Week of August 19, 2007
They left the castle at half-past nine, in two straight lines. The smallest one was Nevilleine…
Harry: ‘Neville… did anyone actually tell you why we should queue?’
Harry: Learning all of these spells is quite important, Neville.
Neville: So we can fight Death Eaters?
Harry: No. Well, in part, yet. The thing is, Neville, when I leave school after the 6th year, I’m putting you in charge of being the hero-leader of the students. You’ll need to be more skilled and more confident than most of the students.
Neville: … *Panics*
Harry: There’s no pressure, though!
Neville: I’m hopeless.
Harry: No you’re not.
Neville: Thanks for the support, Harry.
Harry: I was going to say that you’re worse than hopeless…
Neville: Harry, I can’t do it!
Harry: Yes you can! Just focus on the prize!
Neville: Prize? You never said anything about a pr-
Harry: I mean defeating Voldemort!
Harry: ‘Neville, it’s meant to be your Gran’s dress NOT a bikini…’
Harry: *Irritated* Merlin, Neville! Make up your mind already! There’s people waiting, you know!
Neville: But, I don’t know what to do!
Hermione: Just pick what you think is best, Neville.
Fred and George: Yeah! You can do it, Neville!
Neville: *Thinks long and hard*
Neville: Euhm… I’ll have two pumpkin pasties and one butterbeer please. Oh…
Because the original duo retired, Highlights magazine held an open audition for the roles of Goofus and Galiant.
Dan: David, I know that you want to give the ‘repressed kids’ look to the movie, but a Hogwarts-themed clip of The Wall won’t work.
David: Quiet, Dan, or you’ll be the first one to become a creepy doll!
Dan: *Pouts* But-but, I don’t wanna be a doll!
J.K. Rowling: Okay, so everyone that I’ve put in this line lives through Book Seven.
J.K. Rowling: Oh, whoops, this is embarassing. Fred, you belong in the other line. Silly me…
In old Hogwarts castle,
Surrounded by pines,
Lived twenty-eight wizards
In two straight lines…
All Students: We’re following the leader, the leader, the leader. We’re following the leader wherever he may go. Dee dum, dee dee, dee diddly dum dee Boo. Dee dum, dee d-
Harry: STOP! STOP! That’s all wrong, it’s Diddly dum dee DO, not BOO!
Ron: Harry, I think there are more pressing matters to deal with than whether or not it’s do, or boo. Take Neville’s hair, for example…
Neville: This is me leading Harry through a secret passageway… and this is me fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts… and this is me pulling a sword out of the Sorting Hat… and this is me using that sword to chop the head off Nagini the snake, who was also one of Voldemort’s Horcruxes…
Harry: I know you’re proud of what you did in Book Seven, Neville. But we’ve all read the book and… it’s getting kind of old…
Neville: But I haven’t even gotten to the part where I become a Herbology professor.
Else: REALLY! You do?! Show us, show us!!!
Harry: Okay, Neville, we’ll give you five letters: RSTLNE. Now you’ll give us three consonants and a vowel…
Neville: C… M… V… and an O…
Harry: Okay, let’s see what we have. –TRONO-S. You have ten seconds starting now.
Neville: Pa Pa Patronus!
Harry: Wonderful, now cast the charm to create one and we’ll give you the grand prize.
In an old English castle,
All covered in vines,
Lived twelve rebellious students,
In two straight lines.
Ticker: Watch an all new episode of ‘House’ this Friday on ‘FOX.’ That’s right, we advertise on Caption Contests now, too.
Neville: I can’t believe we’re first in line for The Deathly Hallows. This is the best day of my life.
Harry: Yeah! This so totally beats the time Ginny and I got together.
Ginny: Hey! I’m standing right here.
Harry: Alright, Neville, think… how can you make your boggart funny?
Neville: I dunno… does changing Umbridge’s bikini into a one-piece work?
Harry: Uh, Neville?
Harry: If you want to conduct the chorus, it might be a good idea to face them first…
-The Flying Squirrel
Neville: Harry, you didn’t tell us that when You-Know-Who dueled, he didn’t wear any robes!
Harry: This must be a new defensive strategy.
Hermione: No wonder he never understood love…
Ron: Ginny, look away!
David Yates: ‘Sorry for the inconvenience, folks. Our casting director got it wrong, Ronald Weasley was supposed to be the tall one. Oh well, it’s hard to tell when they’re only 11!’
Neville: Um… I can explain…
Harry: Your Patronus is Hermione?
Neville: *Blushing* She always helps me in Potions…
Hermione: Mm… can’t guess what can be in that old wooden box?
Ron: You do it – c’mon, Neville.
Neville: *Taking a deep breath* Alohomora!
Harry: Oh my gosh, it’s my lost Bass guitar!
Neville: I pledge Alicia to the stag of the United Stilts of Amelia! And to Aberforth’s pub (ick!) for witches’ hands, one naked undergraduate invisible with Mister T. and Ice Mice for Raoul!
Harry: *Patting him companionably on the back* You tried your best, Neville, you tried your best.