Week of October 2, 2005
Harry: Man, this is great! I can’t believe Hermione knew a spell that would let us watch HBO in our crystal ball!!!
Ron: Yeah, but I wish we got more channels; all these chick flicks are driving me nuts!
Harry: *mumbling* I kinda like them…
Harry: I can’t believe that Todd would do that to Jasmine! Poor Jasmine, she needs to tell Todd about her life-threatening disease.
Ron: It’s great that this crystal ball gets cable…
Harry: I think it’s about time to drop this class.
Ron: I agree. We’re just no good at seeing the future.
Harry: I only wish we would have quit before I thought I saw the Indians beating the Red Sox in the A.L. Wildcard in this stupid ball!
Ron: Tell me about it. I lost a fortune in bets…
Harry: Notice any change yet, Ron?
Ron: Yeah, that speck right there? It moved!
Harry: Professor Trelawney said she saw the grim, but all I see is a frantic rat. You think it means anything?
Ron: Pssh, of course not!
Harry: See anything?
Ron: Yeah, it’s telling us to get a haircut…
Ron: What do you see, mate?
Harry: I see you wearing a lacey dress.
Harry: Oh, sorry, that’s just your Yule Ball suit…
Harry: ‘That does it! We’re switching to Dish Network!’
-Dr. B. Shadow
Ron: Wait, my dad just told me about a Muggle device like this. *Picks up the crystal ball* Is Harry’s scar a Horcrux?! *Shakes ball*… …I’m not getting anything. *Puts it down*
Ron: Have you ever wondered what that smoggy stuff in crystal balls is?
Harry: Maybe it’s like those Muggle Magic Eight balls. Let’s give it a shake!
Crystal Ball: The future is cloudy. Try again later.
Harry: *Blinks* How… appropriate…?
Blonde girl in the back *waving*: HI MOM!!!
Trelawney: *Walks in and starts pointing to random students as she speaks* Let’s see. Poor, evil, rich, bad attitude, clumsy, squib, perfectionist, procrastinator, unclean, didn’t shower last night. And, now that I’ve shown off, you all have A’s for today. Class dismissed. *Walks out*
Harry: Honestly, I don’t know why Hermione hates this class – it’s the easiest A!
Ron: ‘Dude, this Cheech and Chong movie is awesome!’
Trelawney: Free your minds from all conscious thoughts!
Ron: …Well that’s not a problem…
—In continuation of Kerry’s caption last week—
Harry: (Thinking) Wow… This baby would really look good in my marble collection…
Crystal Ball: ‘Why is it that when people look in me, they always see death?!’
Ron: Harry, what do you see?
Harry: I see… Lavender Brown… and she is calling you… ‘Won Won.’
Ron: Hah! Told you, ours is broken.
Harry: Hey Ron, what do you call a sheep with no legs?
Ron: A crystal bahh-
Harry: A cloud, you idiot.
Ron: That’s dumb. I’ve heard that one before.
Harry: Oh yeah?
Harry: Well then, knock knock.
Ron:! Who’s there?
Harry: Interrupting starfish.
Ron: Interrupting starfi-
Harry *shoves his hand into Ron’s face*
Sometimes the future is just as boring as the present.
Harry: What are you watching Ron??
Ron: The Blur witch project.
Ron: *Making ‘Psycho’ violin sounds and stabbing motions*
Harry: Ron, you know threatening it won’t do any good…
Harry: ‘You know, Ron… if I purse my lips this way… I think I can actually pull off a Mary-Kate Olsen impression!’
While Harry probes the mysterious orb for insight into the Horcruxes, Ron secretly desires nothing more than a revelation of Saturday’s winning PowerBall numbers…
Trelawney: What is the difference between a crystal ball and a magic mirror?
Harry: Well, er…crystal balls are round…
Snape: VERY good, Potter…over 6 years at a magical school you’ve finally learned that crystal balls are indeed, ROUND.
The class started to really think Professor Trelawney was really starting to go around the bend when she had them examining old crystal balls for next week’s Antique Roadshow.
Harry: What’s this?
Ron: I don’t know…
Millions of miles away…
Saruman: Where is my Palantir now?!
Harry: ‘Oh, mighty and all-powerful snow globe! We bow before you and are your humble servants!’
Harry: Whaddaya see, Ron?
Ron: …’Made in China’?