Week of December 9, 2007
Moody: It’s twin day today! Kingsley and I have the same expression.
Tonks: And me and the mysterious man have funny hair pieces and angry expressions!
Woman on the Right: And I dressed like Harry does on Saturday nights in his dormitory!
Harry: HEY! You said you would keep it a secret!
Moody: Jingle Bells…
Tonks: Harry Smells…
Harry: Kingsley Has a Hat.
Kingsley: Nymphadora Has Bright Hair
Everyone: And Voldy Got Away… HEY!
The members of the Advance Guard were confused when a sign had appeared on the door of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place that read, ‘Out of Order.’
Moody: Keep staring! We still might be able to make it explode!
Guy in the Background: Give it up, Alastor. You’ve been trying to make the moon explode since you were five. You’re not gonna blow it up now.
*The Moon Explodes*
Moody: Finally! I win the bet! Now, give me my five Knuts!
Guy in the Background: *Grumbles while pulling out five Knuts*
Big Screen TV: You are watching Fox!
Advance Guard and Harry: *Monotone* We are watching Foooooox…
Muggle Inside: Henry! There’s whackjobs with brooms watching our TV through the window again! Shoo! Shoo!
Strikers: What do you mean you DON’T need us anymore?
Harry: *Nods* Just as we said – we found a much better writer – perhaps you’ve heard of him – Neil Cicierega. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?
Strikers: That Blast-Ended Skank!
The characters from last week suddenly found that their brooms were Portkeys, taking them back in time to the Jamestown, just outside the fort. The HP movies were then tragically cut short when they were attacked by two colonists suspecting them of witchcraft.
Reporter: I’m here on the scene with some of the Order of the Phoenix, who have come to support the writer’s strike. Alastor, is it true that you’re all going to stand here until the writers are given their due?
Moody: Yes, Meg, it is.
Reporter: And why do you take this stand?
Moody: Yes, Meg, it is.
Reporter: And so you can see the unfortold effect of the strike. Now, back to you, Bob.
Come to the Order! We have Random Witch on Left and Random Wizard on Right!
Harry: I didn’t know that brooms had feelings…
Moody: Well, they do. And after all the rude comments made regarding my broom, it rounded up the others and flew off.
Tonks: So now we have to walk.
Harry: Why is Grimmauld Place a townhouse?
Moody: . . . I don’t know.
Tonks: It was an actual house last time I read OoP…
Tonks: Let me guess… there’s a huge waterfall up ahead.
Tonks: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Moody: Most likely.
Tonks: Bring it on.
Harry: What the heck are they talking about?
Dedalus: Dunno… must be an Auror thing…
Harry: Um, Moody, sir, the STOP sign is for cars.
Kingsley: What’s the hold up?
Moody: What time is it, Mr. Wolf?
Remus: You know, I really hate –
Tonks: He said eight!
*Everyone moves forward 8 steps*
Remus: Why do you even bother with such a pointless, childish game? But, fine –
Harry: He said nine!
*Everyone moves forward 9 steps*
Mad-Eye: Tonks, go get me some water… Please!
Tonks: No, you’re just going to stick your eye in it!
Guy on Far Right: Ha! I went the whole journey without one person noticing that I hid Kingsley’s banana in my hat!
Kingsley: My banana! *Pouts*
Mad-Eye: Here we are…
Harry: The Cinema? Cool! What movie are we seeing?
Tonks: I wanted to see ‘The Golden Compass’ but –
Kingsley: I thought ‘Beowulf’ looked pretty good. When does it –
Mad-Eye: Tonks picked ‘No Reservations’ last time. I want to see ‘Enchanted.’
-Duke of Somewhere
Everyone: *Reading* ‘Bell out of order. Please knock.’
As the writer’s strike is still on, entertainment will instead be provided by the expression on Moody’s face. Tests have shown that staring at it for five minutes has the same effect as one funny caption. Enjoy!
Moody: *To Order* ‘If you can’t beat’em, get a bigger stick.’
Moody: …Alright, I confess! I’m an unregistered frog Animagus.
Everyone Else: *Stares*
Moody: Hagrid, I realize you want to play dodgeball with us, but it’s really not very fair, you know – with your, er – size advantage.
Everyone Else: *Whimpers in background*
Kingsley: Tonks, I told you not to mess with the stove!
Harry: Shouldn’t we extinguish it?
Moody: Let’s just go.
Harry: Come, they told me…
Moody: Pa rumpa pum pum! *Bangs stick*
Little Green Man (Off-Screen): Who rang that bell?!
Mad-Eye: We did.
Others: We came to see the wizard.
Little Man: *Pulls a mirror out and faces it at them*
Harry: We know we are wizards, but we came to see The Wizard.
Little Man: Sorry, you just missed him. He had to give some girl and her dog a ride home.
Kingsley: No, not that one. We came to see Dumbledore.
Little Man: Why didn’t you say so in the first place?
Tonks: So can we see him?
Little Man: No.
Harry: Why not?!
Little Man: Because this is 11 Grimmauld, not 12 Grimmauld.
‘Welcome to the new Harry Potter theme park cafe. How can I help you?’
Moody: I’ll have a Medium Fries thanks.
Harry: Do I get a discount?
Moody: It’s a shooting star!
Tonks: I wish my hair was pink.
*Tonks’s hair turns pink*
Harry: Can’t you do that without wishing?
Tonks: Yes. Oh no, what a waste of a wish!
Kingsley: Not as much of a waste as this! I wish I had a pony!
*A pony appears*
Kingsley: I can’t believe it would take that seriously!