Week of June 10, 2007
And welcome back to the Fashion Police, Hogwarts Edition!
Slytherin: Okay, boys, let’s scope! We have to find the perfect – OMG look at that sad excuse for a girl!
Hufflepuff: Yeah, the 80’s called – they want their hair back!
Gryffindor: Look at those earrings. My god, there is no fashion sense at Hogwarts…
We’ll be back after these short messages…
The shining brightness that Luna’s hair emitted caused all those around her to close their eyes.
Gryffindor Girl: *Next to Luna* Well, I still don’t believe you can see out of the back of your head.
Luna: Really? That’s too bad – behind me and to the left are a Slytherin and a Gryffindor trying to set my hair on fire by staring at it.
Girl: *Looks back* Actually, they seem to have already done that. Now, they’re going for your robe.
Paris Hilton: *As a child* ‘NOOOO! Mom, I don’t want to go to school! I don’t care what the judge says, the principle said he didn’t want me back there. I’d rather go to jail!’
If Malfoy Were a Girl, starring Dakota Fanning.
Luna: *Thinking* E=MC2, where ‘E’ equals the energy equivalent to the mass, ‘m’ equals the mass and ‘c’ equals the speed of light in a vacuum.
Ron: What d’you think she’s thinking about?
Hermione: Who knows. Her mind’s a complete blank.
Luna: Looks like you have finally spotted those Crumple-Horned Snorkacks I’ve been telling everyone about!
Gryffindor Girl: Erm… No, Luna, you see, Moaning Myrtle just had another fit in the girls’ bathroom. The floor is flooded…
Luna: Oh! She must have been attacked by a Korkle-Humperdink! They only affect ghosts, you know… makes them go crazy, I’m telling yo-
Gryffindor Girl: No, Luna… she just got upset about being… oh, never mind. What’s the point?
Luna: It’s okay, Gryffindor Girl, I know exactly what I’m talking about.
Gryffindor Girl: *Muttering* Oh, for the love of Merlin…
Slytherin Boy: *Pointing* Hehehe! Looks like that Gryffindor girl’s never going to finish that conversation!
Gryffindor Boy: Shhh!
Hufflepuff Boy: Loony Lovegood will hear us!
Luna: Oh! Are you being attacked, too?
The Boys: *Groan*
Gryffindor Girl: *Legs it*
Luna: *Thinking* How will the people get the crowds to see thestrals in PotterWorld? I mean, they have to witness death to see them – I wonder if Alan Rickman will have to kill Michael Gambon in front of anyone?
And all eyes were drawn to the girl whose originality seemed to make her glow – until the boys realized that it was just because the guy in charge of the lights had been replaced by Mars.
‘Foolish children! I could not possibly be off the deep end; I am wearing my water-walking shoes!’
And so it was – Draco Malfoy, badly in need of a haircut, found himself wishing his father hadn’t taken the family’s last pair of scissors with him to prison.
Luna: *Thinking* Well, a teacher is talking, why am I the only one listening? Is this what Hermione feels like? Oh-no, I’m a know-it-all – HELP ME!
Luna decides that looking upwards ‘to the future’ will improve her optimism… unfortunately, it also increases the number of times people run into her.
Girl: Why are you staring off into space, Luna?
Luna: Beats staring at the floor.
Luna: *To Herself* ‘It is a rather nice bum, isn’t it, boys?’