Week of January 14, 2007
Mrs. Weasley: Congratulations on the engagement, dear! Ginny’s just told us!
Ginny: Uh, Mum? Not to sound possessive or anything, but could you please take your hands off my husband?
Mrs. Weasley: Sorry, Luv…
-Peter, Helene & Veronica
Mrs. Weasley: Well hello there, strange boy. You need any help?
Ginny: You know, he looks almost exactly like Harry Potter.
Ron: Yeah, you’re right.
Mrs. Weasley: Well, how old would Harry Potter be by now? Eleven or so?
Ginny: Something like that.
Mrs. Weasley: Well, well, you look almost exactly like Harry Potter and you’re almost exactly his age. Incredible!
Ron: Yeah, and this boy’s even got a scar like Harry Potter’s.
Mrs. Weasley: Really? What a coincidence… Well, on your way, strange boy.
Molly: ‘Now you just wait there one cotton pickin’ miunte! You think that you can just waltz on over here with your fancy trunk, your snow white owl, and all your perfectly wrapped packages all tied up with string and barge in front of my boy!? Yeah SURE, he’s not all pretty and shiny like you, and yeah so maybe he didn’t save all wizarding kind from some ‘Dark Lord,’ and yes… I do realize he even has a smudge of dirt on his nose… but HE STILL WAS IN LINE FIRST!!!
Harry: *Thinks to himself* What a nutter…
Mrs. Weasley: Now, Harry, did you know that poking is the leading cause of teenage pregnancy?
Molly: Oh, Harry! This is my daughter Ginny, who you will eventually get together with and then break up with (in a very Spider-Man sense), causing a tidal wave of Harry/Hermione shippers to scream in anguish and send threatening letters to JK Rowling.
Harry: Wizarding school marks a new me! No more problems in my life!!!!
Hedwig: O RLY?
Harry: Excuse me, do you know how I can get to the owls’ bathroom? My owl needs to go.
Mrs. Weasley: Ohh, well that’s easy. Do you see the wall between the ladies and the boys room?
Mrs. Weasley: Well, just run until you hit it so that you can realize that there is no such thing as an owl bathroom! *Walks away*
Mrs. Weasley: Harry, my dear, are you okay?
Harry: It’s just… just… I WANT RED HAIR LIKE YOU GUYS!
Harry: Um, well, since you seem to be the type of people who can help me, how can I get onto Platform 9 3/4?
Lady: Oh! It’s Ronald’s first year at Hogwarts, too! I was just telling him that you have to run at the brick barrier just over there. It only hurts for a moment, and there are paramedics on the other side…
Harry: …Nevermind, I’m not going. *Turns around and runs away* Uncle Vernon, wait for me!
‘Excuse me, boy. Do you know where the Extreme Knitting Convention is?’
Harry: If I run towards that wall, won’t I hit it and bounce back?
Mrs. Weasley: Oh no, dear, that’s not until the second movie. Now, off you go!
Molly: Which book should I read, How to be a Death Eater by Irma Detheeter, or How to Make a Snowman by Willie Melt?
Harry: I-I think the sn-snowman one…
Ron: Good choice, Harry.
Mrs. Weasley: Now, Harry, don’t miss your flight! It’s Gate 23, Oceanic Flight 815.
Professor Trelawney: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Molly: Are you alright, Harry dear? You look a bit peckish.
Harry: Well… there IS an owl in front of me, Mrs. Weasley…
Mrs. Weasley: Don’t look now, Harry – but I think Tim Curry is behind you…
Harry: C-could you t-tell me h-how to…
Mrs. Weasley: How to what, dear?
Harry: How t-to g-get onto the p-platform…
Mrs. Weasley: Which platform?
Harry: Ermm, p-platform Nine and Three-Quarters.
Mrs. Weasley: ‘Platform Nine and Three-Quarters?’ Think you’re being funny, do you?
Mrs. Weasley: *Storms off* Stupid Muggles!
Mrs. Weasley: Harry, dear, I would like you to meet your future love interest, Ginny.
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, don’t worry, Harry dear. I’m sure the other First Years will not tease you for owning 6 pair of Spiderman Underoos…
Mrs. Weasley: All you do is run straight towards the wall between platforms nine and ten.
Harry: Well… I mean, shouldn’t it just be called Platform Nine-and-a-half if you run directly down the middle?
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, no, dear… that would make far too much sense!
-Jake A. Ralphing
Mrs. Weasley: ‘Now, just head straight for the wall between Platforms 9 and 10. And do try to ignore the rabid PETA protestors running after you.’
Ron: HAHA, Harry, my trunk’s ahead of yours!
Harry: Oh, yeah? Well mine has my house colours BEFORE I’ve been sorted! Take that!
Mrs. Weasley: Okay, Percy, you next.
Harry: Uh, I’m not Percy.
Mrs. Weasley: Oh, sorry. George.
Harry: Honestly, woman, you call yourself my mother?!
Mrs. Weasley: Now, young man, my daughter wants that cute white owl of yours. And… my little girl gets what she wants.
Harry: But I…
Mrs. Weasley: I see – tough negotiator, eh? Ginny, hold my purse!
Ginny: Mom, I –
Mrs. Weasley: Hold… my… purse…!
Ginny: Your glasses make you look funny.
Harry: I’m Harry Potter.
Another Necessary Holy Grail Reference:
Harry: Oh, hello.
Ron: You’re in great peril!
Ginny: No he isn’t.
Ron: Silence, foul temptress!
Harry: You know, she’s got a point.
Ron: Quick! Come on and I’ll cover your escape!
Harry: Look, I’m fine!
Ron: Come on!
Harry: Now look, I can tackle her single-handed!
Ginny: Yes! Let him tackle me single-handed!
Ron: No, Harry, come on!
Harry: No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle her easily!
Ginny: Oh, yes, he can handle me easily!
[In the train]Ron: We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.
Harry: I don’t think I was.
Ron: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.
Harry: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Ron: No, it’s too perilous.
Harry: Look, I’m a hero, I’m supposed to get as much peril as I can.
Ron: No, we’ve got to find the Philosopher’s Stone. Come on!
Harry: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Ron: No, it’s unhealthy.
Harry: I bet you’re gay.
Ron: No, that’s my sister!
Mrs. Weasley: I like your luggage! Is it Gucci?
Ginny: Is it Versace?
Ron: Is it Louis Vuitton?
Harry: It’s… well, Dursley.
Harry: You mean, I’m actually supposed to go through that wall?
Mrs. Weasley: Don’t worry, As long as you hit that wall at exactly 88 miles per hour… everything will be fine!
Mrs. Weasley: Best do it at a bit of a run if you’re scared…
–Inspired by Airplane!—
Mrs. Weasley: Are you nervous?
Harry: *Nods head nervously*
Mrs. Weasley: First time?
Harry: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times…
Harry: HEY! This owl is STONE dead!
Mrs. Weasley: Heavens no, dear, it’s just pining for the fjords!
Harry: PINING? He’s passed on! This owl is no more! He has ceased to BE. ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! In FACT, If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! Has kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible! THIS. IS. AN EX-OWL!!!!
‘HP RW? What could it mean?’:
1. Help Prevent Raging Women
2. Hairy People’s Razors’ Wayside
3. Hit People: Ready? Whamp!
4. Hilbillies Polka Rarely on Weekends
5. Headline: Paris Reverses Wedgie
6. Hogs and Pigs, Rugs and Wigs
7. Hippie People Rant Wildly
8. Hopefully Potter’s Ready… *Wince*
Mrs. Weasley: Hello, young man. You look like you’re going to be very important to us in the future, so I’m going to help you out.
The Staring Ovation.
Harry: Wow, Mrs. Weasley! Your beret is the bomb!
Mrs. Weasley: Thanks, Harry! It’s reversible.