Week of June 17, 2007
The Horror House in PotterWorld
Dudley: I’m gonna eatchooo!
Gary and Dan: Gaaaaaah!
With the opening of PotterWorld, Fred and George Weasley decided to open up their own theme park. Little did Harry and Sirius know, the twins took the ride ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Audience’ much too literally. And they had just stumbled upon Buckbeak’s litter box…
Sirius: It’s a bird!
Harry: It’s a plane!
Sirius: *Looks questioningly at Harry*
Harry: It’s Super-
Sirius: What’s a plane?
—-Spoiler Warning: Pirates 3—-
Sirius: So… Tia Dalma was actually Calypso trapped in human form, and she was in love with Davey Jones whose heart will always be hers, but then Lord Cutler Beckett has it and is using it to control Davey Jones who is trying to punish Jack Sparrow…
Harry: That still doesn’t explain how the kid shown as Elizabeth and Will’s son after the credits is also the kid hanged at the beginning!
Sirius: Well, perhaps Calypso –
Bellatrix: QUIET, YOU TWO! They never should have made any sequels!
Sirius: But what about Spider-Man, Shrek, Star Wars, and us?! Harry Potter, I mean, we’re making like seven films…
Bellatrix: Avada Kedavra!
When Dudley quits the Jenny Craig program, Harry and Sirius mistake him for Fridwulfa, Hagrid’s Giantess mother.
Sirius: Harry, before we die I want to tell you something.
Sirius: I used your wand to pick my nose this morning.
Sirius: No…. No!
Remus: That’s right, Sirius. Now my silly moustache will be transferred to you!
Harry: *Sobs* …I can’t look at you…
Sirius: It’s hideous!
Harry: Oh my gosh! Hermione, brush your hair! Sirius, THE BUSH IS COMING FOR US!
Hermione: *In Background* Haha, very funny…
Harry: *Gasping* What’s that?!
Sirius: That, my friend, is a pint!
Harry: It comes in pints? I’m getting one!
Sirius: But you’ve had a whole half already. *To himself* Underage drinking and really bad haircuts. Not sure if James would be proud or angry with the boy…
Sirius and Harry’s ‘Cha Cha Slide’ was interrupted when Peeves aimed the disco ball for them.
In Soviet Russia, picture takes YOU!
Harry: This is madness!
Sirius: This is politics!
Sirius: What did you DO?
Harry: He asked me to make him taller. You DO know how short he used to be, right?
Sirius: Yes, but Professor Flitwick was much more manageable then! Now he’s destroyed half of Hogwarts, and I’d rather not be stepped on!
Harry: So I made the potion a little too strong. How many times do I have to say ‘my bad’?!
Sirius: No wonder you’re failing potions…
Harry: Why are you wincing, Sirius?
Sirius: *In pain* I justh bith my thongue.
*Both read the scrolling box above*
Sirius: Oh no, only three weeks left until Order of the Phoenix!
Harry: Oh, well, it was nice to meet you, Sirius…
*In Sirius’ Cellar*
Harry: What the heck is that thing?
Sirius: *Sheepish look* Well, the day before I was dragged off to Azkaban, I was sat down here with a curry – a chicken curry – and well, I left it down here. I guess that this is what happens if you leave curry alone for nearly 14 years…
Harry: Brilliant, now we have Voldemort AND a mutant chicken curry after us!
Harry: By George! What’s that in the sky?!
Sirius: No time for explanations, Harry, that’s a Vogon Demolition Fleet! Earth is about to be blown up to make room for a hyperspace bypass…
Harry: *Looks quizzically* Sirius, how do you know all this? A Vogwhatzit…?
Sirius: …Vogon Fleet. My name is actually Ford Prefect, and I’m a field researcher for the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
Harry: Nevermind guides… Earth is about to be blown up!
Ford: Oh, you won’t miss it, the world is just a giant computer run by mice.
Harry: WHAT? So bloody rodents like Scabbers run the planet!?
Ford: Oh, Harry, I should tell you something about ‘Scabbers’…
Harry: Ha! What, like he’s actually NOT a rat, but a scrawny, buck-toothed murderer?
Ford: Em, well, actually…
Harry: *Smacks hand to head* Maybe it’s a good thing they’re building this bypass…
Mrs. Weasley: Sirius, I’ve restored your house back to how it looked almost fifty years ago!
Harry and Sirius: No! Surely not! No one was alive back then!
-Izzard the Wizard
This the scene from just earlier this week. This photo was taken moments before Daniel Radcliffe and Gary Oldman went missing. Their kidnappers have been described as fifty girls wearing personalized tee shirts who seemed to be foaming at the mouth…
Sirius: Isn’t it awesome, Harry?!
Harry: you blew up all of Hogsmeade!
Sirius: Yes… but Fred and George have never pulled a prank like this!
*At the Quidditch World Cup*
Hermione: *Offscreen, shouting* The Dark Mark, the Dark Mark!
Harry and Sirius: Where? *They look up into the sky*
Hermione: In Canis Major, next to Sirius!
Sirius: Next to me? Where? *Looks at Harry* Oh my gosh, you have the Dark Mark!
Harry: That’s not the Dark Mark, that’s my famous lightning-bolt scar!
Sirius: *In disbelief* Why is your scar famous?
Harry: Everybody knows the story! Where have you been, in Azkaban?!
-The Duke of Waltham
Sirius: A shooting star! Let’s make a wish!
Harry: *To himself* I wish that monkeys would kill Snape!
Snape: *Using Legilimency on Harry from far away* WTF?
Harry: *Emits a loud very masculine scream*
Sirius: *Emits a loud, yet very feminine scream.*
Harry: Er… Sirius?
Sirius: …This is awkward, Harry, I would appreciate it if you just forgot that ever happened. It might make me lose my bad boy image. You know… being a wanted convict and all.
Harry: *Inching away slowly* Yeah… no problem. *Turns and says to himself* Ninny…
Harry: ‘When you said Voldemort had huge numbers at his command, I didn’t think you were being literal!’
Harry: Sirius, I’m really looking forward to having you around all my life. You can tell me so much about my parents, and when I get out of school, I can come and live with you.
Sirius: Yeah, about that having me around all your life thing…
Harry: Lupin! This… this isn’t what it looks like!
Lupin: *Off-screen* Oh? So you weren’t sitting against a rock having a chat?
Sirius: Okay, it is what it looks like.
Harry’s Cell: OMG!
Sirius’ Cell: WTH? Im nxt2u tlk 2 me!
Harry’s Cell: We nd 2 kll Vldmrt!
Sirius’ Cell: *Powers down*