Week of June 21, 2009
Harry: Is that…
Dumbledore: If you are going to say, ‘is that Draco Malfoy sleep-walking towards the Whomping Willow?’ then, yes. I believe he is.
Draco: *Off-stage* CRASH! Ouch! AHHHH!!!!!!
Harry: I didn’t see anything.
Dumbledore: *Sighing* I’ll get Madame Pomfrey
The stingray was determined to appear in Harry Potter Six, even if it meant attaching itself to the ceiling…
Harry: What is this place, Professor?
Dumbledore: Well, I’m not recalling the name, but I read somewhere that just being inside here may cause a shocking and untimely death.
Harry: *Alarmed* So then why are we here?!
Dumbledore: Severus recommended it.
Dumbledore: Allow me to concentrate, Harry.
Harry: Professor, I really think-
Dumbledore: -One more minute, please…
Harry: Really, Professor Dumbledore-
Dumbledore: Harry, I am *trying* to locate a Horcrux! If your dilemma is more important than that, please, go right ahead!
Harry: Well, I guess it’s nothing, just I got a text from Grindelwald to you…
Dumbledore: *Drops wand* Oooh, goody, read it!
Dumbledore: Oh, dear…
Harry: What hap- Oh, boy. Sirius? Lupin?
Dumbledore: I knew it.
Slughorn shows Dumbledore and Harry a 13th use for dragon’s blood.
Harry: Professor, I think we Floo-ed into the wrong house.
Dumbledore: No, this is the place… unfortunately.
Harry and Dumbledore search for the lost Star Trek caption contest.
Broken Mirror: ‘I condemn you to… oh, wait. You’ve already had seven years of bad luck…’
Dumbledore: ‘Harry, this is what Muggles call Breaking and Entering.’
Harry: *After a lecture from Dumbledore about Voldemort’s Horcruxes* Oh! So is this where it’s hidden?
Dumbledore: What would ever make you think that, Harry? Of course not!
Harry: *Sighs* Well, as you were just lecturing me about them… well, I assumed…
Dumbledore: Great wizards never assume, Harry. No, really, this is my old house, and I just remembered that when we moved out decades ago I left the picture of my girlfriend…
Harry: -and you brought me with, why?
Dumbledore: Well, I assumed you-
Dumbledore: Now, you must think it strange to break into someone’s house and give them a renovation, Harry.
Harry: Actually, sir, after all these years you just sort of go with it.
Harry: Are those Playwitch magazines in your closet?
Dumbledore: No! And, if they were, I’d only read them for the articles.
Harry: ‘Professor, are you sure these are regulation lightsabers? They seem awfully short.’
For the third time in a week, Voldemort awoke screaming and in a cold sweat. He just knew those novelty Harry and Dumbledore night lights would give him bad dreams.
Dumbledore: ‘Well I must say, Horace, that I love what you’ve done with the place. It’s like urban housewife meets the shrieking shack!’
Harry: I see the light…
Dumbledore: Yes, Harry, that’s normal. *Under his breath* God, that boy is an idiot.
Dumbledore: ‘See, Harry? No monsters.’
Dumbledore: Oh, dear. Something very bad happened here…
Harry: Yeah, last night was pretty wild!
Dumbledore: Well, it seems we couldn’t find Horace. I guess this means we’ll have to start singing show-tunes.
Dumbledore: ‘O-o-o-o-oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin’ down the -‘
Slughorn: All right, all right, I’m here!
Dumbledore: What you see before you, Harry, is a copy of the Twilight DVD… *Long dramatic pause* I’d like you to see it.
Harry: #*%(_^* it! Not you, too!
Dumbledore: Harry, I’m quite impressed… How did you find this chamber?
Harry: Oh, it was nothing, all you have to do is stand outside and walk past the old tapestry three times while thinking, ‘I need to live in Aunt Petunia’s worst nightmare.’
Harry: Professor, do you think anyone’s been attacked?
Dumbledore: Good Lord, NO, Harry! Though it does appear we missed Horace’s rave. It’s a shame, really; the man really knows how to entertain!
Dumbledore: ‘I keep telling old Slughorn, ”you’ve got to pay your electric bill in British Pounds,” not Galleons!’
Harry: I know this is dangerous and top-secret, Professor, but was it really necessary to repel into the house from a hole in the ceiling?
Dumbledore: That’s how MI6 does it.
Harry: Lumos maxima!
Dumbledore: …I can’t beat that.
Harry: ‘P-professor? I’m scared of old d-dark h-h-h-houses…I have this irrational f-fear of armchairs that are really teachers in disguise, you see.’
Harry: But, Professor, shouldn’t we turn our wand-lights off? The Death Eaters might spot us!
Dumbledore: Yes, probably. But if it were completely dark, no one would be able to see that I got my beard trimmed…
Dumbledore: Aha! I’ve got it! It was Colonel Mustard -
Dumbledore: *Continues, unaware of Harry’s interjection* with the lead pipe,
Dumbledore: In the living room!
Dumbledore: Oh, sorry. What is it, Harry?
Harry: That still doesn’t explain how the blood got on the ceiling!
Dumbledore: *Pauses for a moment, considering the matter* On second thought, perhaps it was the revolver… or the candlestick.
Harry: mm mm mmm m.
Dumbledore: mmm mm. mmm mm m?
Harry: I wish our mouths weren’t closed in the picture.
Dumbledore: I know. Why couldn’t they have told us that they were taking a picture?
Harry: Sir, um, can we move on?
Dumbledore: No Harry, I just HAVE to stare at this Madame Rosmerta poster a little longer.
Harry: Whatever you say Professor…
Harry: What are we looking for, sir?
Dumbledore: Something very important that could determine all our fates.
Harry: So, your baby blanket?
Harry: Professor, what if the Death Eaters don’t turn up?
Dumbledore: Aah… my boy, but I can smell Lucius’ socks!