Week of February 18, 2007
McGonagall: You must be the saps who will rub my feet?
McGonagall: I said, ‘I trust you don’t need a map to find your seat?’
Ron: *Relieved* Oh…
Harry and Ron: *Sit down*
McGonagall: *Thinking* Darn, they never want to rub my feet…
McGonagall: Weasley, you wouldn’t be planning to cheat on your final exam, would you?
Ron: Uh… no, of course not, Professor.
McGonagall: What about all those books you’re carrying under your arm?
Ron: Them? Oh, they’re just, uh… some fun reading for after I finish the exam.
McGonagall: ‘All the Answers to Professor McGonagall’s Final Exam’ by Fred Weasley?
Ron: Yeah, that way I’ll know AFTER the exam whether my answers were right.
McGonagall: *Takes the book from him* I’ll tell you THAT answer, at least, was wrong.
Harry: Hey lady, you don’t scare me. do you know who I am? I’m the Boy Who Lived. Do you really think I’m going to be intimidated by some woman who turns into a kitty cat? Puhlease I don’t think so!
McGonagall: What do you have to say for yourselves?!
Ron: How you doin’?
McGonagall: Why are you both late?
Ron: *Growl grumble snort*
Harry: Um… we fell off the staircase!
Harry: What? Doesn’t ABC own the rights to play this movie? To tell them, falling off things is the new thing! Ron even has red hair! Now all he needs is an apron and the ability to cook.
Ron: Yeah, and doesn’t Harry’s aunt count as a psychopathic mother?
Harry: OH! And Hermione’s parents are dentists too! Look at us! We’re practically a bunch of Hodges falling all over the place!
McGonagall: ……Just take a seat.
McGonagall: And may I ask why you two are late?!
Ron: *Mumbling* Got lost…
McGonagall: Well, perhaps Fred and George should lend you the Marauder’s map a couple books early, eh?
Ron: *Silently* Do you reckon if we give her some catnip she’ll go away?
Harry: These walls look a bit bare, don’t they?
McGonagall: Well, we had a plasterer yesterday but it doesn’t look like he’s finished yet – How long does it take for a Muggle to plaster an entire castle, anyway?
‘Do you smell what the Ron is cookin’?!’
McGonagall: Weasley, you’ve failed the Gryffindor boys’ dormitory inspection. We’ve found this under your pillow! *Brandished picture of Auntie Muriel*
Ron: Please don’t tell my sister!
Harry: No sweat, Ron! It’s not like she’s going to bring it up in five years!
‘Come on, boys, you know the new rules. Class tax must be payed at the beginning of every lesson!’
Ron was never the same after finding that 1959 issue of Wicked Witchie magazine featuring Professor McGonagall as ‘Miss October.’
McGonagall: Well, boys… what do you have to say for yourselves?
Ron: Bonjour, Professor.
McGonagall: We are not in a French lesson, Weasley… Potter, what do you have to say?
Harry: Je m’appelle Harry.
McGonagall: *Stares at Harry and Ron as they sit down and work*
McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, you look absolutely terrible!
Harry: Don’t worry, Professor, that Troll-Face Curse should wear off soon…
McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, I may be old, but I assure you that I am quite capable of discerning looks of disgust from rude, ignorant little first years.
Ron: Shutup, man… *Whispers* What does ‘ignorant’ mean?
Harry: I don’t think Ron wants to choose ‘leprechaun’ as his future career, Professor…
McGonagall: He’s got the red hair and the British accent, doesn’t he? Not to mention the diminuative figure…
Ron: *Snarling* Look who’s talking, Miss Shamrock-green cloak!
Harry: You won’t really transfigure us, will you, Professor?
McGonagall: Let’s put it this way – see that butterfly collection on my desk with all of the dead butterflies pinned to the card?
Ron: Er… yeah?
McGonagall: Ever wondered what happened to the other 3/4 of the class, like those other two Gryffindor girls?
Ron: Er…….. yeah?
McGonagall: *Evil Smile*
Harry: We made it! Can you imagine the look on McGonagall’s face if we were late?
Ron: I know! Thank God it’s only that stupid cat…
Harry: Sorry we’re late, Professor, but we got lost and -
McGonagall: I’ll have a double quarter-pounder with cheese, super-sized fries, a large coke, 10-piece chicken nuggets, and a large chocolate milkshake.
Harry and Ron: …
McGonagall: RUN! You may practice your lesson on the way to the nearest McDonald’s. *Mumbles* That’ll teach them not to be late to class… and I am not sharing!
McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, what is your explanation THIS time for not having your assignment?
Ron: No, seriously! My homework ate my dog!
Prof. McGonagall: Now, before you sit down, boys, what do you think of *shuffles to the side a bit* THIS one?
Harry: *In a falsely cheery voice* Well, Professor, that one is the best of all. I think your career as the first over-sixty professional model is going to be great!
Ron: *Thinking* THIS is our punishment for being late? What kind of school is this?!
Professor: What’s wrong with you, Mr. Weasley?
Ron: …I ate a Nearly Headless Hoho…
McGonagall: Well, boys, you may go to your — Weasley! What’s that pamphlet you’re holding? *Reads* ‘Counseling for Disgruntled, Oft-Forgotten Sidekicks’?
Ron: *Thinking* Tell the whole world, why don’t you?
Ron: ‘Man, Harry, it’s true… she really doesn’t blink!’
McGonagall: Mr. Weasley, what’s in your mouth?
Harry: Erm… nothing…
McGonagall: No eating during class! Spit it out!
Ron: *Opens his mouth and Lucky Charms fall to the floor*
McGonagall: Eating in my classroom! And Muggle food at that!
Ron: BUT THEY’RE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!
McGonagall: Perhaps a map?
Ron: Who do you think I am, Dora the Explorer?!
McGonagall: Perhaps I should transfigure Mr. Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.
Ron: *Thinking* A Time-Turner would come to more use… then you could get rid of those wrinkles…
Minerva: *Changes back into human*
Ron: That wasn’t in the brochure…
Professor McGonagall: Ron…
”What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas…”
Ron: I got a question – why is it that whenever someone transfigures out of their Animagus form they are wearing clothes, yet whenever someone transforms out of their Animagus form they lose their clothes?
McGonagall: A ‘Bloody brilliant’ would have been just fine…
Now we all know that Professor McGonagall was just spouting empty threats when she threatened to turn Ron into a pocket watch – after all, a clock would never make such an ugly face!
Ron: ‘Bill was Head Boy, Charlie has a wicked job, Percy is ‘Perfect,’ Fred and George are hilarious, and then there’s me. All I can manage to do is be given stern glances and look like a mushroom with a serious case of sunburn!
McGonagall: ‘And this is your seat, Mr. Weasley, right next to Miss Granger. Oh, aren’t you two just the cutest?’
-EvilTimMcGonagall: Ronnie Weasley, what did the five fingers say to the face?
McGonagall: Is that the unreleased Harry Potter Book Seven, Mr. Weasley?
Ron: Yes, Professor…
McGonagall: And were you planning on reading the book in advance?
Ron: Well, just skimming, really…
McGonagall: And then were you planning on placing bets online, creating spoilers for all the fans?!
Ron: *Softly* Just a small bet…
McGonagall: Ronald Weasley, I would just like to tell you that what you have written on the back of your head is entirely inappropriate for a classroom setting!
Ron: I have something written on the back of my head?
Harry: *Reading* I-L-O-V-E-A-R-W-E-N-4-E-V-A…
Ron: Dar, I KNEW I shouldn’t have let that ‘Strider’ guy cut my hair!
McGonagall: Oh! Weasley and Potter! I see that for once you are prepared and you brought your homework and books to class!
Ron: Erm, actually, no… a three-headed dog ate ours.
McGonagall: Then… whose are these?
Harry: Hermione made us carry them. She’s on her way in with a wheel barrel full of more…
Ron: My mom and dad had you when they went to Hogwarts! I can’t believe you’re still liv–eh, working…?
McGonagall: What were you going to say, Mr. Weasley?
Harry: He means that you’re old, he just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
McGonagall: And you do?
Girl in Background: ‘I love seeing the hero told off!’
McGonagall: Let’s make a deal, shall we? If you guess rightly who’s the girl that’s sitting over there, I won’t give you extra homework.
Ron: Alright, uh… Susan Bones?
McGonagall: NO, Mr. Weasley. Miss Bones isn’t in this class because she’s a Hufflepuff.
Ron: Now that’s prejudice – what do you have against poor Susan being a Hufflepuff, huh?!
McGonagall: Okay, so your Gollum impression is better than mine but I do a great Puss in Boots, very realistic.
Ron: Turning yourself into a cat doesn’t count, that’s cheating!
McGonagall: Oh, bother.
Ron: What did you just call me?
Harry: *Whispers* I believe she just called you ‘late.’ *ba dump bump chh*
McGonagall: *Stares at Harry* Are you trying to become a walking female repellent?
McGonagall: Now, boys, if you would like to set aside your books, Mr. Malfoy will help you transfigure yourselves into pocketwatches so that you can no longer have an excuse for your tardiness!
McGonagall: Perhaps I should transfigure one of you into a timepiece so you might be on time?
Harry: We got lost…
McGonagall: THen perhaps a worse punishment?
Ron: She didn’t need to punch me in the eye… I got the point well before that.
-KTKitty & Lil’Vampie