Week of May 10, 2009
Star Trek: The Hexed Generation.
Ron: What are we doing again?
Harry: Think of it as being an intergalactic Auror.
Harry: Ron, I like your mum’s jumpers this year, but why-?
Ron: She’s got a thing for J.J. Abrams.
Ron: So why have you come back to our time?
Spock: We need whales to save future Earth from an alien probe.
Harry: I’ll go get Dudley.
Ron: ‘Harry, live long and prosper does not mean gain a hundred pounds.’
Harry Potter + Star Trek. To not watch this film would be bloody illogical.
Ron: Seriously. Maroon? Again? I hate maroon!
Harry: I, on the other hand, look fabulous in blue. It sets off my green eyes.
Ron: Oh go beam off somewhere.
i-ro-ny (i`re ni) n., pl. –nies
1. a figure of speech in which the literal meaning of a locution is the opposite of that intended. […] 5. an outcome of events contrary to what was, or what might have been, expected. (ex. Harry being the ‘logical’ one.)
Harry: Ron, you know that the one in the red shirt always dies, right?
Harry: Just saying.
Ron: I don’t like this universe.
Ron: Because in this universe, you get the girl.
Harry: ‘Oh, so that’s what you meant when you said the Romulans had a cloaking device. I guess my Invisibility Cloak isn’t going to be quite as useful as I thought.’
Harry: You know the floo system is unreliable at best, Ron.
Ron: But I said Millenium Falcon, not STARSHIP ENTERPRISE!.
Kirk: Spock, tell me how awesome I am.
Spock: I’m sorry, Captain, as a Vulcan, I cannot tell lies.
Ron: He can’t do that! It’s diabolical!
Harry: Don’t you mean maniacal?
Ron: I’m hungry. *Presses button*
Harry: I wish you wouldn’t have done that.
Ron: What’s wrong? I just told the ship’s kitchen to bring me a snack.
Harry: But that was the ‘blow us into tiny pieces and get us eaten by cute woodland creatures in 30 seconds’ button.
Ron: Wow… this ship is more high-tech than I thought.
Ron: I wonder how many Trekkies this caption will bring out?
Trekkie: *Off-stage* Oh, those uniforms are all wrong! The bridge doesn’t look like that! Scotty shouldn’t… etc. etc.
Harry: Too many.
Ron: One is too many?
Harry: Is one attacking bear too many? Yes, Ron, one Trekkie is too many.
Harry: Really gettin’ into character, huh?
Ron: *Shatner acting style* I try… to be… as… into character… as… possible…
Hermione enters the Room of Requirement.
Ron: Dammit, Harry, I’m a wizard, not a unicyclist!
Hermione: I don’t wanna know…
Ron: Beam me up, Pottie.
Harry: Are you kidding me?
Harry: Weasley! Set phasers to stupefy!
Ron: Aye, aye, Captain.
Ronald: Live well and prosper. *Vulcan hand sign*
Harry: ‘Neither can live while the other survives.’ Does that sound like living long and prospering to you?!
Harry: ‘I must say, Stan, I love the improvements to the Knight Bus, especially these inertial dampeners.’
Ron was astonished by what he saw when he looked into the Mirror of Erised.
Ron: ‘…and, I’m captain of the Enterprise, too!’
Harry: So, what’s the ‘T’ in ‘James T. Kirk’ stand for again?
Harry: Ha, ‘Albus Severus’ is looking more normal all the time!
Harry: ‘Voldemort, the Borg, Klingons… I can’t wait until it’s Friday…’
Harry: Ugh! I hate fanfiction!
Ron: Oh come on, Harry. This could be fun.
Harry: You’re just saying that because you get to be captain.
Finally, a franchise that will never end…
Harry: ‘Finally! A convention where no-one will recognize us…’
Harry: Why are you Kirk? Aren’t I always the hero?
Ron: Ever seen a ginger Spock?
Ron: ‘Are we at Banana Republic?’
Harry: I wanna drive the space shuttle!
Ron: NO! It’s my turn!
Harry: Okay, let’s settle this with a game of ‘rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.’ Whoever wins gets to drive.
Harry: ‘Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.’ Scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock. Rock crushes Lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard. Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes rock and, as it always have, rock crushes scissors.
Ron: …you know what? You can drive.
Ron: Why are you grunting?
Harry: I can’t turn my head.
Ron: Why would you want to do that?
Harry: The man behind you wearing the hideous mustard-colored outfit says your head is on sideways.
Ron: You didn’t answer my question.
Harry: I find your humiliation amusing.
Ron: You will address me as ‘Captain’ and, for Merlin’s sake, stay in character, Harry! I didn’t bring you to my LARPing group so you could embarrass me.
Harry: Last time I let you pick the weekend activity.
Ron: In character, Harry!
Harry: Sorry, last time I let you pick the weekend activity captain.
Ron: See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?
Harry: I’m out of here.
Harry: ‘Levicorpus me up, Scotty!’
Ron: Hells yeah. This is way cooler than any old magical school.
Harry: I am disinclined to agree with your statement, Ronald, as the temperature of this vehicle appears to be 3.829 degrees warmer than Hogwarts.
Ron: *Rolling eyes* You’d like it too if you didn’t have to be Spock.
Harry: The Romulan are attacking, Ron, and we don’t have wands! Our shield is at 60%! What do we do?
Ron: Consult the kid who replaces all his v’s with w’s!
Chekov: This situation is wery grawe…
Ron and Harry: *Crack up*
Harry: It looks like a big…
Food Vendor: HOT DOG! Come and get your fresh hot dog!
Ron: What are we doing, Harry?
Harry: Hold on, Ron, keep the pose… just a little longer, so Hermione can take the picture.
Harry: There. Now we can send this to Voldemort and let him know that we will kick his @*$ in the final book.
Harry: Hey, Ron, how many ears does Kirk have?
Ron: I don’t know, Harry, how many ears does Kirk have?
Harry: Three, his left ear, his right ear and his final frontier.
Harry: Ready the Tracheon Cannon Data.
Data: But Captain, surely this cannot work. No man’s hair is so shiny that it can reflect Borg laser fire?
Harry: Ron, take off your hat.
*Everyone shields their eyes in pain,*
Harry: Any other questions?
*Music playing, Dan and Rupert bobbing their heads*
We’re too sexy for our franchise, too sexy for our franchise…
Harry: Live long, and prosper.
Ron: As long as you’re not Voldemort.
‘We’re taking on the world one step at a time.
First, asking out girls, next asking out hot girls.’
Harry: Oh no! Voldemort is attacking our very well-camouflaged ship! *Dramatic gasp*
Ron: *Looks at Harry* What d’ya mean ‘well-camouflaged’? We have blinking lights on the outside of our ship saying, ‘HARRY POTTER IS INSIDE THIS SHIP.’
Harry: *Breathes in* Oh…
Ron and Harry: ‘…that’s All-State’s stand. Are you in good hands?’
Make every shot, a Cybershot.
Harry: What. Has. Happened? Where. Are. We. And why. Am. I. Wearing. This. Shirt?
Ron: And why are you talking like that?
Harry: I. Knew. I shouldn’t. Have. Cast. The William Shatner Spell!