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CC #189: Week of November 12, 2006

CC #189: Week of November 12, 2006

Week of November 12, 2006

Dumbledore: *To Self* ‘No witch or wizard will respect an L-shaped scar…. Minerva, bring me my pocketknife…’
-Bradley

Dumbledore: *Tilts head, squints eyes* He looks like a Grimm if you do this…*Tilts head other way* But like this he looks more like a sheep!
McGonagall: ….
-SmR

Dumbledore: A baby? …A Baby?! I thought ‘Trick-or-treat’ was a request for sweets, not children!
McGonagall: *Frowning* Either way, I think you should give him back, Albus… that one looks like trouble.
-Cat

McGonagall: Funny, Albus, how you decided to get rid of every light on the street, but conveniantly forgot the one on the Dursley’s front porch…
Dumbledore: Hush, Minerva, dear. I’m trying to figure out whether or not this large bump on Harry’s head will be hide-able under a strange hat when he’s older.
-Orlzez

Rise in house prices means older first time buyers.
-Daniel C.

‘And now, I must touch his head to the lamp…’
-Stephanie

Dumbledore: Anyone who uses the phrase ‘as easy as taking candy from a baby’ has never tried it.
McGonagall: Maybe you should have thought of that before you gave him your last lemon drop, Albus…
-Kally

McGonagall: Don’t you think it unwise to leave a defenseless baby on a damp doorstep? Not to mention forcing him to live with people who’ll hate him for his very existance?
Dumbledore: No – besides, who would take him? That scar really ruins his face… which looks a bit like James’s but -
Baby Harry: -I’ve got my mom’s eyes. I KNOW!
-Sa-rah

Dumbledore: Since when did his scar say ‘Voldy Rocks!’?
McGonagall: What? Let me see!
-Kaitlin

Both: The Wonder-Boy-who-survived-the-Dark-Lord goes round and round…
Dumbledore: Should we really be using the only survivor of the Death Curse as a toy?
McGonagall: …No… I guess not…
-TGH

McGonagall: ‘No, Albus! Don’t let him go into the light!’
-Alisa

Upon hearing of the success of the Harry Potter series, the Coneheads wanted a piece of the action. They were thoroughly disappointed, however, when they looked upon young Harry’s head and discovered that Zorro had beaten them to it.
-WitchDiva

Finally, after searching several blocks, Dumbledore finally found a house with a light on out front, and could prove – once and for all – that the baby had his eyes, not McGonagall’s.
-Girl from Mars

Baby Harry: Malfoy… evil.
Dumbledore: …
McGonagall: …We can get him counseling for that.
-Crazy

McGonagall: Oh my, Albus! That scar looks terrible!
Dumbledore: Oh I know. I couldn’t possibly tell you how to get under Gringotts with that!
-Firdous

Dumbledore: ‘Oh, and I almost forgot Dudley’s present. A real life Harry Potter action-figure baby doll. Oh, he’ll be so excited! Now, come on, Mrs. Claus, we have to go find my reindeer.’
-Lemonade

‘Wait a minute… red hair? Freckles? …I DON’T BELIEVE IT!’
-Marisa

McGonagall: ‘Albus… may I have a bite of the taco?’
-Marielbug

Dumbledore: Hey, watch this! Light as a feather, stiff as a board…
McGonagall: Albus, please!
-Kathita

Dumbledore: *Singing*
Hush little Harry, don’t say a word.
You’re parents were just killed by the Dark Lord.
And even though there’s a scar on you head,
Just be thankful that you’re not dead.
You’ll live with Muggles of the worst sort-
Another thing you can blame on Voldemort.
Now we’ve got to quiet Hagrid’s tears,
So we’ll see you in eleven years…

-Mallory

Minerva: Oh, Albus. He is just adorable!
Albus: And to believe I got him on eBay… for only $4.50!
-Kaida

McGonagall: Did the Potters adopt, Harry, Albus?
Dumbledore: No…?
McGonagall: Well, since when has Harry been of Asian descent?
Dumbledore: What? *Looks* Oh dear…
-Lianne

Minerva: Albus, how’d the boy get that scar?
Albus: Ah, that, Minerva, I cannot tell you. I can, however, assure you that he is most certainly not a Horcrux, whatever the editorials may suggest…
-Zara

Dumbledore: Funny, I could have sworn there used to be a door here…
McGonagall: Oh, who cares? We’re missing the party! Just tie a brick to him and throw him through the window – if he gets hurt, we’ll just blame the scars on Voldemort!
Dumbledore: …
-Shannon

Albus: Tell me again, please, why we – two prominent divorce lawyers – are taking a baby dressed in robes?
Minerva: Albus, I have told you a thousand times: Britney Spears’ pre-nup states, ‘In the case of divorce, two lawyers dressed as wizards will take baby Jayden Spears as the House Elves seize K.Fed’s new cars and bling.’
Albus: *Grumbles* Pop stars…
-Tina

Dumbledore: *Hides Harry under beard, and brings him out again* Peek-a-boo!
McGonagall: Dumbledore’s gone mad…
-Harry

It was when Dumbledore suggested that they leave a baby, unattended, on a doorstep all night long, that McGonagall realized Albus had become senile.
-Brian S.

‘Oh, Albus… not a plaid blanket… what will people say… they will think he is a Squib!’
-Susannah P.

McGonagall: …They’re the worst sort of Muggles imaginable!
Dumbledore: *Sniff sniff* And I believe our dear boy has just made their surprise tomorrow morning a bit more of an unpleasant one…
-Gerald

McGonagall: Are you sure about this, Albus?
Dumbledore: Of course, Minerva. When Alohomora fails, there’s no better battering-ram than a stunned baby.
McGonagall: It still seems rather cruel…
Dumbledore: Ah, he won’t feel a thing. Got a head thicker than Hagrid’s homemade toffee!
McGonagall: Whatever are you talking about, Albus? Harry’s been down for Hogwarts since birth!
Dumbledore: Harry? Harry who? The baby? Oh! This is Neville Longbottom!
-Ifalna

McGonagall: Really, Albus. I know that the storks are your friends, so couldn’t one of them have handled this delivery?
Dumbledore: My dear Minerva, Harry here is precious cargo. Besides, they’re paying me in lemon drops… and you know how I love Muggle candy…
-Melinda

Dumbledore: *Acting like a very, very old and single aunt* Ooh… ickle Harry poo is a weautiful little thing. Who’s the Chosen One? You are the Chosen One!
McGonagall: Albus…
Dumbledore: You gave Oldy Voldy the good ol’ one-two, didn’t ya? Who is my little hero…?
McGonagall: Albus!
Dumbledore: Oh! Ejem, erm… okay, let’s not let ourselves get emotional.
-Flor

Albus: Here’s one I made earlier!
Minerva: What about that scar on his forehead…?
Albus: Blast it, woman! I can’t get it perfect every time!
-Paul

Dumbledore: Now, we just have to put a small cut on the baby’s forehead and then he can pass as Harry!
McGonagall: …Wouldn’t it be easier to just give them the real Harry?
Dumbledore: You must be joking! Then who will make Dumbledore Waffles the way I like them?!
-Sarah

‘Okay, Minerva, you know how this works. I’ll set it on fire whilst you knock, then it’s both under the Invisibility Cloak to watch as the foolish inhabitant rushes out, stamps out the flames, and realizes the blanket is full of dog poo! Ready?’
-Paul C.

Dumbledore: ‘This country ham weighs a ton…’
-Peter, Helene, and Veronica

Minerva: Now, now, Albus… I know it’s hard for you to part, but it really is time to give that old plaid leisure suit of yours to Goodwill.
Dumbledore: *Looking sadly upon his bundled-up suit* Can’t I just wear it one more time?!
Minerva: No.
Dumbledore: Aww…
-Schmergo

McGonagall: *Reading note pinned to blanket* ‘Fra-gi-le. Hmm. I didn’t know the boy was Italian, Albus…’
-Allison

Dumbledore: Wait a minute! This isn’t Harry, it’s a watermelon with a face painted on it!
Hagrid: Bah, the hooded fellow in th’ pub said nobody’d notice th’ diff’rence!!!
-Hose

Dumbledore: And now, I shall condemn you to a life of endless and unjustified suffering. Good luck, Harry.
McGonagall: OR, you could simply -
Dumbledore: -Shh! Everyone must think that we had no choice!
-Michael

Dumbledore: ‘Oh dear. This is the child that is supposed to save the Wizarding World? Well, uh… perhaps he’s just sort of an… ugly duckling… *as he folds the blanket back over baby’s face*’
-Barrett

McGonagall: Can you do anything about that scar, Albus?
Dumbledore: Even if I could, I wouldn’t – then Jo Rowling would have to come up with a new last word for Book Seven!
-Katherine

Dumbledore: Hmm… this baby looks remarkably like a potato…
McGonagall: Maybe that’s because it IS a potato!
-Stacey

McGonagall: He has his father’s hair.
Dumbledore: …And his mother’s eyes.
McGonagall: …And his father’s rear end.
Dumbledore: How would you know that?
McGonagall: …
-Hermy Wazlib

Dumbledore: Good luck… Harry Potter.
*Dramatic John Williams playing in background*
McGonagall: Er… shouldn’t we ring the doorbell?
Dumbledore: Quiet! We’re building up the melodrama!
-Oofa

‘Minerva, I will take you to Jerry Springer for this! You can’t expect me to believe it’s MINE? At my age?!’
-Shanna

Dumbledore: What’s that, Harry? There’s a sale down at Wal-Mart? I’m there!
McGonagall: We can’t bring a baby to Wal-Mart. It’s not sanitary…
Dumbledore: But I really want to go!
McGonagall: Fine, we can leave him here – but we have to come and get him when we’re done.
Dumbledore: YAY!
*They both disapparate*
-Ashley

Dumbledore: It’s so sad… Lily and James… Funny that Harry looks nothing like them…
McGonagall: What do you mean? Harry has green eyes and…
Dumbledore: No… he has red eyes, a slit for a nose and OH MY GOD IT’S BABY VOLDEMORT!
-Samara

‘Albus, do you know the diaper-changing spell?’
-Jacob

Dumbledore: I hope no-one criticizes that I’m leaving this infant on a porch in the middle of the night…
Minerva: Don’t worry, Albus, this night will be the best he will have for many years…
Dumbledore: Very true…
-Ryan

Dumbledore: Look, Minerva, he’s got my nose!
McGonagall: *Under her breath* the poor boy…
-Beagle

Dumbledore: Wait, we’ve got the wrong baby.
McGonagall: How can you tell?
Dumbledore: It’s got blonde hair and it’s smirking at me. Remind you of anyone?
McGonagall: LUCIUS!
-Basket Case

I Spy, Hogwarts Deluxe!
Can you find…
A picnic blanket?
A crystal ball that predicts the explosion of the sun?
A single bush, that looks like a tree, but isn’t?
And last but not least…
A pair of new parents who are older than life itself?

-Dahlgren

Dumbledore: ‘I know, I know, dear Harry… Fluorescent lighting isn’t very flattering on either of us. Don’t cry…’
-Hebemax

Aunt Petunia: *Unseen looking out window* ‘No, no, dear, it’s just Jehovah’s Witnesses again. Don’t get the door.’
-Beagle

Dumbledore: *Offscreen, inside house* ‘We couldn’t just get the Girl Scouts or Jehovah’s Witnesses calling at our doorstep, no; instead, we get eleven pounds of foreshadowing and symbolism.’
-Meg

‘Darn. I asked for Rye, not Sourdough…’
-Emily

Dumbledore: Aw, who’s a cute little legend? You are, yes you are! Coochy coochy coo…
McGonagall: Er – Albus, the other cats are beginning to stare…
-Shmoo

Minerva: Albus, why don’t we just drop him off at the orphanage or something? Anywhere but here would be best.
Albus: I’m afraid we can’t, Minerva. You do remember the last time we did that with an orphaned soon-to-be wizard…?
-Marissa the Different

Minerva: Gee, I do hope he won’t be out here all night long…
Dumbledore: Now now, this is a nice and caring family!
*Eleven Years Later*
Dumbledore: *Looking into his Pensieve* Did I really say that? Better not show Harry this in six years…
-Rebekah

McGonagall: Do you get the sense we’re a bit… out of place, here, Albus?
Dumbledore: Ah, Professor, I’m out of place everywhere…
-Sam

Dumbledore: ‘…Why does this name tag say ”Luke”?’
-Dee

Minerva: Albus, don’t you think we should give them a REAL baby?
Albus: I doubt they’ll know the difference, Minerva; this baby cries, eats, poops, and BLINKS!
-Lorrie Anne

McGonagall: Professor? Is it just me, or does Harry look a bit… plasticky?
Dumbledore: ….HAAAAAAGGGRRRRIIIIIDDDDD?!?!?!
-G.H.

Dumbledore: Er, Minerva… I don’t think Hagrid picked up the right baby.
McGonagall: How do you know that’s not Harry Potter, Albus?
Dumbledore: Because this is my Amazing Allison Doll…
-Aanchal S.

McGonagall: ‘Put that back in the freezer, Albus! Thanksgiving’s not for two weeks!’
-Matt

McGonagall: Albus, why must you leave Harry with such awful people?
Dumbledore: My dear Professor McGonagall, haven’t you ever seen ‘Star Wars’? ‘Superman’? ‘Spy Kids’? ‘The Princess Diaries’? ‘Disney’s Hercules’?
-Sam

Dumbledore: *In baby voice* Is ums a big ums? Oh, yes he is. Is a big boy!
Baby Harry: *Giggles*
McGonagall: Oh, let me try! *Baby voice* Oh, he’s such a cutie! Oh yes he is. Yes he is.
Baby Harry: *Yawns*
Dumbledore: I win.
McGonagall: That’s not fair. You were tickling him with your beard.
Dumbledore: But he likes his Dumbly-wumbly, oh yes he does!
Baby Harry: *Giggles*
McGonagall: Really!
*They suddenly smell something foul…*
Dumbledore: Here, you take him.
McGonagall: No, I wouldn’t dream of it!
Dumbledore: Really, I insist!
McGonagall: Let’s just leave him on this doorstep.
Dumbledore: Excellent.
*The two drop Harry on the doorstep and run away quickly*
-Kayleigh

McGonagall: Albus, why are we here again?
Dumbledore: I just had this sudden urge to tell everyone ‘Boom shak alak alaka to the twentieth power’…
-Jeremy

McGonagall: ‘I wonder when the continuity eagles will notice that this light is still on…’
-Kayso

Baby Harry: ZzZz…. *snore*
Snape: Sleeping, Potter?! 45 points from – um…
Dumbledore: *cough*Slytherin*cough*
Snape: Slytherin! Oh – hey, wait… *stalks off*
-HPD

Dumbledore: ‘Hmm… I think there’s a spot of dirt on his cheek. I better clean him up or else Petunia might not let him in. She still might not let him in anyway, but we might as well give him the best chance possible…’
-L.E.K.

Dumbledore: Oh, Minnie, our child is beautiful!
McGonagall: I just can’t wait until he gets your beard…
-MC

Dumbledore: My goodness, Minerva, his face was completely wiped off!
McGonagall: Albus, that’s his back side…
-Stephen

Dumbledore: ‘What a coincidence! The scar, black hair, …exactly like that boy in those childrens’ books…’
-Chrissy

Dumbledore: I’ll sure feel bad for the family that got this one, he’s a fatty!
McGonagall: Darn straight!
-Luke J.

McGonagall: Is that a baby?
Dumbledore: Either that, or I packed a lunch…
-TV’s Kyle

McGonagall: ‘So… where are the Wise Men?’
-Me, Yo

I always knew Albinerva would work out!
-Freddie

Dumbledore: ‘Alas! He peed on me!’
-Brooke

Dumbledore: ‘I think I saw on Muggle TV that all babies are born with blue eys. I’m sure they’ll turn green, Professor… absolutely positive.’
-Hannah

Dumbledore: I think we have a little problem.
McGonagall: *Gasps* That’s not Harry Potter, it’s -
Dumbledore: -Suri Cruise…
-Nicole M.

‘Alas, he has earwax…’
-Carolyn

‘We shall call him Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Jr., and he shall be our Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Jr.!’
-Carosaman

Dumbledore: I wonder why Miss Granger asked us to sign off on this large package for her…
McGonagall: It’s labelled ‘Corona.’
Dumbledore: I assume it must be the new model of a Nimbus broomstick, then…
-Jake A. Ralphing

Harry: Waaaaaaaaah!
Dumbledore: What did you say, Harry?
Harry: WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
McGonagall: I think he means that the light is too bright.
Dumbledore: Oh. *Takes out Put-Outer*
-Kneazle

Travis: *Sighs* For a few Glorious Months I was a caption winner…
Eric: …Don’t even think of trying to win with a caption that doesn’t relate to the present subject.
Travis: …But that happens all the time.
Eric: Well – yes, um… Have you heard about those Weasley Twins? Somehow got warped to November?! *glares*
-Travis

Minerva: ‘Whatever you say, Albus… I still think he resembles the plumber…’
-Poppea

Dumbledore: ‘I am sorry to do this to you, Harry, but now that we have finished the Eric Scull World Tour, I am going to have to leave you here until you are old enough to come to Hogwarts…’
-Jill

‘Professor Dumbledore… are you sure this is the right choice, and that you’re not condemning him to ten years of living in a cupboard under some stairs or something?’
-Julie

Dumbledore: This boy will have EXCEPTIONAL powers.
McGonagall: Sounds like he has exceptional powers in his pants… Bleh.
-BLoNDe4LYFE

Dumbledore: ‘Would you know, I rather feel like we’re leaving Tarzan with the apes…’
-Ariana

And thus, the ‘Daniel Radcliffe is small’ joke continues…
-Ruth

McGonagall: Are you sure he’ll be alright, Albus? I mean, with these Muggles… is it really best for him?
Dumbledore: He’ll be fine… until his cousin is old enough to tease him about being delivered on their doorstep in a pink plaid blanket…
-Superwoman

Albus: *To Baby Harry* Hello, baby…
Minerva: *Blushing* Not now, Albus!
-Isla

Harry: *Thinking to himself* Lady, quit tickling my feet and turn into a Kitty-Cat again. That was totally awesome. To the cow that jumped over the moon, eat your shorts! You got NOTHING on this lady, she RULZ!
-Leslie33

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