Week of June 8, 2008
Snape: I don’t know, Potter. I could swear I’ve seen you before… somewhere…
Harry: Like, every day in your torture class?
Snape: Oh yeah! Now I remember!
Harry: But, sir! I thought…
Snape: You thought you’d be learning the elusive art of Occlumency? No, that was just an excuse to lure you here. Today we will actually be studying Remedial Potions.
Harry: Greasy git!
Harry: Seriously, Professor, the dress with the pants look went out with the 90’s.
Snape: Hmm. I must get myself some leggings.
Harry: Th-there must be some mistake!
Snape: I think not, sir. You gandered at my memory. YES sir, you GANDERED! Wormtail, beat him up.
Snape: Are you sick of drinking your potions out of dull erlenmeyer flasks or boring beakers? Want to add some flair to your container collection? Well, here at Snape’s Interestingly Shaped Glass Bottle Emporium, we sell potions flasks with unique appearances that are sure to meet your needs with style! Call 1-800-COOL-CUP today to purchase your very own ultra-nifty vintage Glass Bottle!
Harry: That’s a wrap!
Harry: That’s personal! *Goes into Snape’s mind* ….why am I hearing Jeopardy music?
Harry: Sirius was right! You do have a chemistry set!
Snape: Black was always jealous of my equipment.
Harry: Er… a bit too much information!
Commercial Narrator: Today, we salute YOU, Mister I’m-in-love-with-my-potions-set Guy!
Background Singers: Mister I’m-in-love-with-my-potions-set Guy!
Narrator: Unlike those other guys, you are truly devoted to your profession.
Singers: Someone sing a love song!
Narrator: When it comes to calculating ingredients, you really know your stuff.
Singers: One plus two is three!
Narrator: Yes, when it comes to potions, you always help us see the glass as half-full.
Singers: Mister I’m-in-love-with-my-potions-set Guy!
Although this was no cakewalk, Harry had to admit that being Snape’s portrait artist was far better than any other detention he had served.
Harry: ‘Listen, Snape, just because you suddenly have this interest in red-heads DOESN’T mean that you can have Ginny. She’s already taken! And also, I think Mrs. Weasley would really appreciate it if you stopped popping up every time Mr. Weasley is out of town!’
Snape: Sorry for being late to class. I was under sniper fire.
Harry: We didn’t hear anything.
Snape: It’s an expression.
Snape: Potter, you are an insolent fool!
Harry: No I am not, just teach me and I can prove you that I am no fool!
Snape: You are just as much a fool as your insolent father was.
Harry: Don’t talk about my father that way!
Snape: Fine! There is only one way to settle this!
Harry: You mean -?
Snape: Yes, Potter! We must tango!
Snape: …I was the only one who saw her for what she was — a freak!
Snape: Did I do alright? Do I get the part?
Snape: ‘Harry, don’t look right now, but there is an anonymous and rather obscenely large camera right behind you…’
Harry: *Knocks on door*
Snape: How many times, Longbottom… your salsa dancing lessons have been moved to Fridays. Now hurry along before Po- *turns round and sees Harry*
Harry: Er, hi.