Week of September 7, 2008
To his displeasure, nobody told Dan that the film had been put back to July.
Dan: ‘I’ve been waiting here for HOURRRSSSS!!!’
Cover art for Harry Potter’s new Emo CD featuring the songs ‘Bleeding Scar’ and ‘No One Understands (I’m A Horcrux).’ Bonus tracks include a colabo with Rhianna, ‘Dementia.’ Fall (or Summer) 2008 (or 2009).
Harry Potter: Pig for Slaughter
Besides having ‘power the Dark Lord knows not,’ Harry Potter was the first wizard known to be able to burn holes through solid rock just by staring at it.
Breaking News: Harry James Potter breaks the all-time world brooding record, after continuously sulking for two days, seven hours and forty-six minutes straight. When asked how he felt about beating the original record set by Tom Marvolo Riddle back in 1942, Mr. Potter murmured ‘Maybe I am just like him,’ and proceeded to break the record he had just set by a further day and a half.
Harry: ‘I asked the Room of Requirement for a bowling alley and I got this?‘
Harry: *Long sigh* But she’s Ron’s sister…. … … ……
Monster in Harry’s Chest: Oh, is it my line now?
Harry: The ants go marching one by one, hoorah, hoorah! The ants go marching one by one, the little one stops to suck his thumb. And they all go marching down, into the ground, to get out of the rain. Boom! Boom! Boom! *Sigh* Hermione, Lupin said this would help me forget about what happened with Sirius at the Ministry, but it’s not working.
Hermione: Well, I don’t know, Harry. Maybe you should try singing again?
Remus: *Sniggers, while holding a video camera*
Harry was shocked by the irony of the situation when he saw, in the distance, the Giant Squid choking on one of those green re-usable shopping bags.
*Dumbledore goes strolling by*
Harry: Psst! Hey, Dumbledore, ya wanna buy a watch? *Opens trench coat to reveal hundreds of shiny watches*
-Black Banana Productions
Colin Creevey: Hiya, Harry! Wanna hear a knock knock joke?
Harry: Colin, I’m not in the mood. Dumbledore just died and I don’t think-
Colin: Knock knock!
Harry: Colin –
Colin: Now you say ‘who’s there?’
Harry: *Sigh* who’s there?
Colin: You know.
Harry: ‘You know’ who?
Colin: Exactly! Avada Kedavra!
Harry: Colin – hang on, that actually was pretty funny!
Voldemort: …ninety-eight, ninety-nine… one-hundred! Ready or not, here I come!
Harry: *Thinking* Maybe I should’ve found a better hiding place…
Harry never realized until it was too late that among the variety of walls-that-pretended-to-be-doors, doors-that-pretended-to-be-walls and doors-that-did-not-open-unless-you-tickled-them at Hogwarts, there were also walls-that-SuperGlued-themselves-to-you unless you won against the-wall-that-challenged-you-to-a-staring-contest.
Fred and George’s Weasley Wizard Wheezes log:
Test 5632 – Instant Velcro Wall a success. Lasts up to forty-two hours. WARNING! May cause grumpiness and weakness of bladder.
Harry stood in silence, perturbed by one of the disadvantages of having a school in a thousand-year-old castle: Ninth Century toilets.
‘I will not think of Ginny. I will not think of Ginny! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day! Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!’
Harry: *Angst angst angst*
Luna: *Walks up* How are you, Harry?
Harry: Not that great.
Luna: You know what you need?
Luna: More cowbell.