
Harry: Then who?
Karkaroff: Moody put your name in the Goblet of Fire…
Crouch, Jr.: *Missing a beat* . . . oh, $#&^%!
DUMBLEDORE WANTS YOU
TO BE THE NEXT
Dumbledore: Harry, did you or did you not break the caption scroller?
Harry: I swear Sir, I didn’t do it.
Moody: Tell the truth boy, I can see right through you…
Harry: Have you heard the one about the house elf and the pygmy puff?
Dumbledore: Now, Harry, keep it PG-13!
-El and Renee
Fleur: I really don’t think ‘e should be allowed to enter! ‘E eez only a leetle boy!
Harry: *Thinking* Little boy, huh? I’ll show her…
Dumbledore: Now, off you go, Harry. It’s way past your beddy-bye time. I laid out your jam-jams for you.
The Million Dollar Question: Is the man on Dumbledore’s left side
B) Snape with a beard, or
c) Aragorn, stuck in the wrong movie?
Fleur: *Thinking* Is zit just moi, or is zit getting veerly hot in ‘ere?
Harry: The first challenge is what?
Dumbledore: Yes, Harry, you must pull my finger.
Albus: Ha! You’re out!
Harry: But professor, Moody’s already grabbed the stick, look…
Fleur: You see? ‘E cannot compete, ze boy cannot even win at ‘ot potato!
Harry: ‘Honestly, I didn’t enter my name in the Goblet of Fire…. J.K. Rowling did!’
A scene from the self-help video ‘How to Accuse an Underage Wizard of Illegally Entering His Name into a Most-Likely Fatal Competition.’ The three most popular ways: the ‘Scary Eye’ (Mad-Eye Moody), the ‘Angry Finger’ (Dumbledore), and the ‘Towering Over You to Make You Feel Small and Insignificant’ (Karkaroff).
Ben (Dumbledore): I’m asking you one LAST time, Are you going to close down Mugglenet?
Andrew (Harry): The answer is, ‘Yes, yes we are closing’.
Eric (Moody): What, we’re closing? I’m not closing!
Andrew (Harry): I am.
Eric (Moody): I will continue on with my Caption Contest and a stick! Watch me!
—What the real CC is like—
Eric and Catherine receive 1000 ‘Eric and Catherine receive 1000 ”Pull My Finger” captions’ captions.
-Jake A. Ralphing
‘Dumbledore: Wand ignites parchment… you lose, Harry….’
The annual Wand, Paper, Stone competition returns to Hogwarts once again.
Dumbledore: Miss Delacour and I are wearing the same outfit. You will speak of this to no one.
Harry: But, the ponytail goes in the back, Professor…
Dumbledore: You must choose a goblet, Harry – only one holds the holy water!
Harry: *Grumbling* ‘Indy-Harry Jonester’… What a load of -
Goblet of Fire receives a PG-13 rating
Mr. Crouch: ‘If I just move a little to the right…little more…little more…Yes! I’m in the caption!’
Dumbledore: And one final thing, Mr. Potter. Mr. Moody asks you to refrain from the Marty Feldman jokes.
Harry: How about Rooster Cogburn?
–Following his own entry from July 31st-August 6th–
Dumbledore: ‘Look, Harry, the Prediction Stick is pointing upwards again! Looks like another 2500 Caption Contest entries this week!’
Dumbledore: This magic finger that I have will point to whoever is in love with a red head girl whose name starts with a ‘G’ and ends with an ‘inny Weasley’!
Harry: Wait! Look over there! *Everyone looks and Harry hides behind Moody, Dumbledore’s magic finger follows*
Dumbledore: *Sees finger pointing at Moody* … … Well…. YOU’RE fired!
Dumbledore: …and the first task will take place- *coughs* Sorry, I have an excess of phlegm.
Cedric: *Glances at Fleur* You’re not the only one…
Harry Potter and the Unnecessary Accusation
Harry: But you’ve got to let me enter the Tri-wizard Tournament!
Dumbledore: You’re under age.
Harry: But it’s called ‘Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire’, so I must be in there somewhere!
Dumbledore: ‘Okay, Harry, we’ve discussed the product placement possibilities with the soda representatives and they want YOU to market the new Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Vanilla Lime Papaya Dr. Pepper with Splenda…’
Dumbledore: Professor Moody says that he saw you slip a steroid supplement into your goblet the moment you were announced to be one of the Hogwarts champions. Please explain yourself, Harry…
Harry: ‘But, Professor, I told you already! The 2000 presidential election votes from Florida were one of Voldemort’s Horcruxes! When I went to count them, all I found was a note from R.A.B.!’
Harry Potter and the Disney Movie Scene Parallels:
Magical metallic ornaments, people looking bewitched by a fire, and a snake staff…