Week of December 2, 2007
Moody: Alright, Harry, let’s show them how to perform the best Sound of Music musical in the history of Wizards!
Harry: I thought we were doing Marry Poppins?
Tonks: How disappointing… *Sarcasm*
Moody: ‘Wait to cross… okay, now go!’
Moody: Now this, Harry, is a broomstick.
Harry: I know.
Moody: It flies.
Tonks: Mad-Eye, he knows.
Moody: And there’s this game called Quidditch.
Kingsley: Oh, wonderful, the rest have left us. There they go, flying off… Good job, Alastor.
The Firebolt: Now available in Eggplant, Plum, and Malfoy Blonde.
Moody: Alright, now everybody –
You put your right arm in –
You put your right arm out-
Tonks: *Whining* Why does Moody always get to pick the travel songs?!
Harry: Now aren’t we supposed to become camouflage so Muggles can’t see us?
Moody: Why would we do things that happened in the book? Stupid kid.
Moody: All right, Nymphadora?
Tonks: Don’t call me Nymphadora! Call me Ton- oh, yeah, I forgot that my surname changes to Lupin now. Well I don’t want to be called Lupin, he’s called Lupin. *Sigh* I guess you can call me Nymphadora…
Alastor Moody: ‘I am in charge of security for this flight, and so, I’ll have to ask you to take off your shoes and remove any liquids in your on-flight bags.’
Harry’s worries about finding a parking space were allayed when he noticed Mad-Eye’s stylish new handicapped broom.
On the 12th Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
12 Wizards Shoes
11 Normal Eyes
10 Plot Holes
9 Privet Drive
8 Visible Shoes
7 Privet Drive
6 Hurried Humans
5 Robes on Wizards
4 Bored Faces
3 Wizards We Know Not Counting Harry
2 Nameless Wizards
And a Glass Eye in Moody’s Head.
Harry: Professor, what’s that thing on your broom?
Moody: That, Harry, is a gluteus minimis. It is enchanted to firm up my backside while I fly.
‘If anyone dies, don’t hold back. We can only afford one person…’
*Sweep* *sweep* *sweep* ‘a wizard’s work is never done…’
Moody: Firebolt Advanced, it’s called, all the old Firebolt features and improved speed and precision and a detachable handle with cushioned seat…
Harry: *In a small voice* Well mine has sentimental value…
Harry: Why do we always use brooms? Why not mops?
Mad-Eye: Are you serious, boy? The Death Eaters would smell the pinesol for miles! This way we leave’em in the dust…
Moody: Kingsley, Harry, I realize that Tonks is an attractive woman, but you need to stop checking her out so that we can focus on the task at hand.
Tonks: Honestly, Mad-Eye. You say that as if you aren’t at all affected by my feminine wiles. Please…
This caption not available due to writer’s strike.
Moody: This is all your fault, Potter!
Harry: What’s my fault?
Moody: All these curly wire bits on the end of people’s brooms!
Moody: They were the only plausible way of you surviving that spectacular dragon chase in the last film, and now the Continuity People say we all have to have them!
Moody: See, Potter, I told you my broom was taller…
Kingsley: You can’t deny that Moody’s broom’s got style…
Harry: Son of a Banshee… and I was hoping to land a spot in Guinness Wizard World Records…
Tonks: Ha ha Harry! I already have a spot in there for having hair so bright, it killed a Muggle!
All: *Look away*
Moody: Harry, you remember the plan, right?
Harry: The plan, right. *Pulls out phone* Let’s see. I’ve got unlimited free texting, internet for $5 a month, free music downloads, and unlimited long distance calling.
Tonks: You get free music downloads?
Harry: Ya! I Know! It’s so awesome being famous and all.
Tonks: I wish I was famous! Then I could be like you!
Harry: But you wouldn’t be as famous as-
Moody: Do you understand what we have to do, Harry?
Harry: Yeah. Kick off, hover, lean forward, look at babes…
Moody: What was that, Potter?
Harry: I mean, don’t break ranks.
Harry: *Looking left to right* OK, so we’ve got Doc, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Dopey and Bashful. Bashful… Bashful come back into the frame! But where’s Sleepy?
Moody: Ron’s at Headquarters. You’ll see him soon.
*Imagining the scene in one of the neighbors’ house*
Mary: What’s going on out there, Sam?
Sam: You won’t believe this, Mary! There’s some kind of protest going on. There’s a group of people lined up holding brooms.
Mary: Anyone we know?
Sam: I think it’s that Potter boy.
Mary: Doesn’t he go to that school for criminal boys?
Sam: Mary, come look at this, they’re sitting on their – Oh my, they just took off…
Harry: Where are we going?
Moody: It’s such a highly guarded location, Harry, that if I tell you, I’d have to kill you!
Harry: What, not you, too?
The Order looks on as Arthur Weasley flies by on an enchanted Swiffer.
Harry: …and then the Dementors showed up, my blood ran colder than Voldemort’s nipple!
Moody: No more Potter Puppet Pals for you!
Harry: *Under his breath* Son-of-a-banshee!
Moody: Frankly, Harry, I don’t care if you’re short enough to go on. I’m not letting you ride the merry-go-round!