Week of February 12, 2006
Harry: Happy Valentine’s Day, professor.
Moody: Make one Valentine’s Day joke and it’ll be me blasting off your buttocks, not your wand!
Moody: Look! I’m Nanny McPhee! See?! I even have the staff that she bangs! *Bangs staff on ground, nothing happens*
Moody: …Damn this thing!
Harry: What do you see, Professor?
Moody: Let’s see… a couple of sixth-years snogging… Filch and Mrs. Norris prowling… heheh, McGonagall changing her robes… wait! What’s Snape doing in there? What – MINNIE! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! NOOO!!!
Harry: Another drama. *sigh*
Moody: Hah – I told Hagrid that taking Dick Cheney hunting in the Forbidden Forest was a bad idea, did I not?!
Harry: Whoa! Did you see that?
Moody: Yep. MuggleNet just got doused in Pepto-Bismol. Happy Valentine’s Day, Harry….
Harry: How am I supposed to battle a dragon like THAT?
Moody: That’s just your muggleborn friend, Miss Granger, Potter… The Weasley boy forgot about Valentine’s Day.
Harry: Professor Moody? Why do you have that strap to hold your eye in?
Moody: Well, boy, they were going to airbrush it out – but they had already spent all of their budget on removing your acne.
Harry: *Mumbles* It’s not that bad…
Harry: Professor, do you understand the new scoring system?
Moody: No, Potter. But it’s all the French’s fault!
*Both continue to watch the Muggle Olympics Figure Skating competition*
Moody: Harry, you can do this. I know you can make it to the centre of the maze.
Harry: But look, Professor, my shirt is red! Didn`t you ever watch Start Trek? The red shirts always get killed first!
Moody: *Under his breath, looking at Cedric* I`m gonna say the yellow shirt dies first THIS time…
Harry: I know that we’re supposed to take the hedge maze seriously, Professor, but don’t you think that the neon skull and crossbones is a bit much?
Moody: You know, Harry, I’ve been going after Dark Fan Fictions for most of my life now. If a Dark Fan Fiction Writer were to see us right now, do you know what they’d ship? *Glances at Harry*
Harry: Uh…. *Inches away from Moody*
Moody: The mist and the bush – THAT’s what they’d ship. CONSTANT VILIGANCE!!!
Moody: …And then they made me their chief… Which was nice…
—Spin-off of Jennigen’s caption last week—-
The red dot’s mysterious half-brother, The White Menace, had finally been released from Azkaban. His first move was to seek revenge on that Auror from so many years ago…
Moody: Harry, this is your most dangerous task to date – you have to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney.
Voice: ‘Welcome one and all to the annual Nicknames Convention! The broad-shouldered man on my right is Moody, Mad-Eye, Junior, Barty, Crouchy, Serpant-tongue, Scarface and Master of Disguise. Right next to him is Potter, Four Eyes, Shorty, The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One, Potty, Potty-Wee-Potter, RuleBreaker, Teacher’s Pet, Angsty Troubled Teen, and Roonil Wazlib. What a great gathering we have here today, folks!’
Harry: Professor? Is that….?
Moody: Yep. Yoda signing up for Eric’s March Madness again.
Harry: Great… More Dobby jokes…
Harry: Y’know, those ads for Mugglenet T-shirts make me really want to buy one.
Moody: No you don’t, laddy, you’re just under the Imperius Curse…
You know you’re an obsessive caption contest competitor when…
1. You stare at this week’s picture for hours, trying to come up with a caption that’s sure to win.
2. When you win, you copy the screen with your winning caption onto paint, print it out, and put it in a frame.
3. You say that your entry just got ‘a little delayed’ when you don’t win, and submit up to ten entries for the next week’s picture.
4. You email the people at Mugglenet asking why you haven’t won. You do this for every week you don’t win.
5. You’ve made a caption about that white spot next to Moody’s head.
Take it from someone who knows.
Harry: Valentine’s Day was this past week, wasn’t it, Professor?
Moody: Yes. Why?
Harry: Should we be worried that a goat just walked out of Aberforth Dumbledore’s bar?
Moody: That, Harry, is known as the ‘Scrolling Marquee of Good Newsness.’ You need to be extra cautious around it – it’s operated by the darkest of wizards and witches…
Mad Eye Moody: You see that Harry? It’s the most evil thing alive. The bane of our meaningless existences. It has already begun to take over, Harry. Watch it grow. Watch it feed. Worse, watch it multiply!
Harry: *Rolling eyes* Sir, it’s only a Starbucks…