Week of June 3, 2007
Mrs. Weasley: Don’t worry; we’ll add Percy in later with the magic of red-screen technology!
With their fresh-faced good looks and close harmony singing, the Weasley Kids rose to the top of the British Charts with ‘A Cauldron of Hot Strong Love (Hogsmeade Remix)’ – which they dedicated to their mother Molly – and followed it up with a string of Top 10 Hits over the course of 5 Years. Fred (L or R) later took on the role of producer and went on to discover several top acts, including ‘Lavender and hte Mysterious Portents,’ and ‘The Butterbeer Corks.’ The latter helped establish younger sister Ginny (center) as a bona fide pop star. George (R or L) and younger brother Ron continued on as a duo for another 5 years until Ron’s wife Hermione Granger, the Minister of Magic, told him to (quote) ‘Get a real job, Ronald!’ But as Ron discovered, it wasn’t so easy to ignore the music coursing through his very soul. We’ll be back with more ‘Behind the Music: Wizarding Music Television’ after this quick message from Alivan’s.
Ginny went to have a picture taken of herself alone to give to Harry, but her brothers being overprotective felt that they should chaperone her in the picture – in case she should feel the urge to do anything too ‘adult.’
Older Brothers: Protecting your daughter’s honor since 1981.
Molly: This photo is going to your Gran, Ronald! Wipe that smirk off your face and smile! Fred, George, that goes for you, too!
Ginny: What about me, Mum? Am I alright?
Molly: You’re lovely, dear.
Ron: *Muttering* She always plays the ‘only-daughter’ card.
Although the musical group, Ginny and the Weasleys, enjoyed moderate fame in the 90’s, a combination of butterbeer, fizzing whizbees and pygmy pufs brought the band down a path no one could have seen coming.
Fred: Hey, you guys… Maybe if we stare long enough at the people, we’ll see their souls.
All: *Stare with wide eyes*
Ginny: Yeah, I don’t think it’s working.
Molly: *Recalling* ‘The only way I got them to stay together was to put sticking charms to each other and the picture frame.’
Ron: Finally, a decent Mother’s Day photo for Mum.
Ginny: But what about Bill?
Ron: Planning for his wedding…
Ron: Off to Romania again…
Fred/George: We took care of it… *Evil grins*
A Harry Potter fan’s Mount Rushmore
This is the story,
Of a wizard family,
Which barely ever ended up with girls.
All had hair of red,
Just like their parents,
The youngest one in curls -
Ginny: Ugh, not again! Take a good look! What curls?
Ron: Well, it IS kinda wavy…
Fred, George, and Ginny: SHUT UP, RON!
Announcer: ‘…and the Weasley Family! Fred, Ron, Giny, George, and Percy – uh, Percy? Let’s play… Family Feud!’
Weasley Kids: *Thinking* Maybe if we look cute, they’ll let us into PotterWorld for free…
Fred: Why did Ron take off before family photo day? We’ll look like a joke standing next to this awfully carved wooden dummy!
Harry: Does everyone in your famil have red hair?
Ron: Well… no. Ginny’s is more brownish, but we don’t really talk about her.
George: We’ve known each other for many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel or for help… Let’s be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt.
Ron: I didn’t want to get into trouble.
Fred: I understand. You found paradise in America, you had good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn’t need a friend like me. But now you come to me and you say – ‘Fred, give me justice.’ But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you, uh, ask me to do murder for money.
George: I ask you for Justice…
GinnY: Be my friend – – Godfather.
–Inspired by the movie ‘Cheaper by the Dozen’–
Mrs. Weasley: *Taking the picture* Do you all have to wear black in the photo for the Christmas card?
Ron: Black works, Mum. Jesus, like, died on Christmas.
Fred and George: He died on Easter, you idiot!
Ginny: He was resurrected on Easter, morons!
Mrs. Weasley: *Slaps hand to forehead*
Tom Felton: *Off-screen* Red hair, freckles, and hand-me-down robes. These must be the Simpsons.
Daniel Radcliffe: *Also Off-screen* No…
Tom: The Turners?
Ginny: I wish Fred were Harry…
Ron: I wish George were Hermione…
Fred: I wish Ginny were Viktor…
George: I wish Fred would get better at Occlumency…
How to Make a Weasley Sandwich:
1 Set of Twins
1 Chess-Playing Boy named Ron
1 Girl Who will Date Harry Potter in her Fifth Year.
1) Take the twins and separate them.
2) Place Ron next to Fred, and Ginny next to George.
3) Squish them all together, and mix with love.
Serve with two loving parents and two older brothers who’ve already left school. Chuck out anyone by the name of Percy.
Welcome to Carrot Top Town. Population: The Weasleys.
Unfortunately, Weasley boys are born lopsided; fortunately, it allows them to fit into photos.
Ginny: ‘I’m SURROUNDED by idiots!’
With all the school fees, the Weasleys became so poor that they couldn’t afford walls to lean on.
If you are dreaming this, you should be afraid. Very afraid.
Fred: *Thinks to self* I look incredibly hot.
George: *Thinks to self* I look incredibly hot.
Both: *With Twin telepathy* Wicked!
Ginny: We are…
Ron: Bloody worth it!