Week of November 15, 2007
Dudley: Moaning in your sleep. ‘Don’t kill Cedric’ – what are you, gay or something?
Dudleys’ Gang: *Raucous Laughter*
Harry: You should turn around and see who it is checking out your backside, Dudley.
Piers: Uh…. *Blush*
Dudley: So, are you the one who took naked pictures of me with my girlfriend?!
Piers: Uh, you don’t have a girlfriend.
Dudley: Duh! That’s why I’m trying to start a rumour that I have one and that there are naked pictures of me with her!
Piers: Oh… right.
Harry: *Looking from left to right* ‘Please, no… I’ll do anything. Please, don’t get them singing One Love!‘
Kids in the Background: *Begin making beatboxing noises*
Dudley: Yo, I’m da big D and you know what I’m after – I beat up kids and I do it with laughter. I’m about to get attacked by a big scary thing, but for now I’ll just stand here and show off all my bling!
Harry: …Don’t quit your day job.
After three hours, the boys finally went up to Dudley to ask him what he was staring at.
Omitted portion of the epilogue to Book 7: After Harry’s defeat of Voldemort, Dudley was free to pursue his life-long dream of forming the boy band ‘Colorblind Thugz’
Big D. and the Little Whingings have recently celebrated the release of their debut album, Vandalism. Lead singer Dudley Dursley thanked his parents for raising him so well, and credited the hit song, Demention, to experiences with his cousin, Harry Potter. Mr. Potter’s response to the album’s release? ‘I really thought Dudley had outgrown his boy band phase.’
‘I wanna be the first one to go on the swing!’
Charity Burbage: Class, today we will be studying teenage Muggle dressing habits. Note the ‘bling’ around the neck of the boy in the foreground.
Louis Sachar’s new book cover, when attempting to make Holes fit in with the new generation.
The chemical reaction of thought in Dudley’s brain inevitably led to the actual freezing of his facial muscles as depicted above… Piers Polkiss would soon get scoliosis from remaining doubled over in silent giggles for too long.
‘So, we like to play in sandboxes… wanna make something of it, tough guy?!?!’
Harry: Yo, Big D, what’s with all that bling-bling?
David Yates: England, Dan, we’re in England!
Dudley Dursley had no idea that his friends’ ambitions were modeling, surfing, doing yoga, and being a photographer for schools who tells the kids to smile and demonstrates by using a big cheesy grin.
Gangs of Little Whinging.
Harry wasn’t quite sure how to respond when Dudley told him to get out of his ‘grill.’
Dudley: Fear my shiny shirt!
Two Guys Behind Him: …
Other Two Guys: *Snicker*
Dudley: I said fear it!
All Four: *Fearing*
Dudley: Where are we?
Harry Beaver: In the world of Gnarnia.
Dudley: OMG a talking beaver! *Runs over and kicks him*
Harry: ‘That’s right, Dudders, glare menacingly at the fat-, sugar-, and taste-free snacks. Make them fear you!’
‘So I look like aluminum foil… what are YOU gonna do about it?’
Dudley: ‘Are you saying that solar energy isn’t a good way to protect the environment? I’ll have you know that my shirt catches enough solar rays to power all of my television time!’
Harry: Diddykins, why don’t you go beat up another 3 year old or something?
Dudley: Oh yeah? Well, YOU SMELL, POTTER!
Kid to the Left: NICE ONE, BIG D!
Dudley: Decepticons! Attack!
Nameless Dude in Green: I thought we were the Justice League…
Grey Dude: No, no. We’re the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Stripey: Come on, we agreed upon The Power Rangers.
Bluey: Don’t look at me, they kidnapped me. I was THIS close to being in High School Musical 2… but then apparently I wasn’t good enough for Little Miss ‘I’m So Hot I’ll Pose Nude and Send It to my Boyfriend.’
Snape: ‘I can teach you how to brew glory, put a stopper in death, and even give Dudley Dursley some cool threads!’
Dudley: ‘I’m a little fatso, short and stout! Here is my tummy, here is my mouth. When you pull my finger, you will hear a sound. It’ll blow me over, and I’ll hit the ground!’
Dudley: Y’know, life is strange.
Harry: So are your pants, but you don’t hear me blaming life for it.
Harry Melling: So, Dan, if you bag the costume designer for me, I’ll beat up the hair-cutter person for you.
Dan Radcliffe: Deal!
Dudley: ‘I know what you’re thinking — ”Did he eat six cookies, or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kinda lost track myself. But me, being the Junior Inter-SChool Boxing Champion of the South East and who would beat you up to a pulp, you’ve got to ask yourself a question. ”Do I feel lucky?” Well, do ya, punk?’
Not satisfied with his candy wrappers, Dudley Dursley decided to become a ‘rapper’ himself.
After MTV’s success on Pimp My Ride, Vernon & Petunia Durlsey Productions strikes back… the show you have all been waiting for is here… Pimp My Son!