Week of March 16, 2008
Neville: I didn’t want the Room of Requirement to turn into this! How do I get out of here?
Blue: *Puts her paw print on the screen*
Neville: Oh! We need to play Blue’s Clues to figure out how to get out of here? Great… now where the heck is my handy dandy notebook?
Mailbox: How did you get here?
Neville: Well, Trevor skidoo-ed, and I could too.
Neville: ‘I’m never going to pass my Apparition test now – this is worse than splinching!’
IN the year 2014
Director: Okay, now, Matthew, I want you to look really happy to see all the little kids! Put on a great big smile!
Matt Lewis: *Sigh* You know, I used to be in the Harry Potter movies…
Director: Yeah, well, they don’t make those anymore, so now you’re stuck with this job.
Matt Lewis: I wish I could go back to the year 2008. Those were the days. Dan was still sober, Rupert hadn’t dyed his hair that horrible color and Emma hadn’t been in a single Roland Emmerich picture.
Director: Yeah, yeah, we know. Everyone from your generation wants to go back to the ’00s.
Matt Lewis: At least Tom Felton made it as an underwear model…
Mailbox: It’s maaail tiiiime! *Sings the mail song*
Neville: Okay. So where are the owls?
Mailbox: What owls?
Neville: The owls that deliver the mail? Where are they?
Mailbox: Owls don’t deliver the mail here. I do.
Neville: YOU do? How?
Mailbox: Just reach inside me and get your mail.
Neville: That’s it?
Mailbox: That’s it.
Neville: I just reach inside you and get the mail?
Neville: It doesn’t come falling from the sky or anything?
Mailbox: Nope, you just reach inside me to get your mail!
Neville: Oh. Well that’s boring. *Leaves*
Neville: ‘Ugh… I think I skadoo-ed a little too far…’
Neville: ‘Welcome to Blue’s Clues and wow, have I got a surprise for you all. Today, instead of clues we’re looking for Horcruxes!’
‘What am I doing in Luna’s house?’
Neville: This isn’t the D.A. room!
Harry: It’s not fitting my requirements!
Hermione: Luna… can you leave the room for a second?
‘Bloody hell – why can’t I just get splinched like everyone else?!’
Having never mastered Apparition, Neville had to resort to the Blue Skiddoo.
Neville: *Walks into the dorm room and sees that it has been painted over to look like Blue’s Clues* ‘Very funny, guys. You could have just told me that the sweater was bad…’
Neville soon discovers why smoking floo powder is illegal.
Director: Uh, Matthew? Why the blank look? Just read what’s on the cue cards.
Matt Lewis: You really expect me to say, ‘Blue ska-doo, we can too’? I didn’t sign up for this! I quit!
Blue: Steve never complained about the lines. Joe never complained about the lines. Mr. Big-Shot-Neville-Longbottom is too good for Blue’s Clues, huh? Well, we don’t need you! 1,500 other losers auditioned for this role!
Neville never told anyone how the Room of Requirement first appeared when he went into hiding. He was forced to find food in the Hog’s Head – not because the Room failed to provide him with food, but because he was uncomfortable with eating food that spoke to him.
‘Bloody hell! A clue!’