Week of April 20, 2008
Umbridge: You boys had better be getting off to your class, or it’s detention for both of you!
Fred: We’re not going to class, Professor. We are going to the hospital wing.
George: Yeah, since you showed up we don’t feel anything but sick!
The elite club of bad cardigans and jumpers… all new members welcome.
Fred: ‘Oh, don’t worry, Professor. We have plenty more in the backpack.’
Spin the Bottle wasn’t so fun when Umbridge joined the circle…
The game of dodgeball had come down to three people: Fred, George, and the Unbeatable Umbridge.
Umbridge: And just where do you boys think you’re going?
Fred: We feel like we’ve outgrown Hogwarts.
George: And rightly so! I have to slouch over just to stay in the image!
Umbridge: Do I need to remind you all of Educational Decree #77? ‘No breakdancing’?
Everyone: *Groans loudly*
Umbridge: I suppose I also have to remind you of Educational Decree #92 – ‘no groaning after the mention of an educational decree’!
The students were instantly blinded when they looked upon Umbridge’s coat.
Fred: We were just trying to sell five dollar foot-longs from Subway!
Umbridge; Five dollar foot-longs? That’s a steal!
George: No, *stares into camera* that’s a negotiation.
This is what happens when Professor Umbridge forgets to shave in the morning.
-Fall Out Witch
And to Umbridge’s shock and dismay, Dumbledore’s Army is growing rapidly due to a break-through cloning process…
Umbridge: Are you attempting to test your unsafe products on innocent school children?!
Fred: Are you attempting to find out if our love potions really work?
Umbridge: …This conversation never happened.
Umbridge had just happened to walk in on Fred and George’s personal attempt to stop Voldemort: The Beatboxing Army.
–Based on a Monty Python sketch–
Fred: Oh, hello, Professor Umbridge!
George: Listen, Professor, Fred and I have a proposition for you…
Fred: Professor, for just 3 Galleons a week, we’ll ensure that no mischief occurs at Hogwarts!
Umbridge: Are you boys threatening me?
Fred: No, Professor, goodness no!
George: The Professor doesn’t think we’re nice guys, Fred.
Fred: How about we knock it down to 2 Galleons and a Sickle a week, for no more than one act of defiance from the student body?
Umbridge: Stop it! I am stopping this Caption where it is!
George: You can’t do that!
Umbridge: Oh, yes, I can! I’m the one in the ridiculous coat, and I haven’t had a single funny line in it yet! So I am stopping it!
Fred: You can’t do this!
Umbridge: Good day!
Umbridge: None of you can stare me down.
Fred: Technically… we can.
George: But with a face like yours, it hurts to look!
Umbridge: ‘There were no backpacks in A Streetcar Named Desire. Work with me, people!’
A newly arrived Umbridge takes a stroll through Hogwarts. Suddenly, she stumbled upon a group of students staring open-mouthed at a backpack.
Fred: Oh, Professor Umbridge! Thank goodness you’re here!
Umbridge: Why, whatever is it?
George: It’s the Ravenclaw Backpack!
Umbridge: The what?
Fred: The Ravenclaw Backpack! Every year, it mysteriously appears. It holds the most priceless treasure in the world, but only the wisest wizard or witch can say the spell to open it!
Umbridge: *Dollar signs appear in eyes* Oh… well, I’d better try my hand at it.
George: Oh, would you?
Umbridge: Certainly, my dear.
Fred: You have to say it faster each time. It goes like this. Owah.
Fred and George: Siam!
Umbridge: Siam! Owah Tagu Siam! Owah Tagu Siam! Owahtagusiam! Owahtagusiam! Oh what a goose I am!
Students: *All fall to the ground, laughing hysterically*
-My Name Jose
Umbridge: And just what do you think you’re doing with that Portkey?
Fred: Going to the annual ‘I Love Dolores Umbridge’ festival!
Umbridge: Oh, carry on. *Starts to walk away* Such sweet kids. Wait a second…
Hermione: *Offscreen* Has anyone seen Crookshanks?
Fred: I think I found him…
George: Umbridge is wearing him…