Week of December 11, 2005
Draco: So what kind of fur is your hat made of? Mink? Beaver? Bear?
Malfoy launches Voldemort’s newest recruiting program aimed at attracted younger able bodies to become Death Eaters.
Krum: ‘So… ve take a sip, tattoo a skull and a serpent on our vrist, and swear an oath to evil, murder, and the hatred of Harry Potter? This is the veirdest drinking game I’ve ever played!
Malfoy: So how did Karkaroff become Headmaster?
Durmstrang Student: The same vay as all the others – by killing off the previous headmaster.
Malfoy: Really? How did he do it?
Goyle: *Whispers to Malfoy* He’s already going with that Mudblood, Granger…
Krum: Please let the pretty Gryffindor look at me!
Malfoy: Please let the buff Bulgarian look at me!
Goyle: Please let the blonde bombshell look at me!
And, ten years later, the boy from Home Alone and the two robbers settle their past differences over some ice and cold beer in stolen goblets.
Viktor: *Thinking* I haff a vater beetle in my vater…
Draco and Krum: ‘To angst! Cheers!’
Malfoy: Welcome, Krum, to Queer Eye for the Quidditch guy!
Krum: I could’ve sworn I entered the Triwizard Tournament!
Malfoy: Nice hat.
Goyle: IT REMINDS ME OF THE HUNT!
Slytherins: We wish you a merry Krummas. We wish you a merry Krummas. We wish you a merry Krummas and a happy Fleur time!
Goyle: Is Victor enjoying his pumpkin juice?
Draco: Pumpkin juice?! What he doesn’t know is that I’ve mixed in some Listerine! If Kakaroff’s teeth are any indication of this poor boy’s future, he better drink up!
Viktor: What is… is this alcohol!? You can’t possibly be old enough to drink!
Draco: Shh, don’t tell the fangirls, but I’m over eighteen years old!
Viktor: And you’re in…fourth year?
Draco: Yeah. In terms of the movie, I’m fourteen, in terms of the books, I’m seventeen, and in terms of actuality, I’m almost twenty!
Malfoy: Let’s see how many captioners think I poisoned his drink…
Idono: Oooh, this picture is just ASKING for a slash joke.
Eric: But you’re going to submit something witty and original instead, right?
Idono: Heck no! I’m gonna point out that for dinner, they’re all having saus-
Malfoy: Say Krum, if someone has been entering the Caption Contest every week for four months like WickedWitch and their captions have never been chosen, are they considered like a new face or an old face?
Krum: How am I supposed to know that?
Malfoy: I supposed that since you are a very cool Quidditch player and all, you’d know the Management.
Krum: No way. I’m not THAT cool.
Malfoy: *Singing* You wanna go where everybody knows your name….!
Malfoy: *Eagerly* So, what do you think?
Krum/Ben Schoen: This Polyjuice Potion works wonders – I will finally be able to take Emma to the ball! *Evil cackle*
Jane Goodall: ‘And here we observe the Dracovus Malfonious, notorious for attempting to improve his status with females of his species by mimicking internationally renowned celebrities. Let’s watch…’
Crabbe: *Thinking* I wonder who many people will submit am ‘I’m-sorry-I-took-your-russian-hat-in-December-2004’ caption…
Goyle: How come you’re out of focus, Krum?
Krum: Karkaroff cast ze Blurrius Maximus spell on me to stop ze girls from staring at me.
Krum: What iz zis beetle in my goblet?
Beetle: Do you mind if I use a Quick Quotes Quill?!
Harry Potter and the Last Crusade
Krum: Hmm… thees must be de von… *Drinks cup*
*BOOM! SHAKA-LAKA-WAKA SCREEEECH KABLAAZZLE!*
Grail Knight: He chose… poorly.