Week of March 9, 2008
Hairspray Cast: *Singing* You can’t stop an avalanche as it races down the hill…
Harry: Well, actually, I probably could.
Hairspray Cast: *Still singing* You can try to stop the seasons, girl, but you know you never will…
Hermione: Oh yes I can! Library, here I come!
Hairspray Cast: *Still singing* And you can try to stop my dancing feet, but I just can not stand still…
Ron: Hah. Have fun with a Full Body-Bind Curse!
Announcer: And up this week… ‘The Potter Spotter’!
Ooo-ooh… ooo-ooh! Ye-eah!
Well, I was walkin’ along
Under true blue skies
When, guess who I saw?
What a surprise!
*mashed potato, mambo, mashed potato, mambo*
It was Harry Potter, the boy who’s alive
Oh Harry, won’t you please be mine?
There never ever was a boy who was hotter
Than good old famous Harry Potter!
*right stomp, left stomp, crazy crowd cheer, rush forward*
Harry: I can’t believe Dumbledore actually hired actors to brighten up Hogwarts with song and dance. I mean, no one even likes them! Right, Hermione?
Hermione: *Breathing heavily* Link…. LARKEN!!!
Hermione: ‘Corny Collins’? What a stupid name!
Ginevra Weasley: Yeah, what were his parents thinking?
Xenophilius Lovegood: He must have been made fun of alot in high school.
Albus Severus Potter: Who has a name like Corny Collins anyway?
Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy: Yeah, why doesn’t he get a normal name like the rest of us?!
Harry: ‘Well, Hermione, your spell succeeded. The Slytherins are now the nicest kids in town!’
Hermione: ‘Apparently, not even all the security surrounding Hogwarts can stop the beat…’
Dumbledore: Who names their kid Link?
Link: Who names their kid Albus Percival Wufric Brian?
Dumbledore: You did not just say that!
Harry: *Upon opening the door to the Room of Requirement* What, exactly, did you ask for, Hermione?
Harry: Hermione, how much Hairspray did you need?
Hermione: …not this much…
Dan and Emma could do nothing more than exchange confused glances when they were introduced to the cast of Harry Potter: The Musical.
No caption could possibly make this any less embarassing.
-Smirk & Gouda
Harry: *Singing* We’re all in this together -
Hermione: No, Harry, this is Hairspray, not High School Musical.
Harry: But look! There’s that guy that plays Troy. What was his name again?
Crazy Fangirls: WE LOVE YOU ZAC EFFRON!!!
Harry: Yeah, that was it.
Harry knew that the war had started when the Durmstrang students arrived, Confunded into thinking that they were American teenagers. Krum was especially revolting in his pink dress.
Dan: …It was either be naked in Equus or join that.
Emma: Good call.
Corny: *Singing* Nice pureblood kids who like to lead the way. And once a month we have our -
All: MUDBLOOD DAY!!!
Harry: You know, I’ve read some pretty strange fanfics, but this is definitely the worst.
Luna: *In background* ‘Nargles!!!’
‘If we get any more Muggles in here, it’s gonna be a suburb.’
Harry: I’ll bet Umbridge is behind this!
Dumbledore: Ah, Harry! I see you’ve met some of my friends.
Hermione and Harry: …
Voldemort: Roll call!
Death Eaters: I’m Bellatrix! Amycus! Narcissa! Fenrir! Alecto! Crabb! Goyle! Blaise! Vicki! Wormtail! Dolohov! Draco! And I’m… LUCIUS!
Hermione: Wow! Since Umbridge joined Voldemort’s image marketing team, the Death Eaters have really spiffed up!
Harry: Yeah, who knew Draco would look so good in a beehive?
Hermione: American foreign exchange students came via time travel?
Harry: I hate fanfictions…
Harry: I have fought everything from blast-ended skrewts to Lord Voldemort, and now I have finally found something that scares me. And it scared me A LOT.
Harry: ‘It could have been worse. It could have been John Travolta in drag…’
Hermione: Looks like we can stop the beat!
In an effort to boost enrollment in Muggle Studies class, Professor Burbage got the go-ahead from Professor Dumbledore to have Hogwarts do a production of Hairspray. Sadly, the production was planned by The Daily Prophet and The Quibbler, the students fell asleep during the performance and Professor Burbage now works as a stagehand at a dinner theatre in Ocala, Florida.
Corny Collins: And now, for our new Miss Auto Show champion couple, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.
Harry: You sure picked a good place to apparate, Hermione.
Hermione: Well, at least we’re safe from Voldemort.
Voldemort: Oh, no, you aren’t!
Harry: Great, now Voldemort’s gonna kill me and I have to be Mister Auto Show 1963.
Corny Collins: Are you both here to audition to be one of the nicest kids in town?!
Hermione: No, actually, we were just passing throu-
Hermione: You’ve got to be joking…
Hairspray Cast: Come down and meet the nicest kids in town!
Girl: *Whispers to boy* I really hate these Muggle appreciation seminars…
Harry, Ron and Hermione attend the Lovegood family reunion.