Week of August 28, 2005
Harry: Did you say ‘Hello’?
Dobby: No, I said ‘allo. But that’s close enough!
Dobby: ‘Malfoy is a kind man. *Nose extends* Ohh!’
Dobby: Look at me Harry Potter!
Dobby: *Does funky victory dance* I’m a real boy, I’m a real boy!
Book 7: Harry Potter and the Back-Alley Plastic Surgeon
The REAL reason Dan & Rupert have ridiculously long hair…
Dobby: ‘Harry Potter must not go back to the hairdresser’s!’
Dobby: Dobby will do whatever Harry Potter says! Dobby would follow Harry Potter to the end of the world if he asked!
Harry: Really? Well then could you please go get me that can of pop from the fridge?
Dobby: Pfft, what do I look like, a house elf?!
Harry: What’re you doing here, Dobby?
Dobby: Haven’t you ever heard of a male nurse? Stop livin’ in the past, man!
One dark and stormy night, Harry Potter awoke with a start, only to find what he feared most mere inches from his face: Dumbo and Pinocchio’s offspring.
Warning: Staring into this house-elf’s eyes to long will give you the uncontrollable urge to bang your head against the computer screen, and crush your fingers under the CPU.
Dobby: ‘Excuse me sir, but Dobby wonders if you are an imprint of a departed soul?’
Dobby: Dobby is most ashamed of sending that bludger at you.
The Rock: The Rock would have laid the smack down on that bludger.
Bo Jackson: Bo don’t know nothin’ about bludgers.
Harry: Will you all PLEASE stop talking in the third person?!
Parent or Teacher: ‘Now, kids, this is what you will look like if you drop out of school, do drugs, or are just born a house elf…’
Harry: Why are you so happy? You nearly got me killed!
Dobby: Dobby is not really smiling, sir, It’s just the botox.
Dating Service Record:
This is Dobby, the house-elf. He enjoys long walks on the beach, collecting socks, and saving Harry Potter from mortal danger.
Dobby: ‘Do you like socks? I have eleven, now!’
Dobby: *Thinking he’s in a staring contest* HA! Dobby has won! MuggleNet fan has blinked… again…and again… and again…
‘Mr. Wonka, do you remember me? I used to work for you!’
Ross Perot was never the same after he put all his savings into Enron stock.
Dobby: *Singing* Dobby keeps Hogwarts, clean with the magic; Dobby’s got the magic of… CLOROX!
Harry: You see, Hermione, house-elves are HAPPY. And they get paid extra for product-placement!
—Continuation of Sierra’s caption last week—
Harry: *Wakes up in hospital wing, staring at Dobby* Where am I?
Dobby: Master must give Dumbledore lemon drops next time he goes to his aunt’s house!
—In response to the Eric’s note on W.V.P.T.’s caption last week—
Caption goers: *Google ‘WVPT’ * Huh? What does PBS have to do with Moody?
Some other Caption goers: *Google ‘Marty Feldman’ * Ahh…I get it!
Some more Caption goers: *Google ‘Rooster Cogburn’ * Oh! That makes sense now!
Blonde Caption goers: *Google ‘it’ and get Dobby’s face* Aaaah!
MuggleNet presents: How to get your own computer!
Step 1: Right click on above image
Step 2: Highlight ‘Set as background’
Step 3: Tell your mother she can use the family computer now, keeping MuggleNet open to hide the new background initially.
Step 4: Listen to her scream.
Step 5: ‘If I get you your own computer, will you promise never to make me look at that background again?’
Dobby: ‘Hello, boys and girls, I is Dobby and today on Dobby’s Playhouse we will learn how to get a famous wizard to free you from your evil master!’
—In continuation of Andrea’s caption last week—
Side effects of the ‘New Diet Caffeine Free Cherry Vanilla Lime Papaya Dr. Pepper with Splenda’…
Harry: *Dreaming* Oh, hi Ginny… Oh… err… *kissing Ginny in his dream*
Dobby: …Harry Potter?
Harry: *Waking up, startled* Yes, Gi – ARGGGGGHHHH!!!
Funny Ways Voldemort Won’t Die:
89) Put Dobby on top of him while he’s sleeping, so that when he wakes up he’s frightened to death.
Dobby: *Thinking* How come every time I’m in a Caption Contest I’m standing on a bed?
Dobby: Please, sir, Dobby thought his bludger would be enough to make Harry Potter leave Hogwarts.
Harry: That was your bludger? You better hope the bones in my arm don’t grow back or I might choke you!
Dobby: *Thinking* Perhaps Dobby should not tell Harry Potter about the Blast-Ended Skrewt waiting upstairs for him…
‘Yes Harry Potter, Dobby IS the cross between a bat, a bulldog, Gollum, an elf, Pinocchio, E.T, a skinless cat, and El Chupacabra, thank you very much!’
Harry Potter and the Over-Grown Tamagotchi
Dobby: ‘Is your name Eric? Have you been randomly watching Disney Movies, such as Aladdin? And then making a huge effort to see a connection between it and a freeze frame from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire? Then we have the product for you!’
Girl behind ‘Dobby’ mask: Emerson must not go back to Notre Dame!
Emerson: Oh, no, not AGAIN….
‘Harry Potter! Sanctuaryyy!’
Harry: ‘Nice Godfather, Dobby! …Now do Snape!’
At the Chamber of Secrets Dobby Auditions:
Chris Columbus: ‘That is one nice headshot…He’s in.’
Harry: What you lookin’ at, Willis?!
Dobby: Sir… the name is Dobby!
Do you ever get the feeling that somewhere, somehow, a well-intentioned house-elf is trying to kill you?