Week of November 21, 2007
Mrs. Figg: Lovely night, isn’t it, Harry?
Harry: Lovely? I was just attacked by Dementors!
Mrs. Figg: And your cousin was almost kissed.
Harry: Yeah, but that doesn’t matter.
Harry: Mrs. Figg? Why are you wearing a poncho? It’s not even raining!
Mrs. Figg: Why were you sitting on a swingset in a park in the middle of nowhere?
From Shaun of the Dead:
Mrs. Figg: Dementors in Surrey… what’s your plan, then?
Harry: Right… I’ll take Dudley’s arm, walk over to his mum’s, we go in, get expelled from Hogwarts – ‘I’m so sorry, Harry’ – then the Order will grab me, we go over to Sirius’s place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
Harry: Hurry up, can’t you see my cousin’s going to be sick?
Mrs. Figg: *Smiles under raincap* Bring it on!
-Fred the Holey
Dudley: ‘Hey, look, I’ve got Harry armpits! Get it?’
Harry: ‘Mrs. Figg, help! Dudley’s staring at the sky and muttering something and OH MY GOD YOU’RE DOING IT, TOO…!’
Harry: Help! *Falls to ground*
Mrs. Figg: Yes, yes, it is a lovely evening… *keeps walking*
–In continuation of Lisa’s caption last week–
Dan: I’m sorry, Dudley! I had NO idea the haircutter person knew judo!
Mrs. Figg: In my day, cousins didn’t fight! They played marbles… and kicked the can… and chase-the-wooly-mammoth… actually, go ahead and headlock him, Dudley; you’d better enjoy your youth while you can.
Voiceover: Albus Dumbledore is gay…
Mrs. Figg: Jo is courageous and admirable.
Harry: Interesting. Anyway…
Dudley: I wish she would have omitted that info…
Harry: You’re having me committed?
Woman: Well, it was fun pretending I was a witch for a while, but you can only take fantasies so far…
Harry: ‘Ha, Dudley! Your shirt isn’t so shiny now, is it?!’
Harry: *Sticks his head through Dudley’s arm* Peek-a-boo?
Mrs. Figg: Harry, dear, I know you have post traumatic stress disorder, but this is hardly the place…
Harry: ‘HELP! HELP! I’m being repressed! Do you see him repressing me?!’
Mrs. Figg: Thank goodness I’m not wearing my sombrero.
Mrs. Figg: It would make us look silly.
Harry: ‘I don’t think this 3-legged race is working, Mrs. Figg.’
-Evil Fire Space Monkey
Mrs. Figg: ‘Oh, look, my spaceship is here. Have fun, Harry.’ *Walks off*
Voiceover: ‘Today, on Impractical Carrying Positions…’
Harry: *Disgusted* I think I just stepped on dung!
Mrs. Figg: Good – Fletcher deserves to be roughed around a bit!
Harry: Not that Dung… dog dung… ew…