Week of October 11, 2009
Hermione: So, Neville, you like those spoons?
Neville: Uh, yeah.
Hermione: They’re nice and clean.
Neville: I guess…
Hermione: And, do you know how they get that way?
Neville: Oh, here we go…
Hermione: C’mon, Neville, an S.P.E.W. badge would distract from your awful vest.
Hermione: Neville, for the last time, give me my spoon!
Neville: These are my spoons, Hermione. You can’t have one.
Hermione: No, Neville, that on is mine. *Takes the spoon*
Hermione: ‘Neville, those aren’t maracas…’
Hermione: Neville, I didn’t say I wanted to spoon…
Neville: Yes, finally!
Hermione: Hey Neville, make a toast!
Neville: Why should I make toast? I don’t even have a knife.
Hermione: No, Neville, make a toast. You know, tap the spoon on your glass, say a speech, clap?
Neville: I still don’t know what you mean Hermione.
Hermione: Oh never mind, I’ll do it.
Neville: Did you know, Miss Granger, that in many cultures the gift of a spoon is a proposal for marriage?
Hermione: …Oh, Neville…
Ron: *Off-stage* ‘Hey! Stop spooning my girlfriend!’
Hermione: No, Neville. This spoon is for soup, and the other one is for dessert.
Neville: But, they both look exactly the same.
Hermione: Yes, but they have different purposes.
Neville: But… they both look exactly the same.
Hermione: Neville, why did you take my spoon?
Neville: Well, I have two knives, and I thought they would each want a friend, so I needed two spoons…
Neville innocently gave another spoon to Hermione, unaware that she was the great spoon thief who had already stolen half the spoons in Hogwarts.
Hermione: My first name is awful… Hermione!
Neville: My last name is worse! Longbottom!
*Albus Severus Potter enters the room*
Neville: All right, he wins.
Hermione: Aww look at how cute and small that spoon is! *Baby talk voice* Who’s the cutest wittle spoon ever? You are! Yes you are! *touches spoon*
Hermione: Do not try to bend the spoon…that is impossible. Instead, simply try to realize the truth.
Neville: What truth?
Hermione: There is no spoon.
Neville: But…what am I supposed to eat my soup with?
Neville: So, in Dumbledore’s will, Hogwarts goes to Harry, his chocolate factory goes to Charlie, and Toon Town goes to the toons!
Everyone at the table: Hooray!
Hermione: Neville, I’m going to put this as nicely as I can. If you do not stop playing the spoons I am going to shove them up your arse. Ok?
Hermione: Neville, stop worrying about MuggleNet.com taking photos of us and using them for people to make funny captions.
Neville: But, Hermione, they’re laughing at me!
Hermione: So? Neville, everyone laughs at you – that’s kind of the point of your character.
Neville: This dinner is over. *Gets up and storms out of the room*
Hermione: You’ve got something on your shirt.
Neville: Yeah well, Belby isn’t a very neat eater.