Week of January 13, 2008
Lucius: You are about to enter the Chamber of Delights.
Harry: What’s in the Chamber of Delights?
Lucius: Delights, of course.
Harry: Could you be more specific?
Lucius: Me… wearing a Speedo.
Harry: Could you be less specific?
Fudge: Quick, they can see us! Make it look like you’re not bribing me!
Malfoy: Er… *Gets down on one knee, speaks loudly* Cornelius, will you marry me?
Fudge: Is that all you can think of?
Malfoy: *Still loudly* What do you mean ‘no’?
Brick 1: Hey man.
Brick 2: Hey, what’s up?
Brick 1: Oh, I was just thinking about our lives right now. I mean, we never get the recognition we want.
Brick 2: You know, you’re right. I didn’t major in drama just to be an extra in a movie…
Brick 1: You’re right.
Brick 2: And my cousin was in the first movie… he was one of the bricks that Hagrid tapped… he had to get surgery after that…
Brick 1: Yeah! And my sister was cast as a grimy brick in the Chamber of Secrets! It completely ruined her self-esteem!
Brick 2: I say we take revenge.
Brick 1: Sounds good.
*The wall to the left collapses, leaving Lucius and Fudge completely unharmed.*
Brick 2: Darn, missed.
Lucius: What the…?
And Fudge stared in horror as he realised there had been an audience witnessing his defeat in Rock, Paper, Scissors.
WB remakes High Noon, adapting it slightly to fit the storyline of their most popular franchise.
Lucius: *Sudden flash of inspiration* Imperio!
Fudge: *Eyes go blank*
Harry: Uh oh…
Arthur: …time for your hearing, Harry!
Mr. Weasley: And here, Harry, we see the blond jerkasaurus and the Tyrant-osaurus Rex, having a nice conversation!
Harry: Mr. Weasley, why is Fudge wearing a silly hat?
Mr. Weasley: You see, Harry, Fudge isn’t in his right mind at the moment, it’s been warped by fear.
Harry: And fear has warped his fashion sense, too?
Mr. Weasley: Yes, I’m afraid so…
Harry: Has the same thing happened with Mr. Malfoy?
Lucius: HEY, I HEARD THAT!!!
Harry: How do they keep this floor so clean?
Lucius: It’s polished daily by the naughty little boys who got expelled because they couldn’t resist using magic outside of school.
Harry: Wow…. good thing I’m not going to be expelled!
Arthur: Look, Harry, it’s Fudge and his date…
Fudge: Are you insinuating that I’m gay?
Arthur: No, not at all.
Malfoy: Are you insinuating that I look like a woman?
Arthur: Yes, absolutely.
Mr. Weasley: How can we get Minister Fudge to realize that he’s on the wrong side?
Harry: I have an idea… but I’m not sure it will work.
Mr. Weasley: Try it, Harry. What have we got to lose?
Harry: Okay, here goes… Red Rover, Red Rover, send Fudgie right over!
Lucius: Oh, look, the Boy Who Lived. Don’t you have some Dark Lord to be running from?
Harry: Don’t you have some house elves to be abusing?
Lucius: Who is that?
Fudge: Oh, it’s probably just one of those ‘Magical Tours’ again. So much for keeping our world a secret…
-Lupin’s Other Lover
Fudge: Obligatory Dumbledore is Gay Caption.
Lucius: What does that have to do with the situation at hand?
Fudge: Absolutely nothing.
*At Grimmauld Place*
Fred and George: *Off-screen* Harry, we know the perfect way for you to not be expelled from Hogwarts and to have your hearing cancelled!
*At the Ministry*
Mr. Weasley: *Beat boxing*
Harry: *Rapping* I’m inta nuggets y’all, I’m inta nuggets y’all. McNuggets, McNuggets, what? McNuggets, McNuggets, what?
Mr. Weasley: *Still beat boxing*
Harry: Ketchup and Mayo, Ketchup and Mayo…
Mr. Weasley and Harry: Chicken McNuggets!
Fudge: I want some Chicken McNuggets… Potter, your hearing is cancelled with all charges dropped. Lucius, perhaps you could give directions to the nearest McDonald’s…
Harry: *Whispers* Mr. Weasley, does this look suspicious to you?
Arthur: *Whispers* Yes, indeed, but we have to get to your hearing.
Both: *Walk away*
Lucius: Okay, Minister, back to business.
Cornelius: Yes, of course. If I order two Double Caramel Delights, do I get a discount?