Week of February 26, 2007
Filch: ‘Get lost, you lot! You’re tracking mud all over my floors!’
Dumbledore: Ah, I see that Mr. Desmond Hume has turned the failsafe key…
Ana Lucia: And brought me back to life; I’m not complaining…
Everyone Else: WE ARE.
Jack: ‘Dumbledore is dead? Ok guys, we are going back to the jungle.’
Jack: Are we in a flashback, or still in the jungle?
Charlie: I dunno. I think they forgot to play that weird, misty music.
Locke: Nope. This is the new hatch.
Michael: No! This is where they took Walt! WALT! *Runs off to find Walt*
Dumbledore: Wrong. You are all in Sawyer’s dream. When Hurley told Sawyer he looked like a steam-rolled Harry Potter, Sawyer really took it to heart.
*Stray thoughts of the Losties*
Sawyer: Great… now I won’t be able to hide stuff from these people. They can do magic…
Hurley: That darn curse!
Michael: With all these kids, how am I gonna find Walt?!
Locke: I knew that hatch led to somewhere…
Sayid: I could have taken Shannon here…
Jack: That woman just stopped a kid’s nosebleed with her wand… I have so much to learn!
Kate: Jack or Sawyer, oh, no! I hope there aren’t any police officers here…
Sun: I hope this doesn’t count as our honeymoon.
Jin: *Something in Korean no one understands*
Charlie: Do I hear Driveshaft playing somewhere?
Claire: Where’s Aaron? Did they take my baby?!
Right Column: Why are Shannon and Libby looking completely in the wrong direction?
Left Column: They must be LOST.
Charlie: You mean, if we didn’t keep pushing the button, we’d have been here sooner?
Jack: John, I’m going to kill you!
Locke: Oops! My bad.
-Strider of Eire
Plane-load of missing Americans.
Please return to desert island.
Can this ragged group of adventurers turn this staid English loft into a pad anyone would want to crash in? Stay tuned for this week’s Trading Spaces!
Now that the cast of Lost had made it to Hogwarts, they finally had an excuse not to take showers.
From the same line as Portable Swamp comes the new Portable Island! Now with castaways!
Kate: Why is everything so quiet in here?
Charlie: Everyone found out about Snape killing DUmbledore and they’re all really depressed.
Michael: Snape killed Dumbledore? That duplicitous traitor!
The Hogwarts class of ’97 reunion was going well until the Devil’s Snare got into the punch.
Locke: I have looked into the eye of this castle… and what I saw… was beautiful. Oh, and, P.S., the smoke monster isn’t a monster. It’s just the aftermath of Finnegan romping about. And the Others are just Slytherins. and Boone and Shannon and Ana Lucia and Libby aren’t REALLY gone, they’re just beyond the veil. Can’t you hear them?
Jack: Well that explains alot.
Sawyer; Thanks so much, Mr. Clean.
Director: *Starts crying*
Director: It’s just… I worked on Harry Potter a couple of years ago… And it’s so nice to finally have actors that can all look at the same tennis ball! *Cries hysterically*
Jack We’re here on behalf of ABC, to enforce our monopoly on falling off things, which you have recently infringed upon. Dumbledore, you’ll have to die in a classroom somewhere, none of this falling off the Astronomy tower nonsense. And Potter, when you see the Dementors at the quidditch match, can’t you just faint and stay on the broom?
Locke: We’ve also copyrighted long ominous pauses and dramatic chase sequences.
Harry: Well, there goes half of Book Seven!
Jack: ‘Nothing surprises me anymore…’
Charlie: ‘Guys… where are we?’
Jack: ‘Whoa, Mr. Eko, you did really good on that church of yours!’
Plants: Tag! You’re it!
Girl: I can’t believe it! The plants still caught up to us, even when we jumped stories!
Jack: We’re Lost. So to speak.
Fred: Here, take the Marauder’s Map, it’ll help you find your way.
Locke: Thanks, but we’re only interested in maps that are done in fluorescent paint on blast doors, with latin proverbs and equations.
Jack: ‘So we finally got off an unplottable island and now we’re stuck in some unplottable school? Geeze!’
–Equus, Opening Night–
Matthew Fox: Oh no! I left the tickets on the island!
Terry O’Quinn: You putz!
-Peter, Helene and Veronica
When someone explained to Hurley that he STILL couldn’t use his discman, because that sort of stuff just doesn’t work at Hogwarts, he finally went berserk.
Tired of falling ratings and confused viewers, ABC replaces ‘Lost’ executive producer J.J. Abrams with J.K. Rowling.
Sawyer: Great, what have the Others done this time?
Jack: This isn’t the others, this is Hogwarts Castle, which means we are in Hogwarts. See, I am obviously Harry, Kate is obviously Hermione, and you my friend are Ron, MY sidekick. Now we know who’s boss.
Sawyer: But doesn’t that mean that I end up with Kate, as Hermione is obviously supposed to be with Ron?
Jack: I didn’t think about that.
Hermione: Yes! I successfully made people apparate within Hogwarts!
Josh Holloway: Oh no. Fangirls.
Matthew Fox: RUN!!!
McGonagall: I should dock points from Gryffindor…. still… *Chases Terry O’Quinn*
Who would have guessed that the spells preventing apparation within Hogwarts did so by swapping the casters with the entire cast of Lost – needless to say, the Lost people had the better end of the deal.
Hurley: Finally, off the island. Now I can stop worrying about seeing those same numbers over and over…
Harry: And then, Dumbledore told me Voldemort split his soul into 7 pieces, because 7 is the most powerfully magical number.
Lavender Brown: So let me go over the 12 uses of dragons’ blood again…
Dean Thomas: It’s going to be weird leaving Hogwarts after 7 years here.
Euan Abercrombie: I’m going to be late! If only I had Dumbledore’s 12-handed wristwatch!
Mandy Brocklehurst: History of Magic is my least favorite of the 7 required subjects.
Ron: Aw, man! I left my book on Switching Spells back at 12 Grimmauld Place!
Harry: ‘Are you kidding me? THEY are the Deathly Hallows?’
Dominic’s Agent: Look, I’m sure everybody has forgotten that you were in Lord of the Rings by now… don’t worry.
Dominic: Okay, if you say so…
Ron Weasley: Look! A Hobbit!
Hurley: Dude, this is a big, bright room.
Kate: I sewed the drapes in my apartment, but they didn’t have a nice chandeliere like this one….
Claire: My baby!
Charlie: *hyperventilates with overprotectiveness*
Overprotectiveness: *Suffocates Charlie*
John: *Punches Charlie in the face*
Boone: *Materializes* What are you doing here, John?
Eko: Hallo, Boone.
John: I think… the Room will give us a sign. When the time is right.
Boone: That’s completely wrong, John.
John: SHUT UP, LOSER, you were a sacrifice that the ROOM demanded!
Theresa: *Falls up the stairs*
Michael: Where’s Walt?!
Sun: *Cheats on Jin*
Jack: WTF Batman, this Room is a CRAZY HOUSE! Now, if I could just find someone to fix….
Theresa: *Falls down the stairs*
Sawyer: What’s up, Doc?
Claire: MY BAAAAAABAAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ana Lucia and Libby: *RIP*