Week of March 20, 2007
If Ian Fleming had written Harry Potter instead of JKR:
From Krum, With Love
You Only Prophesize Twice
On Her Majesty’s Quidditch Team
Scars are Forever
Live and Let Cedric Die
The Man with the Golden Hair and Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming Smile Award Five Years in a Row
The Sister who Loved Me
For Your Eyes Only, Won-Won
Never Call Me a Coward Again
A Veil to a Kill
Scare the Living Daylights Out of Dudley
License to Fly a Ford Anglia
Tomorrow Never Dies, But Dumbledore Did
7 Horcruxes are Not Enough
Die Another Day – The Life Cycle of a Phoenix
It was only after the unfortunate incident about to occur here that Harry learned to look in the same direction he was pointing the gun.<
‘I know what you’re thinking… ”Did he cast six spells, or only five?”’
Voldemort: I thought you would be using Avada Kedavra.
Harry: This appeals to more age brackets.
Voldemort: Ah yes, of course…
Harry: *In a funky accent* ‘Saahmone hass dyed my eyaahs bluue! I ahhm taahkin out my fuuustation with VIOLENCE!!’
Harry: ‘Say ”Hallow” to my little friend.’
Ginny: I think you’re taking this ‘James Bond’ obsession just a little too far. I will NOT be just another ‘Bond girl!’
Harry: Well, I won’t be just another ‘Ginny Boy!’
Ginny: Okay, now that’s just nasty!
Harry: The name’s Bond, James Bond.
Off-Screen Person: Don’t you mean ‘Potter’?
Harry: Oh, right. It’s Potter, James Potter.
Off-Screen Person: No, you’re Harry, not your father.
Harry: That would make a great twist! See, I’m not copying Star Wars because my enemy isn’t my father… I’M MY FATHER!
Harry: ‘Butterbeer. Shaken, not stirred.’
Harry: ‘Hey, Voldy! Make my day!’
Harry: ‘I ditched the twig.’
‘Have you taken your Felix Felicis today? Well, have you? Punk?’
‘Okay, Malfoy, I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while now. Please don’t wiggle.’
Harry: ‘Don’t worry, Ron, those spiders will never make you tap-dance again!’
Gladrags announces their new Spring collection.
Harry: So, you expect me to die, Voldemort?
Voldemort: No, Harry, I expect you to BUY!
Harry: ‘Hey, Pettigrew, you dirty rat!’
Harry: This is the strangest curse ever.
Hermione: Don’t worry about it. I can use Hufflepuff’s Cup to prepare an antidote in seconds.
Harry: Thanks. I’ll have it shaken, not stirred.
Voldemort: That’s it, I’m not waiting until the end of the book. For that joke, you die now.
Cedric: ‘I always thought ”M” was a randomly assigned initial. I didn’t know it stood for McGonagall…’
If Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was directed by Quentin Tarantino…
Harry: ‘Is 007 the most magically powerful number?’
Man with Gun: The name’s Potter, James Potter.
Harry: *Gasp* I thought you were dead!
James: The truth is, I woke up in a fishing boat with no memory of my identity and began to be hunted by my enemies. Then, I was kidnapped by the Chinese and bought by the US as a sacrifice to terrorisdts. I was rescued by a bunch of guys who wanted me to rob casinos. Then, I was kidnapped again, by pirates who wanted my help rescuing their captain from Davy Jones. But then I got dumped in New York, bitten by a spider, and developed strange powers. Some dark substance made me face my dark side, while my best friend tried to kill me and the dude who killed my family started smashing things around.
Harry: Wow, sounds like you’ve been through every blockbuster this summer…
‘I’m sorry, Professor Snape, I don’t think I heard you correctly. Did you say ”zero,” or ”Well done, full marks”?’
Harry: ‘Hasta la vista, baby…’