Week of April 23, 2006
Gambon: Pensieve, pensieve, on the floor, who is the greatest Dumbledore?
Pensieve: It all depends, really, on which side of Dumbledore’s personality you like best – the kind grandfather, or the wily sorceror–
Gambon: Shut up! I can’t ask you a single, simple question without you going all ‘Sorting Hat Monologue’ on me!
Snape: Headmaster, what can the scroll box mean?
Dumbledore: Almost 19 years ago, Catherine and I were in the Three Broom Sticks together…
Eric: Dumbledore’s my dad?!?! This is the best birthday ever!
Albus anxiously checking out the latest posts in the ‘Is Dumbledore Dead or Alive? v.7’ thread.
Big D: ‘Now where did I put that memory on why I trust Severus so much?’
‘Right. Now that I have this TV working, how the bloody hell do I get it tuned to TSN?!’
Dumbledore: ‘I see Paris, I see France, I see… Eastenders?’
Snape: Er… Headmaster?
DD: Hang on a minute… *Taps* …. ‘Acceptable’?! Only an Acceptable?…*Mutters*… stupid
Dumbledore: Ahh, just checking the Highest Scores… What?! Someone’s knocked me off the top
spot!! Who the heck is P.S.S?!
‘Professor Dumbledore, NO! Didn’t you see Raiders of the Lost Ark?? You aren’t supposed to open the Ark
of the Covenant!’
Dumbledore: *Expositorially* The Carthaginians defending the city were attacked by three Roman legions. The
Carthaginians were proud and brave but they couldn’t hold. They were massacred. Arab women
stripped them of their tunics and their swords and lances. The soldiers lay naked in the sun.
Two thousand years ago. I was here….
Dumbledore: ”Pranksters again. Some wrote here, ‘A horse walked into a bar and the bartender’s
like, ”why the long face?”.’ Does that make ANY sense to anyone here?”
*Everyone shakes their head No*
Dumbledore was amazed and considered it a sign from above during a game of Scrabble when his
only remaining letter spelled out: T.H.E.L.A.S.T.H.O.R.C.R.U.X.E.S.A.R.E.H.A.L.F.M.O.O.N.S.P.E.C.T.I.C.L.E.S.
Dumbledore: ‘Oh, darn it, they cancelled my favorite memory on the Pensieve Channel!’ *Sigh*
Dumbledore: ‘OOOH! A glow in the dark chamber pot!’
Everyone knew that Dumbledore’s hippie act was a little too much, but when he kept trying to sell lava lamps to Snape, they decided he had crossed the line.
Frozen in time before us is the very moment when Severus Snape’s loyalty to Albus Dumbledore began to waver… when Dumbledore began to talk to his Pensieve, referring to it as ‘Penny the Pensive Pal.’
Snape: Not really.
Dumbledore: *Shifts* Then how about this?
Snape: Definitely not!
Dumbledore: *Tilts* This any better?
Snape: Hmmm, there’s room for improvement.
Dumbledore always practises his ‘pensive’ look before Harry Potter enters his office.
Prof. McGonagall: Professor Dumbledore, what do you see?
Prof. Dumbledore: I see… that I really should have listened to that life insurance salesman,
and upped my coverage.
Prof. McGonagall: …
You know you’ve consumed too much firewhiskey when your toilet starts glowing…
Dumbledore: Please Minerva, I must uncover and reveal the function of this object of peculiar Dark Magic… *Sings* Lite-Brite, Brite-lite, beautiful pictures come to life! *Giggles*
Dumbledore: Severus, this television Arthur Weasley gave me is absolutly mesmerizing. You must
watch it with me.
Snape: *Muttering* …And another reason to kill off the Weasleys…
When Dumbledore reminisces….
‘I wasn’t like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut. I was always
more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree…’
Snape: There is something wrong with the picture……
Dumbledore: Yes, my Pensieve thinks my beard is a memory and it is sucking it down.
What no one ever realized, before it was too late, was that Dumbledore’s greatest fear was in fact his bathtub.
Snape: Professor Dumbledore, do you have a minute?
McGonagall: Shhh! He’s practising his ‘Emerson Deathstare’!
-Jake A. Ralphing
Dumbledore: *Staring into Pensieve/TV*
Man on TV: And the first ball up… is 5, the next… is 3, next … is 4, and the last … is 7. Making tonight’s ‘Win-4 Number’ 5-3-4-7. Thank you for joining us and have a wonderful evening!
Dumbledore: Galloping Gargoyles! Only off by two….
Snape: Sir, if you keep watching that over and over again in your Pensieve, you will ALWAYS be off by two… the SAME two!
Dumbledore: ‘Wow, Philips FlatTV with Ambilight…I really WON’T be able to go back to ordinary TV again!’
—-Inspired by Araxie E. Rosz’s caption from November 6th-16th 2005—-
Dumbledore: It’s a Pensieve, Harry. It allows me to reexamine my thoughts, to once again view past exeriences. Right now, I’m taking a stroll down memory lane… back to an era when ‘Nekkid Time’ was still allowed in the library…
Dumbledore: *Humming to himself while lighting candles on Eric’s birthday cake* I love the smell of burning candles…
Snape: *Thinking* What an idiot! He can’t even tell that his beard is on fire… I’ll have to kill him…
Albus Dumbledore proves he really is the ‘Pinball Wizard.’
Prof. Dumbledore: So much pain. So much sorrow.It’s horrible.
Prof. McGonagall: Albus, there’s nothing you can do to change it. It’s inevitable…
Prof. Dumbledore: I know, but the suffering…
Prof. Snape: Oh, this is ridiculous! Can you just send off your turbo tax form so we can go to dinner?
Snape: *To the others* Tell me he isn’t watching that thing again…
Commentator: *Inside dish* This week on Pensive’s Reflections, a twitchy Death Eater is found in the court room. Watch all the mayhem and heart break…
Dumbledore: You know what I just can’t get my head around, however much I use this pensieve?
Dumbledore: Why ever I’m wearing the box of turkish delight from ‘Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’ on my head!
Dumbledore: *Looking at a bowl of Cheerios* There’s a hidden message somewhere in here… But, all I can find is ‘Ooo’…
‘Maybe the pensieve can remind me why I’m wearing bells on my beard in this movie. Am I a cat? A cow? Is this the new gay icon?’
Dumbledore *Looks into his past, thinking* Maybe now I’ll figure out why everyone was laughing at me that day… HEY! Who put a ‘jinx me’ sign on my back?!